03/02/05

i was able to dig out some of my journal entries from when i started journaling. this one was on this day in '05:

i wanna sing a new song oh lord. a song of a new hope. a song of new revelation. a song of new destiny for this generation. a song of desperation to grow in our faith and confidence in you the unfailing god. so i praise you oh lord. i give you honor and a word beyond recognition. i pray your face and name would be known beyond the recognition of who we know you to be (meaning a deeper revelation of him). more than what we have known. more than what we have tasted, more than what we have seen. a song of new glory. the some anointing grace but in a new way. lord prepare me oh lord for this song of glorification to you.

awaken me oh god to your peace and give me a hope that this glory in which we sing about would fall through the heavens and hit us like a violent wave of the ocean hits the land. let us not be able to contain it and let it be so intoxicating to where we choose to jump in and be soaked by your presence.

oh lord break me

oh lord break me

oh lord break me

oh lord break me

oh lord break me

oh lord break me

heavy stuff even for me now at this point. i can't really remember what it was i was going thru or was praying about but none the less i know god was doing something.

wrath 2

i think we limit our understanding of god and his awesome power when we cloak him with the anthropomorphic language we commonly use for him. we get this from seeing responses of others and even in the church these attributes are all to often not different from the pagan societies we are quick to slander. the tendency is to look at human attributes and because man is the closest creation to god's likeness we accredit what man accomplishes in his emotions to the likeness of god. this is a problem. because we are a fallen race and although an image of our creator a broken and fractured icon at best.

but when scripture speaks of god anthropomorphically, it does not imply that the limitations and imperfections which belong to the personal characteristics of us sinful creatures belong also to the corresponding qualities in our holy creator; rather, it takes for granted that they do not

so this explains that god's responses and actions are not the same motives and findings you might find in many of the actions amongst the created man. it's not foolish, immoral, impulsive retribution as you would find amongst your peers. it is always a right and a necessary response or reaction to moral evil, thus god's anger is only present when righteously warranted. i pose this question as j. i. packer states, would a god who took as much pleasure in evil as he did in good be a good god? god's wrath is always judicial and therefore a righteous judge administering justice. which is what we ferociously pray for?

wrath 1

i have always wanted to be able to explain the wrath of god in ways that made sense to unbelievers and believers alike. in the times we live, when one speaks of god, it has been my experience that there is so much reaction that is quite different from the next. you have many camps of beliefs in a god just not the one i am referring to. there are some who really could care less because their view of god is that he does not exist...or at least i think they want to believe he does not exist but truly in their heart they know he does. there are some who believe in god and hold to the gospel according to oprah. this is the thought that all roads lead to your heavenly creator and no one path is more righteous than the next. there are some who believe in god but when it comes to issues that are familiar with the fallen state of humanity they could not believe a god who would have an adverse affect to sin. in other words, they choose to not see god as a "hater," but rather a lover of all things even the very immorality they so choose to indulge. then there are some who are quite and completely different than what we hear about in the mainstream media and they are the fundamentalists who build compounds, foster many children through many wives and are unwavering believers in god's eventual wrath that is meant to annihilate the existence of man...except for them of course. but for me, i believe it is real, i believe there is and will be judgement, i believe also that god's incarnation made atonement and even though the debt cannot be cleared, it has been paid for. so what should be said for the wrath of god?

"to an age which has unashamedly sold itself to the gods of greed, pride, sex and self-will, the church mumbles on about god's kindness but says virtually nothing about his judgement."

i know the church has been destined to be many things in the communities in which they are represented. that being said, it is funny to find many changing their very identity to reflect that of the community. if leadership desires monetary status planting a church in a financially respected district seems practical. likewise, a desire for a thriving spanish speaking community will not prove to be advantageous if it seeks to establish the congregation in anchorage alaska. this convinces me that despite my desire for the church to be one what i view as one comes in another form. i have no desire to be apart of a brazilian church. so i will trust the leaders of the brazilian congregations will hear from god for their church and what they do at this particular juncture does not concern me. but even though the image of the church changes on the outside, (whether that is viewed as righteous or not is not what i find important here in this post) i do believe that the teaching of the all powerful god in the inside remains constant for the entire body of christ. that means from the conception in acts 2 til now, the principles of god and all his attributes DO NOT CHANGE for his bride.

