the condition i find you in as i read and hear you as we dialogue is a condition that reflects a distorted personal view of how god sees you. this distortion of how god sees you then distorts your view of yourself, which inevitably distorts how you will see others and interpret how they see you. you have written poems and said things that echo great desire. these words bare your soul, which sounds as if it is on a search. this distorted view is then used as the map that leads you in the wrong direction to a very real destination that your soul is not really longing to see. hurt, pain, loneliness, rejection, separation, desertion, aloneness, incompletion, and contemptment are all arrows pointing to a fracture of the every day man.
where do we disconnect from each other? if you and i are the same, bearers of that same fracture of the every day man, where do we separate from each other? all of the descriptors above are found in the make up of you and me on any given day but we still differ in that you are there and i am here? what is the disconnect? we disconnect in our current perspective of how we see god and how he sees us. it is clear in your narrative that your view of how god sees you is distorted. you and i both are born with a broken way of seeing things. can you be honest and say that you see god as a protector, provider, good, loving, caring, and a giver of good things? i don't believe that you do, you know how i can tell? your description of yourself: alone, rejected by those you value, emptiness, loneliness and isolation. all of these indicate your current perspective. you truly do not feel god's empathetic concern for your incompletion and longing. scripture clearly contradicts what you are feeling and telling me right now, which tells me something else, you are not reading scripture in a way to get to know god and how he feels about you. is more scripture reading the answer? probably not. but what is the answer is a clear understanding of who god really is and how he sees you. this will help how you see you and synonymously how you see the world despite the broken lenses you contain and use as a filter for everything.