we await

i meant to post this the other day but i had forgotten. i just now wrote it down on paper. i had a clear vision on sunday in the midst of being prayed over by those who prayed over those walking through the long "refreshing line" after dr. wilks' word. i saw myself standing on a sand dune in a desert like environment. directly in front of me was a flat wilderness like wasteland with a mountainous range beyond the flat landscape maybe 5 miles off, but clearly visible to the naked eye. the terrain leading to this range was dry and barren. the dune i presently stood on, with my back to this flat wasteland, contained a company of elders or leaders of some sort. these leaders varied in age from young to old, but they carried with them an authority to deploy and decree. these agents of power clearly turned to me on this dune and said, "we await your orders." i slowly turned towards the vast barren layout and behold there was a multitude of soldiers, warriors, who awaited my command for advancement. they all had the attire for battle directly on them. these soldiers were not scattered or in disarray. these soldiers did not have the look of bewilderment nor was there any fear within their countenance. it was almost as if they had been waiting their whole life for a moment such as this. and it all was to be released on my command!

yours and mine

"when characterized by grace, covenant and empowerment family is a very beautiful thing, but when it is ruled by law, contract and possessive power, it is a very dark and painful reality."

compromise of the unconquered

i was reading in the first chapter of judges and came across the last few versus which are significant. in verse 28 it states:

and it came about when israel became strong, that they put the canaanites to forced labor, but they did not drive them out completely.

it hit me how important it was for the israelites to not just conquer but overcome and drive out the already existing inhabitants. these inhabitants were a clear representation of the influence that draws us away from our creator. they were the harlot that drew the israelites into adultery. we read about the torment of compromising the covenant with god for the sake of finding a way on our own. i say on our own because, i am confident the mainstream thought running through the minds of the people was congruent with scripture..."make these inhabitants our work force." this, to me, seems appropriate and logical, does it not? make these influences work for us in order to further our opportunity. logical...yes, perfect covenant...no! with one foot in the enemies camp, however the relationship is, dominant, friendly, cooperative, or strictly oppositional you have a foot IN the enemies camp. there will be a pull, there will be a stirring, there will always be, according to our heavenly father, a threat to the children he so loves to the point of death. god's words were clear to his children, "...behold i have given the land into his (judah) hand." and even before this event god's promise was the land flowing with milk and honey. his promise is not only a promise but an irrevocable motion. he can't go back on any part of his word. we can and do on many occasions interfere with "the motion" set in place. so the point here is the compromise of the unconquered. can we conquer? no, because we have no ability. we can overcome, we can drive out, we have been given that authority. jesus conquered through his blood and we overcome by his blood, we drive out by his blood. when we approach our creator may we have this at the forefront of our petitions and prayers. he is good, delight in him because you know he is good and has conquered. do not approach him as though you are on death row and he is the governor and there is a slight chance of a pardon. approach him as david suggest in psalm 37, delighting in him beforehand, it says, he will give you the desires of your heart.

marlene from chillerz

while it is still fresh on my mind i would like to post some things i have discovered this past week whilst among youth at the annual youth camp.

1. beware of the nimblenore

2. mind the wasps

3. earth ball is always a good idea at the beginning

4. bring sunscreen

5. bring your own food

6. get ready for some amazingly powerful exhortations

7. bring earplugs

8. bring in ear monitors

9. hide your bottled water that you bring

10. expect the boys rooms to smell like beef jerky

there were some great advantages for leaving and setting up early. i was able to get alone with god and my thoughts to ask him for some things i would hope happen in my life in the duration of camp. i realized, again, i am a guy who loves the one on one encounter with god and people. camp is hard on some levels because i like spending more than a week engaged in any one particular individuals life. for some reason during high intense moments of emotion and desire for change i am rarely at the forefront of raising my voice in the mic or in someone's face in prayer. i don't think this is bad, i just for some strange reason don't get as intense as others. i hate it sometimes because it makes me feel as though i am not necessarily spiritually in tune.

nathan did an amazing job this week and i must give him props for his burden that he was able to release in such a way as to make it reachable for young people to grab a hold of. he has blown me away. i think that if there was a mvp award, from a human perspective, nathan gets it because he was such a strong leader and able to impart so much. camp reveals to me so much about what kind of person i desire to be and what god is actually showing me to be. through and through the relationships that are built during this short time span are some that i will remember forever. i am tired however, from the long week, and will post more revelations later.

with a floating noodle under my butt

i've realized the greatest entities of life are in fact the family's members and when the family is able to operate and function as a unit is supposed to function. the question then becomes, what does a functional family look like? i believe it can take many forms...the healthy family that is, but the definition solely rests on the uniqueness of each individual inside that family. just like the marriage between 2. you should not allow others to determine the intricate details of your marriage because you then don't have a marriage of unique characters and personalities but of another's uniqueness.

i gained a clearer glimpse of this concept this last weekend. as the annual celebration of our nations birth approached i realized, unlike years previous, that i was out of the loop as to what people were doing to commemorate. i knew my dad had been out of town and he was starving for family time. i knew that my sister had just been married and i really haven't been around to talk with them as much. i knew that i see my friends a lot anyway and spend time with friends on a regular basis. of course, my parents will jump at any opportunity to see peanut...even now as my mom, on her day off, calls us to see if we can drop him off over at her house to watch him. all this put together means that liz and i will be spending the evening over at my parents. i had to work until 4pm. that whole time in my working mode i was fixed on eating the salmon i had bought for the occasion, eating the homemade ice cream my mother was fixing, sharing conversation with my dad and new brother, and swimming with my son in a pool that was a perfect 87 degrees. while in the pool, with a floating noodle underneath my butt, keeping me afloat, i conceded to that fact that this was truly a great time to be alive. i was proud to have a family that, for the most part, was functional my whole life and a place that i could retreat for peace of mind. this was the definition i found in my family, a middle ground for sanity; a safe haven for clarity of thought, and a place that reason and rationality would be brought back to reality. in that moment i felt how good god was, i could only describe the feeling as one might feel after a burdensome week was over and the next part of the journey was a steady down hill decline.

i have found myself being someone that i don't desire to be at this particular stage in my life, critical, depressed, unproductive, lacking motivation, and in some moments without vision. although i cannot vow to be someone else. i find that my life is and cannot be defined by this last year and a half of unwanted surprises and disappointments. i am striving and striving to prove something to somebody...i don't know who or what but it won't rest. and yet everything i experience is not as good as it could be. this weekend was the most fulfilling i have had in a long time and i am so grateful i didn't pass it up.