i am faced with pretty much the same dilemma i was faced with last year. i am wondering, who is being tested, and who's faith is gonna be stronger as a result. in all honesty, i am so willing to break my back, bending over backwards, in order to be in a place of fulfillment. ultimately, i know when i look back after years of fulfillment that it was not a sacrifice at all. but i feel sometimes when i publicly express my willingness to bend over backwards, i am the one who seems to get taken advantage of. it sure seems easy for me to stay at the bottom of the totem pole. man, i hate being on the verge of letting it all out but knowing that by doing that i will create more harm than good. so i face this challenge again. the thought of "well, if it was important to have me here enough to someone, i would be here." maybe that is why i am still here, cause it's important to god enough. i know it's not me, it's the position i so happen to fill.
i am glad god's seeing it all working out