i guess the two characteristics or the attributes i would like to discuss are god's anger, wrath, and fury and that of his love and tenderness. some might say the two are not mutually exclusive. i would whole heartedly agree. but as it is what i have seen of the church, i find that it is not equally represented, therefore giving me the suggestion that they ARE in fact different. so when the already confused individual who has endured tribulation his whole life is presented with god as an option, the imagery of the choice is chocolate or brussels sprouts. who in their right mind would choose brussels sprouts? however you read the bible to understand who god is you might find it interesting that a study of the concordance will show that there are more references to god's wrath and anger than there are to his love and tenderness. "the bible labors the point that just as god is good to those who trust him, so he is terrible to those who do not."

dumb animals

the art of hospitality may seem simplistic. sadly, however, it is not. the common mistake so many handily make is not on the extension side but rather on the receiving side. as a recipient of gracious hospitality on this wonderful island of guadeloupe i have observed not that the ambassadors of the church are extremely humble, gracious, and unselfish. trust me they are all of those qualities. but rather what steps i must take to further strengthen the relationship. it would be just like an american from the united states to expect this type of hospitality. and maybe there are some who feel they do not deserve such gracious service. maybe yet still there are some who believe they are in no way going to allow someone to carry their bags for them, open car doors, provide all the meals, and drive them wherever they want when ever they want. hospitality is culturally bound. in the united states, men may open the door for women...maybe. there is a degree of respect in the united states for difference in gender which provokes one to be hospitable and serve others. even still in europe, the cultures are very similar but i have noticed in observance of a guests arrival and the proper procedures upon dinner, or eating of any meal, is to wait and stand upon arrival of said guest. maybe you don't do these things, or if your european and they seem unfamiliar, it is not because it doesn't happen it is because your understanding of hospitality is limited to your experience and external teaching. i am not different in this educational process. i too don't follow all of the cultural norms and etiquette as close or as much as i should towards my fellow man. so the challenge i am presented with in this country is very real.

previously in trips of invitation, or being a guest of honor, the way i am treated is very very very wonderful. i could say about every place i have been, "this is the most hospitable country i have ever traveled!" i am forced, upon conversation with my common friends, to reveal how i was received and treated and i truly and honestly could not say that is was different than other times i have traveled. i do not want to say it was better there, or it was better in this place, or that. gods design of hospitality was not mean to be a one sided avenue. there is a response that must be given. in what form i am not sure of but in my most recent experience i believe it requires my attention to how my comment or response to hospitality will change the dynamic of the relationship. i know an example is needed here.

those that are hosting me in this church speak french...i do not, yet. what i have noticed is that if i mention i like something, or mention i would like to go to a location we might notice an immediate detour for that location. this is the urgency and desire of service that these people have on their hearts. is it gifting, or is it trained? i mention a good wine that i favored and the very next day i would find it gift wrapped for me to take home. one evening volcanic ash covered the ground quite similar to the snow fall i had missed in texas. as we approached the building to the church for the service you could anticipate an individual with an umbrella ready to usher us in without one spot of ash on our person.

it spoke to me. it yelled at me. it upper cut me in the face. the moment i thought this service was not real and would give way to true human character of self seeking i was awestruck with another exhibition of humility. the most endearing lesson i have ever learned. these people followed there orders given without question, or if they questioned they petitioned it to god...and not the pastor. look at yourself. look at your service. i am well aware of faults of my leaders and i am well aware of what i would like things to look like or how i think they should run. to have a shepherd who you follow without question is not to deny your ability, on the contrary, you will not be anybody significant without a shepherd to guide you. to question your leader reveals a great deal of distrust and insecurity in your own heart in the god you claim to serve. we all have an issue with submission. and i mean we all do. i know leaders mislead, take advantage, misguide, and give horrible counsel quite regularly. especially in this wonderfully blessed nation we live in we find that what we value as freedom actually gives credentials for a great deal of misguided leadership an opportunity to flourish and further create a hard heart amongst other selfish people. this creates dissension inside the church which has root in every congregation and feeds the philosophy of independence. it's message resounds from every corner. if you want to be anybody you must do it on your own. this is not the kingdom i so hope to be apart. we all like sheep have gone astray. and if i have learned anything about sheep in my study i have learned that sheep are dumb animals who need guiding.

