not the wallet

the bills, at times, come unexpectedly. i know i am not the only one who experiences this phenomenon. this last summer we had our everyday bills meet our end of the school year bills. they all had a fight and ultimately the budget lost.

on the week of july 19th 2005 i witnessed a pretty amazing moving by the lord. this was the week the lord pressed upon a few people to give extravagantly towards a ministry trip liz and i took to denmark. it was a trip that changed our life and gave us a greater perspective for missions upon the european landscape. so, now that we live in belgium, as missionaries, you can see why it was such a great moment in our lives. i logged this monumental moment in my journal that same week and read it in my quiet time (periodically i go back through my journal entries on the particular day that coincides). i was so full of joy reading that entry. i encourage EVERYONE to write down these profound moments of god's handiwork for this exact reason, remembering and rejoicing. we ended up receiving nearly $1500 in a week time span. the lord moving different people, some people we knew, some we didn't even know until that moment.

you can imagine how bummed i was after having a wonderful meditation and receiving a few bills in the mail, that were unexpected. "lord, why?" i thought to myself. what could i do? nothing, well, nothing that would involve my own strength. i needed a miracle. i did the only thing i knew to do...pray. i prayed throughout the day, without ceasing that god would make a way for this money to come in. i was in constant dialogue with my maker.

that evening i received a request to skype with a dear friend and a donor to our ministry. she didn't allow much chit chat to happen before she was out with her intentions, "how much do you need?" she said. i was hesitant because she already gives so much and i was not comfortable with confessing our needs, for bills, that is not the missionary code, you don't raise money for bills. she wouldn't let me beat around the bush. "zach," she said, "how much do you need?" i told her the few bills we had and she said, "i am wiring money to cover it all right now as we speak."

"what," i said, "are you kidding me!?!?!?"

because of god's faithfulness to his people we are able to make ends meet. i will leave you with the last line of the entry i had for his faithfulness 8 years ago...

the lord is strong and mighty, true to those who believe in his name, trust in him, and not their wallet!

amazing like that

i can remember waking to the news of god doing a work in someone else's life and it resulted in provision for me. there have been so many moments in my life where i had been in tears asking god for provision and asking him for some kind of miraculous breakthrough in order to accomplish something or fulfill an obligation. just as i would pray those words out to him, the very next day i would wake to news of someone, somewhere feeling the urge to bless me or my family in some capacity that was directly related to my petitioning.

god is amazing like that.

what is also true is provision coming from the most unlikely source, or the most unthought of location. even this last trip i had to the states, i felt sure i would see such breakthrough for personal support for what liz and i are doing in belgium. i knew i had some great conversations as i laid my head down to sleep at the end of the day. most of the breaking news of provision while i had been gone was from people in other parts of the world; people i had not even directly connected with while on this particular trip to the states.

god is amazing like that.

i firmly believe god is watching over me and my family. these are the simple and small lessons that are daily reminders in the "god story," (as dutch calls it) the book we read together before bed.

sometimes i have been apart of the greatest provision but fail to see it as such. when my wife and i moved over here to belgium, we had a great plan and it looked feasible. it really was a no brainer from my perspective. however, a week out it seemed things needed to be different and change. the provision of liz's employment now seemed to be more or less a curse from my perspective. i struggled with the genuine calling to be in the land and if this was what i was really meant to be doing. she was in a completely different role than we had planned and even for her the new role was a shift from how she was to operate and function in the company. this new role was actually a "highly" recommended opportunity from her supervisor. long story short...her old position and most of the employees in that department were cut and the department went through massive reduction.

our view of provision is very, VERY one-sided, most of the time. our scope is limited and the big picture escapes our plans in some circumstances. however, i must remember there is ONE who sits on a throne and governs the entirety of life. his provision is HIS provision and may not always align with my way of doing things. if we are to be excited and rejoice in the provision that feels warm and cozy and makes a way for our circumstances to flourish the way we want, we must also cherish the moments of provision even in the midst of great pain and difficulty as it might call us into a season we are dreading. sometimes what we think is best is only something that is good. we might be able to survive, we might be able to get along, but i think this will only prove to be tolerable at best. however, HIS provision supersedes "good," it transcends "tolerable." his provision is BEST and submission to his will will only go to show you through a transformed heart and mind that...

god is amazing like that.

throw me a lifeline will you

i love that joke about the guy who is floating along in a lifeboat because his boat had sunk in the middle of the ocean and he is asking god to rescue him. have you heard this one? he asks god to help him, well, low-and-behold a ship comes by, a cruise liner with tons of room, and the lone stranded captain of the lifeboat says, "no thanks, god will save me." another ship comes sailing along, this one an oil tanker, and the man again says, "no thanks, my god is big enough to save me." the man prays again, "lord save me from this circumstance." another boat comes cruising by, this one a cargo ship, and the man says again, "no thank you, my faith tells me that god will supply my need of rescuing." well, the guy drowns. i know sad story. he goes to heaven and is frustrated with god and asks him, "why didn't you save me, i prayed and prayed for rescue?!?!" gods response is simply, "you dummy i sent three large vessels to go by you and you didn't get on any of them!"

i am sure god wouldn't call anyone a dummy whatever the case. but i like this joke because it describes me far too often. maybe that is why i think about it more than most jokes. i am definitely the kind of person that will not ask for help and then get mad at you for not helping.

here is the logic in my head:

you should notice the need before i should have to ask.

this gets me into trouble because it shows that i am really wanting people to pay attention to me more than they should. i like to think that i watch out for others needs and that i attend to them even if they don't ask. but the truth is i don't pay attention as much as i think i do. many times i feel like i am stretching far more than anyone else is and especially when i am without everyday commodities that others have taken for granted. part of me takes pride in a "suffering for jesus" kind of mentality; and there it is again, that word, "pride." it is really hard to take pride in suffering for jesus if no one will notice how hard i am suffering. all that to say thank you lord for continuing to teach me humility because no one should be impressed with my suffering for your names sake.

all of this leads to a grumbling and complaining spirit. comparing what you have to others and possibly exhibiting jealous outbursts. you may still be able to get things done but not as quickly nor with the same amount of fervor as if you had just let god do what god does instead of trying to play god yourself. if this ideology is in your worldview then it really messes with you. when encountering others who genuinely struggle with generosity your worldview of you should know my needs will really not blend well with that individual.

and we begin to ask...

where is my provision,

where is my break through,

where is my blessing and ultimately

where is my JUSTICE?

uh-oh, justice, JUSTICE!?!?!? yes this has been my deduction. i am looking forward to teaching my son fairness/justice. i think he is getting it and who knows maybe i won't have to teach him that lesson. but ultimately i have to look at "the word" and because i am a sinner what i deserve is hell. thank god i don't have to receive that. so with everything else that pertains to what god gives and what he is providing, i must look and measure, according to the cross of christ, my actions and not the deeds of others.

my conclusion is that i have freely been given, therefore too i must freely give away. the measure of generosity received is proportionate to the generosity given. this is just one more of those axioms that seem to clash with how the real world operates. jesus was constantly asking and doing, i might add most sublimely, what he saw as an exact demonstration and operation of the kingdom of heaven. but this should not be of any surprise because he is the radiance of his glory and the exact representation of his nature (hebrews 1:3).

finally brethren rejoice, be made complete, be comforted, be like-minded, live in peace; and the god of love and peace shall be with you (2 cor. 13:11).