an enabling bag of chips

i got this philosophy book and have read through til the dark ages, or st. augustines time period. it's pretty interesting and makes me wonder if i didn't miss the boat on this particular subject. if your out there and you're intrigued slightly by philosophy i say go for it. at least take a few courses in a university to learn about the different ideas. if you are a believer in jesus christ and the bible then learning about these men and their ideas on life will only further your revelation of the truth and wisdom of god. if you still struggle with faith a little, which i think it is safe to say that is a majority of us, then i think philosophy will help you in your prayer life with the questions for god. probably most of them WON'T be answered in this lifetime but at least you are gaining some ground on a real relationship with god, instead of pretending to have one on the outside and never really seeking his truth on the inside. i personally think everyone wants to have faith in something, even if it is nothing. god, who created this innate desire, wants you to have faith too. he can't force the faith; god's able to do anything but not able to do everything. god can't make me love, believe, or trust in him. that is why it feels so good when i do and then an amazing achievement comes from it. i don't do it to get an award or token because of my affection but because i KNOW he first loved, believed, and trusted me. he doesn't need me, but he sure does want me. i am ok with that.

recently i have thought about the changes i have needed to make in order to make my needs fit the budget. mostly i am talking about money, i guess, but it can also apply to a lot of other tangibles. i have friends who are the most generous people i know and would not dare challenge the notion money is evil. a few of them have it, so my aim is not that notion at all, if it was i wouldn't have those friends. i have began to really enjoy being completely without the ability to sporadically go on a road trip and have fun dropping a couple of hundred dollars. i have, for the past few months, passed up all those very scrumptious culinary wonders of the supermarket i would otherwise purchase under different circumstances. all i am saying is i have never lived like this before, and if you presented it to me even a year ago i would be very disappointed. however, there is some kind of pleasure that comes with depriving myself of the luxuries of a fallen world. am i sinning if i opt to get the bigger bag of chips that are completely unnecessary for my survival...don't be ridiculous, of course not. to pass it up and stick with the bare essentials of food has become easier and easier. a lesser man would crumble under the temptation of getting the "enabling" bag of chips that contribute to his sodium intake and sedentary lifestyle. its not that i think i am special. in a sense it is fasting. our culture has been condition to consent to the sensual cravings that are offered without a clear grasp as to what the side effects or consequences of that decision might bring. all sorts of evil has been able to fly in, under the radar as advantageous for life, without the thought as to the second side to every decision. i fall into it too, so i am not above or beyond culture. i deal with it all the time. i LIKE not having money. it keeps me out of trouble, of all sorts. it can't be bad to enjoy NOT having money, maybe people look at my life and think i don't have the faith, or i did something to not have the lord's favor. i certainly know that is not the truth. my pursuit, even if i had millions of dollars, because of who god created me to be, would not be satisfied anyway until i am operating in my fullest potential for his fame.

i am enjoying the situation. cause i am gonna look back on this one day and remember that even when i was not faithful god still was because he can't be unfaithful to what he started and will eventually complete. i got an interview tomorrow at 1030 so pray.