the lord is my shepherd, i shall not want.

he makes me lie down in green pastures;

he leads me beside quiet waters.

he restores my soul;

he guides me in the path of righteousness

for his name's sake

faith challenged by my 2 year old

moments with dutch are becoming better and better. every now and then he will exert this charge of energy that he has never exhibited before. i am amazed at some of the things he is capable of doing on his own. he is really good at identifying all kinds of trucks, from trash trucks to tankers. his vocabulary is expanding rapidly and it is becoming so much easier to communicate with him. i wish they came out of the womb able to communicate effectively. i mean, at least at a 2 year old level that would be just as good and i would be satisfied. i do think it is a strategy or a plan designed by the great developer of mankind that babies are incapable of conveying what it is they want. it requires the parents to invest not just hands, money, or time, but ears, eyes, and patience, which are among the most underrated attributes amongst parents in their rearing of children. i am certainly not the cream of the crop. i owe most, if not all, to my wonderful wife. liz has invested much and selflessly given all the while maintaining control over her frustration at a child who will not just shut up and go to sleep already (note: that is my description of what is going on and NOT endorsed by liz).

i secretly have my vested interest in my children. there are certain things i will not hold back in revealing to them. this conviction is a direct response of the understanding of the continual fallen state if the hebrews. reading the older testament i see the failure in the parents to teach and instruct their young in the ways of the lord. this will not be the case amongst my family. the most common argument against this approach to parenting is understood in the modern culture and it is commonly expressed or manifested in the form of idolatry. the parent in this model allows the child to develop their own understanding of the world which is formed from their selfishness. the god-given responsibility of the parent is to steward the child in a direction which brings out convictions upon the child that are current with the original state of the created order. yes, this original state of the created order will be impossible to attain this side of the grave, however, the god of this design has not changed despite his creation's choices. the pursuit of the god of this created order has a very strict definition. bottom line, i am not god, you are not god, so to allow a sinful and selfish soul to pursue a worldview and or life however they see fit is NOT an approach that will, in the end, prove to be beneficial for that child.

that said i have an amazing and challenging experience to share with you. i had recently purchased some jeans from urban outfitters which i did not originally try on. i got home only to realize i have thunder thighs and would not feel comfortable with everyone able to see all of my business. as much as i am proud of my god who created me, i don't believe it is a good witness for me. you can do it all you want, it doesn't bother me for you to wear jeans that are fastened to your flesh. for me it proves to be too uncomfortable. i then made the decision that i needed to return them to the store, or just exchange them for a bigger pair around the waist. tonight, was the perfect night. i would get off work around 7, run home grab the jeans, and go to dallas. at work i thought to myself that it would be cool to bring dutch along. i mean, we are not going to be out late and we would be home in time for his bedtime. i had texted liz to have him ready for me to just swing by and pick him up. the moment i got home from work and opened the door his greeting words were, "go dallas with daddy." liz told me he had been saying it all night after she told him i wanted to go with him. ahhhhhh, it melted my heart. we ventured out to dallas and upon arrival at mockingbird station i knew we would have to park in the parking garage. we parked and got out and made our way onto the elevator. now, dutch always wants liz or i to carry him when we get on moving things like this. i had no problem with holding him, there were about 10 strangers in the elevator with us so this was understood that i wanted him close. so we are in the elevator and of course everyone is absolutely quiet, when all of a sudden dutch opens his mouth and says rather loudly, "praise jesus!" my eyes got a little big as i knew arabic people, which we had with us in the elevator, are not commonly believers in yeshua, at least not in the praising him sense. at this moment i felt my faith challenged by my 2 year old son. i then felt a sense of pride rise up in me as i looked at him and said amen. i walked away not really thinking anything of it. i am sitting here now, however, thinking about how proud he made me at that moment.

if you are like me then you really do want your level of faith to be greatly surpassed by your offspring. i think inside of me the greatest comfort of my existence will be to see my son walking in such a way where he is completely oblivious to the desensitizing of the flesh and that his faith is not sobered by our idolatrous culture. i want him constantly living with the hope of the gospel on the forefront of his mind while portraying a life of grace to every individual he encounters. wow, what a moment, i hope it is not the last i know with this little giant man of god.