this was the year...

i am trying to find this balance. i like balance, i think it is healthy, i see balance in some of the most fundamental elements of creation and humanity in general. obviously there is a steady dose of imbalance; the daily news presents that message quite clear. but i am trying to look past that, consequently, looking past the loudest message (which is not always god) is an ever important task of walking according to the spirit. the created order, however, does illustrate a brilliant picture of balance according to our heavenly father: just enough light, just enough darkness; just enough oxygen, just enough carbon dioxide; just enough acid, just enough alkali; just enough regularity to make life somewhat predictable, just enough surprises to make life unpredictable. "in this way, god makes a unique environment in which each one of us is ideally capable of making the spiritual progress each of us is called to make" (bread and water, wine and oil). it is a my grace is sufficient kind of mentality.

my worldview has been shaped with this idea that i have to look outside myself for answers to certain questions. my experience is limited, so i ask someone else, older and wiser, but likewise, their experience is also limited; better than mine but still limited. i need the authority of the word of god in my life.

conventional wisdom is a teacher and lectures me on many things: don't touch the stove, dress appropriately for weddings, don't drink red bull at 9pm when i should be winding down. conventional wisdom instructs more on the bigger issues of life as well: don't marry a witch, teach my children the concept of sharing and giving, etc.

so with conventional wisdom is their a balance? i guess more so along the lines of conventional wisdom and faith. are these two things going to line up always? are they mutually exclusive? i struggle sometimes with the balance of conventional wisdom and faith. my mind wants to separate them. not that i will make them enemies of each other but i will struggle at times to decide whether a certain decision is wisdom, faith, or just plain lunacy. because wisdom tells me that right now is not a good time to venture into the borders of iran. it would take an incredible amount of faith to go. and reading the great testimonies of our biblical heroes sometimes doesn't help either. but then i come to a part where a man who, while in captivity, will not defile himself with the kings choice foods and as a consequence, he flourishes; testifying to wisdom and faith in harmony.

around this time last year, liz and i received the news, from her body, that she was pregnant. it was shocking, surprising, and a little scary. we certainly did not plan on getting pregnant, it just happened. a few weeks later we realized she must have had a miscarriage because again, her body told us. my spirit at that time, in all honesty had a sigh of relief. i wasn't ready to do the parent thing again. i kind of feel bad for even saying that i had a sigh of relief. well a few weeks ago her body spoke up again...she right now is 12 weeks pregnant!

well, when liz told me i could tell she was a little excited about this. me?...well, i am ok now but it is stretching me. and here is why...

this was the year we would be potty training titus and no more diapers (parents know this landmark is monumental)

this was the year both of them would start school and the house would be empty

this was the year my work day would be open for me to start pursuing and building projects within ministry

this was the year my wife was going to finally be free from a 9-5 job and be by my side IN the ministry daily

this was the year the ministry we had envisioned before we moved would take a clearer form

i am not at all upset about a child, having to love something else, or the gift of a life. these things don't shake me. in fact, i am the type of person who is not concerned with introducing a new and unexperienced life into a world that is so teeming with wickedness. that challenge doesn't bother me. the criticism i might receive from those who look at the actual ability to get pregnant and look at the glass half full optimism is not what this is about, so you can save that comment.

we honestly were doing almost everything we could to ensure a pregnancy would not happen. yet despite our efforts to guarantee it wouldn't happen, it did. i know that is not coincidence but god. it's funny because i still feel "this was the year..." and my faith tells me that this year is not over, but my conventional wisdom says something completely different. so, yeah, balance...