easy does it

i hate this woman...

...having to take public transportation while being pregnant. it really has taken a toll on her. it does mean she works from home more which i can enjoy. however, she is unable to do much during the week and the moment she gets home from work, when she does go, she is wiped due to the walk from to the train station and back again.

i love her and actually think she is pretty hot and tempting sittin there all fine with her pregnant self. it taxes me in a different way as well coming from a culture (american, christian) that speaks loudly the male's role in the household. i am NOT in that role from that perspective. so it is rough mentally.

a car looks doable but still lacking in funds is holding us back from going with the best thing that becomes available. 

more above the clouds

the knowledge of god and of his son jesus christ is obtainable. we search the scriptures for who he is and we call on the spirit to reveal him. however much we petition for this revelation we can still attest to our limited scope. we climb and climb; yet, there is more mountain top above the cloud line. i ask myself over and over every moment of temptation to compare my understanding with another's level of insight, "surely it mustn't be in the ability to achieve the highest level of wisdom as much as it is the actual pursuit of knowing him, right?" in other words...

its the journey AND the destination right?

obtaining the level of some of my literary heros or some of my friends may never happen. i am ok with that. i am not ok with, however, having this desire to know god on a deeper level, than i know now, and doing absolutely nothing about that desire. between a self righteous religious zealot and a young man who is hungry and doing everything to find the true nature of god, give me the young man every time. i would rather walk in a relationship with some one who is active in their pursuit of knowing god on a deeper level, realizing mistakes, persevering through hard realities, accepting the justice of god despite what the world teaches, and teachable. more so than one who will not budge upon a fresh move of the spirit to know him on a deeper level.

reading through 2 peter i found these truths in verse 2 of chapter 1. the author is requesting that grace and peace be multiplied to the one in pursuit of knowing god more and his son more. lord knows we are quickly throwing in the towel and giving up upon the first obstacle proving to change us from our self righteousness. knowing god's standards, his purpose, his direction, his peace, his love, his desires, and his wisdom not for our lives only but for the community in which we operate.
knowing him...

1. it's a participation on my part. i will be actively engaging in ways to know him more than what i am doing now. my activity is all motivated by his glory (verse 3). not more programs, but more as in growth, and a deeper pursuit. this is a personal struggle on a personal level. ask yourself, "what level is my participation in getting to know him? could i be doing something more/else that would grow me in achieving greater knowledge of who he is and bring him greater glory?"

2. it's a devotion to his standards. it's a devotion to what he has placed on the earth to be; unmovable and unshakeable. this proves to reveal your absolute need for him as more constant than the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. the moment you cease to pursue, you will feel the longing and the appetite will rise. ask yourself, "do i purposefully look for inconsistencies in god's word? do i see a correlation between a lack of devotion and an increase in my appetite for a greater fulfillment?"

3. it's a manifestation of a life devoted and a life actively participating in pursuing god. your life will reflect to the world around that you are indeed a follower of god and hold to his son as the way the truth and life. you will manifest his radiance and his glory. a life that does not manifest this is one that can be questioned as to what its greatest devotion belongs. ask yourself, "what is the fruit of my labor? is my fruit producing glory to god or is it removing glory from him?"

i needed this today...but then again i need it everyday.

less manipulation

within the depths of my heart you would find a longing for a continual flame to burn. the flame that just seems to slowly tenderize my passion for the lord in every area of my life. all aspects, all words, every action, and every reaction i eagerly anticipate to become consumed with this fire until my entire being is formed to the image my creator intends.

often times, as a worshipping aspect of the ministry, it is a risk going into an opportunity not knowing anything about the partners in ministry, namely the speaker. there have been some very embarrassing moments as expectations of what the speaker is desiring are completely misunderstood by the entire worship team. you can see it, sometimes you can feel it, and more times than not you can definitely hear it. it is frustrating to witness these awkward moments when it is completely apparent that the flow of the spirit is missed and the anointing in the service is dropped. please, as one believer to another, do not under appreciate or underestimate the power of the spirit's anointing. especially those of you who aspire to be involved in ministry that puts you in different places at a moments notice.

