websites are for suckers

i have been meeting with a young man from nepal for almost a year now and periodically we will eat nepalese food, or himalayan food. it's good, i am scared every time i go in to a new restaurant but for the most part it is pretty good food. they do, however, like to put oil in most of the dishes, or at least they leave a lot of the oils in that they cook with. i was able to meet more of his family this last tuesday as we went to lunch at a place in bedford called kusum. the young man's name is kumar, and for some strange reason, i guess because of the stupid movies "harold and kumar," that makes people laugh. it kind of annoys me. kumar had brought his aunt who has her own orphanage, or what we would consider an orphanage. she houses around 19 children ranging from 3 or 4 to 15. i had remembered when kumar told me his mom wants to be a christian and how excited i became on the inside to hear this news. i thought about all the big conferences, crusades, and sports stadium's that are filled and we see them on tv's or read about them in certain articles. they are spectacular to watch online or hear. i then thought of the magnitude of one woman in one small remote village outside the capital of a small country who has a yearning in her heart for the truth of all truths. when he told me this i was filled with such a joy in my heart. it was almost as if it was not for kumar's sake but for mine. it gave me confidence in my relationship with kumar and confirmed that i could in fact be a figure in peoples lives that need to hear the gospel. well, this lunch last tuesday was just as awesome. i met his aunt and at first i didn't know she too was a believer, but near the beginning of the meeting  she had told me she went to cfni's worship on sunday or some church near by. it blew me away, and i began to find out that it wasn't kumar's mom who told her about the lord. bimala is her name, she found out about god in a completely different way and the lord brought them together. bimala is kumars wife's aunt; not really related to kumar in any way at all. in fact kumar's wife's mom doesn't get along nearly as well as with bimala, which is kumar's wife's mom's sister. that is a hard equation. but bimala kept saying over and over how god had brought me into kumar's life and how the lunch we were having that day was because of god. with all that is going on in my life and how much i lack in finances to reach this small village for christ i still have a tremendous faith that compels me to believe it is true how god brought me to meet kumar and eventually to meet his aunt. i did say one stupid thing in the lunch time i do regret, which has a profound and deep revelation for everything churches stand for in the west, or america. i was trying to think of ways to increase her ability to get donors to this cause of hers. she told me her husband had left her within the last few years and when he did the donors who helped her out left with him. he had been unfaithful with the money that had been given to him by these donors. unfortunately bimala was left with the repercussions. but i had told bimala that a website was a great tool for letting people know who she was and what she was about for her place to gain support. she replied, god has known all along, god knows the needs now, and nothing i can do will outshine the work god does. i was blown away by this faith as i slowly curled into a ball and began to suck on my thumb. i revealed the state of mind of the church, in the west, where i live. this is not the state of the mind in other parts of the world however. i tell you god is amazing, active, breathing, and sharper than any two edged sword. she entreated me to visit nepal. she told me i could stay for free and my money was no good there for living expenses. i wish i could at this moment and that is my prayer for now is to go to nepal and see this orphanage. my wife and i will have an orphanage of our own one day, that has been my dream since before i met liz. i hope to achieve it sooner than later. 

hillary a pastor!?!?

i have never wanted to be one of those guys who rants and raves about everything. i mean in a critical way of course. everyone hates the overly critical guy who does nothing but rant about how things are never going right. i tend to rant and be critical. this blog site doesn't help those opportunities. however, i do think that there are certain individuals who are meant to bring a certain balance to the mix of yea sayers and the happy, "nothing is ever wrong," fakes. not to say that everything critical is meant to bring down or be a downer and not meant to lift up. lately i have felt the conviction of supporting nonorganic, or non-spirit led christianity. i am not sure how to fully explain it, as i told my wife the other night while we lay in bed thinking and talking. liz, by the way, i love those moments when we talk about ministry, scripture, and organized church. it's great to have someone to be able to talk deep with even if i am not being deep at all. i gathered that it all had a layer of influence throughout the moments i have served in ministry. bit by bit it seemed i saw things come and go, some of the things my idea, some of the things not so much. i think i am a critical person sometimes, but let me defend my position in that i really desire to be constructively critical. so my heart is not to bring down but rather, out of love for development; especially in my home church of shady grove, where i want the greatest move of god to take place. so anything i have ever said or will say must have this disclaimer attached. i am not ever going to leave shady grove. i will never expect shady grove to pay a certain debt or speak as though shady grove owes me anything. even if hillary clinton were to become a major influence or pastor i would exercise my influence to strengthen the kingdom of god and not the kingdom of shady grove. i guess of she became pastor there would be a lot of headache's but i know that the legacy of shady grove church will pass away when everyone is long gone. the one thing i know will remain will be the word of god and that will be more attractive and last longer than any website, political agenda, minister, worship leader, musician, visitor incentive package, light show, or gold plated offering plate man could build. all this to say there is no legacy to be built apart from the truth of the word of god. i will struggle for the rest of my life to be noticed by men for my ability to do any one particular thing, i think this is my "thorn." this thorn is not for my impediment of the truth but it has its place for my development and advancement of the truth. it keeps me humble in so many words. this is the all familiar pattern of the inner struggle for control. i thank you god i am not and i thank you that you are.

