lets get this party started at 6am

this is the first sunday morning i have not had to do anything but wake up in a long time. i enjoyed it immensely. any time i am able to get up before the rest of the fam i try to get as much reading done as i can. i don't have to explain why certain individuals keep me from concentrating on studying. it has been a while since i have been able to just get up, go about the day, early in the morning without an agenda, or i should say without needing to fulfill someone else's agenda. i used to be able to just get up and go early in the morning. it hit me really hard the other day when liz and i went out for a friends birthday party and we where out til around ten that night and could barely stand we were so tired. we went home to pick up peanut from my parent's house and we got there and my they were playing dominoes with their friends. all of them were wide awake and ready to take on the night. may i remind you that they are at least 20 years my elder (i won't disclose specifics on age). so it hit me that older people should, naturally, be in a winding down physical state, right? i, the younger one, should be in a, "hey lets get this party started" state. why are the roles switched? the only variable i foresee having a direct correlation with my physical state is the variable that required us going to my parents house to witness this anomaly in the first place. i won't single out any one kid but instead blame it on kids. at this moment it's really easy to blame the handicapped verbal communicating child. i love my child, and i can't wait to do so many things with him when he is able. i just wish there was an ability to do all the things i wanted and still yet meet every need he has in his growing years. god bless america...and the restless parents.

you didn't know? let me show you

i am three days into my new job at whole foods market. i gotta be honest it is kicking my butt. i am doing what they call guest services i.e. bagging groceries, and getting carts. i will train to do register later but for now they all start at the bagging depot. thanks to zach white for the shove to apply a few weeks ago. i remember in the car on the way home conversing with liz as to how awesome it would be to work there. i would get a discount and the pay is reasonable for a grocery store and ultimately, i would have the opportunity to be a light in a dark place. the typical health guru these days believes in something spiritual, or something mystical about life. i do too by the way. but mine is different, i have faith in what i like to call the "super"natural. i am finding out that around most of the employees have tattoos, they like to have black hair, and they enjoy listening to maynard keenan of tool...oh and a good third of them are what the secular world calls homosexual. none of these things frighten me, actually i would, as paul says, like to "have become all things to all men, that i may by all means save some (1 cor 9:22). that sounds weird when read back to myself. i have not been in a job situation where i have had to walk and be so active for such a period of time. i keep praying and telling myself it's god's provision, it's god's provision. it echo's louder every time i feel the ache in my joints in the ankle region, or knee. i repeat it louder every time i look into the eyes of my co-workers and see the biggest need of jesus in their life. again, it hurst to the point of tears in the car as i drive to work when i think about how long of a time i am taking to reveal the opportunity of true love. one thing i have continued to remind myself, as i tell them what i previously did before bagging groceries and moving carts to their respected place, god gave salvation by loving. in fact god's will is not just about loving, but about giving and forgiving. he never has a desire to take, but to give, "...give us this day our bread," "forgive us our sins." and how can i say i am his and say i love "people" without exercising the same thing...giving. and i know, sadly, that the message of christianity has probably made its way to the doorstep of their heart before by some one who should not be telling anyone anything about jesus. but now is my turn to not speak about a savior who loves them, very hard for me by the way, but show in action what god showed this earth...giving unconditionally.

"the act of love will replace the need to hear it" 

i need to wake up

this was my response to the article i read of the alabama shootings. everyone commenting was blaming all sorts of people, organizations, and administrations.

the blame rests completely on us, even me. people who display psychopathic behavior don't wake up and all of a sudden display the symptoms of abnormality. this wasn't a switch that turned on, or off. you may have an individual who is having troubled thoughts and only the beginning stages of pathological behavior as your friend or neighbor, or co-worker. this is a wake up call for us to become better friends and pay more attention to warning signs of disturbance in people we encounter. this type of behavior like the individual who opened fire on his pastor and all the other shootings are in need. the kind of need money can't help, the kind of need sex can't help, the kind of need that can only be helped by being loved by a friend in it's truest sense. this incident is a product of societal neglect not the nra, not obama, not bush, not even politics. it helps me see how important my friends are and how i need to pay attention to things that would lead to abnormal behavior and help them in any way i can.

an enabling bag of chips

i got this philosophy book and have read through til the dark ages, or st. augustines time period. it's pretty interesting and makes me wonder if i didn't miss the boat on this particular subject. if your out there and you're intrigued slightly by philosophy i say go for it. at least take a few courses in a university to learn about the different ideas. if you are a believer in jesus christ and the bible then learning about these men and their ideas on life will only further your revelation of the truth and wisdom of god. if you still struggle with faith a little, which i think it is safe to say that is a majority of us, then i think philosophy will help you in your prayer life with the questions for god. probably most of them WON'T be answered in this lifetime but at least you are gaining some ground on a real relationship with god, instead of pretending to have one on the outside and never really seeking his truth on the inside. i personally think everyone wants to have faith in something, even if it is nothing. god, who created this innate desire, wants you to have faith too. he can't force the faith; god's able to do anything but not able to do everything. god can't make me love, believe, or trust in him. that is why it feels so good when i do and then an amazing achievement comes from it. i don't do it to get an award or token because of my affection but because i KNOW he first loved, believed, and trusted me. he doesn't need me, but he sure does want me. i am ok with that.

