that he matters
regardless of what he has done or has not done.
my overwhelming sense is that when people are not affirmed or accepted they will do things to bring acceptance to their life, we all have done it. these things we do are advantageous in some ways and detrimental to our emotional health in others. but thru them we find validation for who we are and so sometimes it's easy to find comfort in intimate encounters physically with others. likewise, heroine has a way of relieving pressure that has not been relieved in relationships...which is where i believe god has intended. these examples are obviously disadvantageous to our well-being, any way you slice it. so any behavior, good or bad, black or white, brings notification. no such thing as bad pr, right? one of the problems you may find is that as a whole, society will more than likely respond with greater depth to those things that are very disadvantageous for the well-being of an individual. it's hard to pinpoint the good and truly commend others consistently. it's natural, a cop never pulls you over and tells you he thinks you are doing great for going the speed limit, or that he loved that you made a complete stop at the stop sign back there. no, we pay particular attention to when an individual does something wrong. you never call a meeting to discuss the great direction of the company or to discuss the smooth flowing legislation of a particular protocol. they are never the focal point...that is the fractured icon's we are. this, i feel, is what has plagued my metal head friend who was in a state of desperation. my response has to be very careful because of the rejection this kid has already experienced for only god knows how long. my desires were all about me, not him:
- esteeming him
- giving him extreme amounts of worth even without knowing the situation
- showing respect for his needs not because he did or didn't earn or deserve it but because he is a human being
- i wanted to only observe him...and when you are observing, you are not talking or thinking of a response
- i wanted sympathy for him, i wanted sorrow for his misfortune. however, i didn't want him to have to see me trying to feel those things
- the smallest cue could trigger rejection, especially if they have never been taught how to have an adjusted personality but have, instead, lived maladjusted their whole life
- it can be said like this: if a child doesn't engage in any activity w/ something you provide, and you provide something else and state something like, "maybe you would like to play/do something else." as an "adjusted" child they may hear options, which are good, but as a maladjusted child what is heard is their desire to not engage is disappointing to that person who is providing. this is communicated as rejection.
- i cannot have compassion without a strong desire to alleviate the suffering
- i cannot have a strong desire to alleviate the suffering without a truly deep feeling of sympathy and sorrow for the misfortune
compassion = action to alleviate suffering = sympathetic and sorrowful
at the end of the night i hoped he was able to find one person he could talk to and could listen to him. i don't even feel he wanted me to give him direction or tell him what to do. he wanted me to hear him explain what he was going thru and that he missed god. i hope i was able to validate him in his experience and be a representation of a god who loves him to the point of death.