my worst nightmare

you want to know what my worst nightmare is? not actually getting to find out what happens at the end of my nightmare.

i know that sounds weird but let me explain...

i have noticed over the course of my adult life i require certain pillows to sleep with. recently i have enjoyed sleeping with two pillows so that my body can have a 90 degree angle with one leg propped up over one of the pillows. i didn't always do this but since i have started, i've noticed a great deal of relief on my back. especially since my day usually consists of walking...lots of steps.

another thing i have noticed is the kind of pillow i lay my head on. it CANNOT be those memory foam pillows. the moment i started sleeping on those i can vividly recall the headaches and neck aches i would wake with only to endure pain throughout my entire day. consequently, going back to the original style of pillow was the best thing i did for my sleep.

now something i have noticed as of recently is that my days are being filled more and more with a strong desire to collapse and take a nap around midday. i have been struggling to figure this one out. i am 31, decent eater, i exercise REGULARLY, and i go to bed in plenty of time. the other variables include things like when i need to wake up and what did i do that day, etc, etc. titus, my youngest, at this moment, is pretty regular in his wake up time...7-7:30. but i am not usually bothered by an early riser (unless it is the weekend) because i too, desire to rise early. so the fact that he sleeps until 7:30 is not that big of a deal. i should normally be up at this time.

what i can only attribute my frustration for the inability to rise early is one thing. being woken up in the middle of the night for anything has been revealed through science to destroy any ambition at an early wake-up call. i am serious. anytime i am woken from a very dead like sleep for anything, i have found my mornings to be extremely difficult and my mood to be very temperamental. it is spiraling out of control and i don't know how to stop it! and i have another kid coming...AHHH!!!

it is nobodies fault really. i just have kids, a pregnant wife, responsibilities, and a strong desire to pray and seek the lord early in the morning. lord, help me.

sometimes i find myself, after being woken up, trying to go back to sleep to pick up the story right where i was in the dream...even if it is a nightmare.