last weekend there was yet another clear demonstration of the value of this flame for the believer. traveling around and doing ministry in many different cultures, on different continents, with different people groups, age groups, all with theologies ranging across the board one thing must remain essential in order for the proper effect to take place. it is the move and flow of the anointing of the holy spirit that makes the work seamless and the connection between worship team and unknown speaker operate in unity. we witnessed this working in amsterdam this last weekend. not knowing the speaker from the barista at starbucks didn't seem to interrupt what god wanted to do in the lives of young people. all we needed was a look from him to know how loud to get, to change the dynamic, to go big, to go quiet and all of this as we are moving in the anointing that is poured out by the spirit in the moment. after the service chatting with the speaker his comment rang loud and clear with me, "it is so good to work with people who can sense the anointing and move with it." it was as if we had clearly communicated with him beforehand our song list, or style, and who was leading our team.

the greatness of the meeting was confirmed by the spirit and the anointing that flowed. the connection of words from the speaker and songs from the worship team were confirmed by the spirit and the anointing that flowed. the changed lives of the young people was done only through the work of the spirit and not the manipulation of the speaker or worship team as the anointing flowed.

praise the lord for such an opportunity. i thank him for granting me the eyes to see this magnificent demonstration of his power and gearing me up for the next great manifestation through the anointing of his spirit. my heart is highly anticipating his next move!

daniel the cross

its weird to study particular events and find out how to properly respond to them and then actually apply what you study. as i was discussing my counseling and calling with someone today i began to realize what little things were placed in my path to increase my desire for the counseling profession. one thing that led to another and before you i knew it i was faced with the decision to actually pursue it as my personal calling.

a few weeks ago there was a young man who was living in amsterdam as a student in masters commission amsterdam noord. he, along with the other members of the team, went to moldova to do some missions work and serve one of the missionaries there. upon the return of the group he had some trouble re-entering the european union. he was from the united states and therefore had some visa issues and the officials at the border simply would not allow him in. his only option was to fly back to moldova to stay with the missionaries that hosted them. while there in moldova he had decided to take a shower in hopes that the steam would help relieve symptoms of a head cold. he had steamed the room so full that there had been an issue with his breathing and apparently he passed out and suffocated, all this according to the examiner. completely random to us finite individuals and an accident, but make no mistake god was fully aware.

needless to say, this traumatic event emotionally rocked the students. there was a much needed break from the regular routine and activity. because of our (ninth hour) close relationship with the director of the school we were able to minister to the group while they stayed in brussels. during their stay we led worship, taught, ministered, prophesied, and counseled the students through the week. it was very unfortunate in the reason they had to come to brussels but in this experience we came alive. the lord did some amazing things through the team as we ministered to the students.

particularly, i was able to apply those very things that i had learned in my studies to be a counselor in the states. one of the sessions i wanted to do was a grief sharing moment for the group as a whole (the group dynamic is essential to the exercise). this was a time that the students could share memories and thoughts about the young man who had passed. this proved to be very healing for most of them. there was not a quiet moment as the students reflected on first encounters and random thoughts that the young man had while interacting with the students. it was as if they could relive those times of getting to know him and they truly convinced me this guy was someone that left a positive mark on everyone who encountered him.

i came alive as i felt the healing anointing of the holy spirit in these moments with the students. the great thing is that i received some of this healing as well as god reminded me of the hunger he gave me many moons ago for individuals to live and walk through tough times yet allow god to actually grow their faith in him.

the students have been enormously encouraged throughout this last month and i was so happy to be apart of the journey. i am trying to make this as encouraging as i can while not just skimming over the fact that a well loved and magnificent individual has passed on to the place his soul was longing. paul, to the church in corinth, exhorts that "if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from god, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. for indeed in this house we groan, longing to be clothed with our dwelling in heaven...having put it on we will not be found naked" (2 cor. 5:1-3).

the director was able to go back to the states for a few days to take part in the memorial service. the parents, who are committed believers, had been talking with him about how they have been walking through this difficult time. the director of the school, upon talking with the parents, comforted them with the idea that after entering into god's presence as their son has, he truly would want that more than anything else in the world. i can only imagine how such an experience would be so great that we would be willing to not come back, if we had the option. being in god's presence is truly an AMAZING place to be. i recommend you spend all the time you can on this earth, here and now, in his presence.