having relations

i am a guy who gets caught up in "what could be better." i take a lot of realities and distort them by imagining what it would look like under different circumstances. i see relationships that are so fruitful, mature, real, genuine, and capable of so much and grow envious to some extent. i guess the better word is jealous. there are so many attributes in other's relationships that i long to have in my relationships; so i will easily overlook the brilliance of what has been taking place right before my eyes. for those who have been such a key role in shaping who i am i thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. there are to many to name names who have invested a substantial amount. if i may give you an example of what i am talking about, i have two friends who are brilliant musicians. they have connected so well that this has formed a unique bond if only they could see the magnitude and impact it has had on my life. i constantly hear stories of there experiences together and in many tales it would appear as though they have been brothers in some other life. they are very dear to me as well, both of them. but in this example i am talking about how i see their relationship together and envy it for myself, with them on an individual level, or even with someone else of the same caliber. this has some unfortunate side effects to it. it causes a great deal of disturbances in my perceptions of the genuine relationships i already have outside the two said individuals. i cherish each and every relationship and the unique and dynamic contribution they bring to my life. i honestly don't have any idea as to what i could attribute this distorted capability too. but i don't like it, i know that much. it causes problems on a lot of fronts but most notable are the affects on the one's closest to me. it puts me in a position to constantly compare what i currently have with this individual with what i think i could have with another. the other complication is if i see something great about two people and it appears to be better than what i have, i become jealous for the relationship that the other two have; i then will attempt to subconsciously get out of the relationship i have to pursue the "other" two and be apart of their dynamic. i do this a lot and it isn't very fair to my loved ones whom are investing even more to my well-being. it has a lot to do with what alfred adler called the lifestyle. the lifestyle is a psychological map of self and world that becomes our guide for action as we strive to overcome feelings of inferiority. it is composed of 4 parts:

• self-concept - view of self "as is"
  
• self-ideal - view as one ought to be
• picture of the world - one's model of why the things work as they do outside of oneself
• ethical convictions - how the world should operate outside of oneself

these concepts are generally shaped and formed with a large part of influence due to the "painting on the canvas" from guardians and caregivers in childhood, as cliché as that sounds. i love my relationships, all of them, and i know that in each and every one, even the bad one's, there is some degree of growth and maturity that i need and will need for future development. so all this to say that in relationships, all relationships, humans find meaning. not all meaning. but it is not exclusive from the creator but through the creator. if we are to believe that we are created in the image of god, and even he has placed so much emphasis on a meaningful relationship with us, there should be an, although finite, equal pursuit of others in an attempt to pursue our heavenly father. this must take place despite our frailties and distortions of how we perceive the health of said relationships are. go and have relations with others!