recently i have thought about the changes i have needed to make in order to make my needs fit the budget. mostly i am talking about money, i guess, but it can also apply to a lot of other tangibles. i have friends who are the most generous people i know and would not dare challenge the notion money is evil. a few of them have it, so my aim is not that notion at all, if it was i wouldn't have those friends. i have began to really enjoy being completely without the ability to sporadically go on a road trip and have fun dropping a couple of hundred dollars. i have, for the past few months, passed up all those very scrumptious culinary wonders of the supermarket i would otherwise purchase under different circumstances. all i am saying is i have never lived like this before, and if you presented it to me even a year ago i would be very disappointed. however, there is some kind of pleasure that comes with depriving myself of the luxuries of a fallen world. am i sinning if i opt to get the bigger bag of chips that are completely unnecessary for my survival...don't be ridiculous, of course not. to pass it up and stick with the bare essentials of food has become easier and easier. a lesser man would crumble under the temptation of getting the "enabling" bag of chips that contribute to his sodium intake and sedentary lifestyle. its not that i think i am special. in a sense it is fasting. our culture has been condition to consent to the sensual cravings that are offered without a clear grasp as to what the side effects or consequences of that decision might bring. all sorts of evil has been able to fly in, under the radar as advantageous for life, without the thought as to the second side to every decision. i fall into it too, so i am not above or beyond culture. i deal with it all the time. i LIKE not having money. it keeps me out of trouble, of all sorts. it can't be bad to enjoy NOT having money, maybe people look at my life and think i don't have the faith, or i did something to not have the lord's favor. i certainly know that is not the truth. my pursuit, even if i had millions of dollars, because of who god created me to be, would not be satisfied anyway until i am operating in my fullest potential for his fame.

i am enjoying the situation. cause i am gonna look back on this one day and remember that even when i was not faithful god still was because he can't be unfaithful to what he started and will eventually complete. i got an interview tomorrow at 1030 so pray.

guzzle it down like water

so hawaii. if you've been just raise your hand. i went to the big island city of kona. i had heard that this wasn't the best for beaches but my in-laws tried and tried to get something in maui but they just couldn't get anything for the last two weeks in feb. i have never been to hawaii in the first place so i will accept any island in the middle of the pacific. my mind kept shifting to lost, and cast away. of course i was not hoping i would be in the same situation as those individuals but rather i was hoping to get a glimpse of what it might be like on an island in the pacific without anything. i didn't know what to expect but i wanted to expect that i would be darker and more "beach bum" like when i returned. what is so appealing to me about being a beach bum? i don't know, but something attracts me to living on the edge of the ocean and having nothing in life but a board and waves. i don't live like it means that much now, but when i am there i wish, oh how i wish. i have come to realize it is more than a culture or more than a popular thing to do or someone to be it really is almost an entire race by itself. these people live and breathe salt water as though they had gills like a fish; they literally guzzle it down like water. i was able, on several occasions, to walk around by myself on the lava rocks and feel the crashing power of the waves. as you would step onto rocks, getting closer to the actual edge, little crabs would scurry under their comfortable hideaways. every time i was able to be alone i would always come back to this profound idea of how disconnected humans are from creation. i was more amazed at the people who had no idea of this amazing creation and the creator behind it. they found themselves night after night sitting on the beach around 6:15ish looking out into the open west sky and watching the sun do what it has done for thousands of years. hundreds of people on the west coast just sitting, doing nothing but gazing into the sunset. people every day would flock to the shoreline and purchase a snorkel set for so much amount of money and dive out into the water in hopes of seeing something spectacular. i did this too and observed so much below the sea line. for me the truth is that creation is fully aware of its creator and groans as paul tells us in romans for the sons of god to be revealed. all those individuals snorkeling to see underwater life, those who sit on the beach watching the sun set, those living their lives as though nothing but being in the ocean matters are all longing for a connection with something that has a full knowledge and understanding of how the world operates. all of these individuals share in common the desire to be apart of something created something beautiful and good. in many cases those individuals are closer to the truth than most men who devout their whole life to the institutionalized church. i long to be connected, i long to be apart of "sons of god" that need to be revealed. i love how god has chosen to reveal himself without words. and we always cry out for a sign to be revealed. if only nature could talk...but i tell you it does. the question is...do we listen?