shhhhh no talking!

i am really getting into this ambient stuff. a few of the bands i am enjoying are probably mainstream, but give me time to get the real stuff.

helios 

loscil

these videos are kinda cheesy but the music is the point. of course:

hammock

eluvium

the dead texan

these are just a few of the bands i really hope to be able to sound similar to one day. i am working on some stuff that is close. i really enjoy meditational music that doesn't sound to new-agey and that doesn't have to many lyrics. this stuff is like butter on my bible roll.

time keeps on tick, tick, tickin away

oh my gosh i am ready for a fixed schedule! does anyone ever have these seasons where they want everything to be normal and fixed every week. i wanna wake up every monday knowing what i need to be doing that week and doing it in the prearranged time. i attribute this to school and the ever changing process of my study habits. i am not sure when i will have time to study this, write that, or read that text. i can't wait for a normal work schedule to reveal itself from behind the veil. whole foods is not helping this either with the off days switching from day to day. oh well. i do wonder though how much control i have of my routine. i guess a mock weekly schedule is appropriate for clarity:

monday 

my waking will take place before the 8am call of the beckoning child (as though i get up anyway to get peanut). the rise is followed by my neck exercises prescribed by dr. rob and a quick breakfast consisting of toasted ezekiel bread with butter and honey as toppings, all washed down by the decaf chai medley i have mastered. this sound wonderful, no? well, who asked you anyway? off to the dr. to get my spinal fix, back home again to attend to my sons needs for an hour. since this is my mock schedule i would like to go to work around 11am and end my work day around 7pm. ending at 7 assures me that i will make it to the prayer center by 8 for the weekly watch with landon, allyster, danny, jon and sometimes hunter. by the way, this watch has been going great so if anyone would like to come to worship with us, and i am not gonna lie, it's a little louder than the average prayer center worship, than by all means make your way up there. the watch ends at 10 and i am off to la maison for sleep, and maybe a sneak attack ; ). 

tuesday

hopefully the sleep has warranted my body enough ability to concentrate on any studying i would like to achieve before the rest of the fam wakes. when i say studying i do not mean school, i mean the bible and the current book i am reading. the one i am reading now is the political writings of john adams. i would think that work would be efficient for me so tracking off to whole foods marketplace around 10am would be great. the gathering takes place on tuesday nights so a night of fellowship with friends and compadres would be nice. then off to the house hopefully in a decent timely fashion to do the marriage dance with liz. 

wednesday

this day is similar to monday mornings routine except that when i get home i would love to do some exercise outside. when i am done with that hang out with my son before his afternoon nap. maybe this day i would like to have off and just be able to contemplate about my life and things going on in my friends lives to see how i could benefit them. i like to be actively seeking out ways to help my friends and not waiting until something traumatizing happens before i make a move a noticeable care. since i am starting my practicum i may go to the site on this day later on in the afternoon or evening and visit with clients. man, that sentence sounds so great to me! since i am attempting to transition out of 1829 i would spend the evening working at the clinic. this would not be a late night, well, if lost is still going then it will be a late night over at nathan's house. i would be home by 11 barring that the lost crew make it to his house on time and we start the show. but after the seasons finale i believe some good ole fashion hanging out is best.

thursday

this morning is "study the word" morning. i mean study study study. maybe good ideas to complete the curriculum's i am in the process of writing. but noon is lunch with the fam and then off to the counseling center to do more counseling. done by 6 or 7 and back home to have dinner with one of the couples or individuals liz and i love to minister to. 

friday

i would hope to work early this day so that i can have off by 33o or 4ish. come home hang with the kid and wife before heading over to a shabbat service with one of the shabbat parties that happen (watkins, dunn's, my parents, smith's, etc.). this day is all geared towards getting the weeks stuff done so that fellowship and fun can take its toll. 

saturday

 i enjoy taking dutch over to my mom's house so that liz and i can have our morning time for breakfast and stuff. later on in the afternoon i would maybe go to work til around 8ish. 

sunday

this day is scattered. usually i am on someone's worship team. i am currently playing at a church in southlake called eleven7 and another church in friscoe called 4 corners calls me every now and then to play. i do wish, however, that shady grove payed their players. i play at shady for free because i love that it is different than the other two, and of course it is my home church. church in the morning and then afternoon is nap time and i don't know why it is so necessary for a nap but if it doesn't happen then forget about it. usually all this is said and done by 3ish. the night is open but ideally what i like to do is venture up to shady grove and play in the auditorium by myself and work on music that i have written. it's fun and therapeutic for me. get home and think about the whole thing starting over again.

i know many can't handle a routine. they have many reasons why they couldn't. i think it is easier to change routine than it is to change sporadic schedules. at the current time i can't plan to meet with anyone to hang out or talk til i find out my schedule first. i can't invite couples over for dinner til i find out what nights i have for school. but i love schedules and i love routines. i feel as though i can recall what i am actually getting done in life. with an unclear schedule i am always thinking about what i wish, should, or need to be doing at that time instead of what i am doing. i do feel like great things are about to happen because of the faith, prayers, and desires that my heart has expressed to the god who is living and breathing.