and now you know...and knowing is half the battle

communication is full time

2012-01-25T08:33:00.005+01:00

this years is going to be different...i can feel it.

but i know that it doesn't come spoon-fed to me in a pretty bow. i also know that i am not called to live in poverty (even though belgium provides her hurdles to my low income). so my prayers are with a balance in mind. my thoughts are with the knowledge that god already knows my needs but wants to hear me ask him for them.

prayer is asking him because i know he has it within his capability. in other words, he can.

but it's more than that.

it is asking him because i know he has it but also resting in the assurance that not only can he but that he will.

still mo-rocked

2012-01-24T18:46:00.013+01:00

morocco you mo-rocked my mind

2012-01-23T11:07:00.009+01:00

everything you thought you knew about morocco is probably outdated. the land seems to strike fear in some individuals. i am not going to lie to you, when i was invited to do this seminar and training of worshipers and musicians i was thinking...

wait, what? morocco? don't they feed christians to the lions?

upon the landing it was quite clear that this perspective could not be farther from the truth. there is a great respect for imams in the land. so when you confess to be a missionary they are taken to that term as you might think of a stranger coming into your home and telling you they are going to raise your children. a lot comes with that very terminology, "missionary," which will be discussed later. however, if you confess to being a pastor or teacher of the word, it seems, they hold a high respect for individuals of a similar fashion to their beloved imams. teachers of hoy texts, worshipers of "sacred deities" and things of this nature. this sounds weird, even as i type it, but the mentality is completely different. no matter how many malls they build with massive aquariums and no matter how many wonderful "american" restaurants they invite to build revenue and try to be western they will always have the mentality that they have in common with their islamic brethren from around the world.

yet still, they are very tolerant to internationals. they hate american foreign policy but don't marginalize americans with what washington dictates to the rest of the world. and i echo the evangelical population of morocco with a hearty amen! the king of morocco, mohammed vi, has a very strong resemblance to what we find in the pharaohs of ancient egypt. it literally is allah, mohammed the prophet and then mohammad vi according to the people of morocco. in reality islam is a smoke screen.

the "underground church" is a cool name that people put towards what really is going on in morocco which is the gospel working through the liberal tolerance that is islam. don't for one second think that god is not at work even in the most wicked of any regime. conversely, don't think you are safe just because you are in a dominantly tolerant society to preach openly in public. the simple message for us is to let christ be the light and the conflict that comes when you are faced with the conviction of your sin. you can be a christian and flourish in morocco. quite honestly they need more laborers as the church is growing faster than the pastors can keep up. one pastor will usually be over several congregations not because he wants to but because the church is growing.

i was tempted to entertain the thought of being apart of this movement for a longer term.

c'est pas grave, right?

2012-01-17T09:26:00.006+01:00

ok, i wasn't in any serious danger but my creative personality that was desiring to shine forth last night was murdered...by the sncb rail system.

rarely does my beautiful, wonderful, and intelligent wife come home from work early. so when i heard the keys to the front door rattling and opening the door i was shocked and filled with joy. her coming home presents opportunities for me to do things i cannot do with kids around. if you are a parent with the ability to not care about what your kids are doing for 30 min to an hour at a time or interact with them only when something wrong happens then you have no idea what i am talking about. liz' presence gives me another set of eyes, yes, but it also gives me another set of arms to interact, ears to listen, feet to take them to the store, and a mouth to talk to them when they want to talk. usually my patience has run its course by the time she comes home...but that isn't what this blog is about.

she came home and i was thrilled with the amount of time i had to do whatever i wanted (she is gracious to give me freedom). i have recently made trips via the train to central station in downtown brussels by myself. there is a starbucks there, they offer wifi and i am able to people watch while thinking and strategizing about 9th hour projects and more. it really is my thinking spot. last night was that opportunity. except this time i was going to go over my notes for a worship seminar that i will be teaching this weekend in morocco (my first trip to the arabic world).

being in waterloo you will notice that the trains are good about getting you where you need to go but they are not as frequent or direct as they are from other bigger train stations going to brussels. so liz got home at 5 and the next train was at 5:57 to brussels. i rode my bike to the station and waited patiently for the train. :57 came and followed with an announcement that the train will be 14 minutes late. c'est pas grave, i can wait. the next train downtown was at 6:24, so surely it will leave before that one. well, the 14 minute delay came and went. what then proceeded to happen was, due to the fact that the delay ultimately was so close to the next train they (sncb) decided to just roll the two together. ok, fine, again, c'est pas grave, i can handle it. well, :24 came and went. around 6:30 the train shows up and i board a full train, not standing room only, but i had to share a bench with people kind of crowded, which in waterloo train language equals full.

yea!!! on the train, finally! well after about a 5 minute wait i begin to realize we are either waiting for a herd of cows to move or something. then the infamous, "attention, mesdames et messieurs..." which in english means something terrible will now proceed out of my mouth. the announcer says something about technical issues and please go to platform 1. everyone on the train, like a flock of sheep after the gate has been swung open, began walking disconcerted to platform 1. we waited...we waited longer, and then finally were told that a train will be arriving shortly on platform 2 (the platform we were just on) so we all walk back to the other side. IT CAME, HORRAY!!! we board and start our journey nearly an hour later then when i had arrived at the station. 2 stops into our trek to central the train stops moving in between scheduled stops. we wait, and wait some more. the announcer comes on and says there are some issues needing to be fixed.

at this point the time is 7:30 and it seems my productive evening has turned into a belgian nightmare. i can't understand french completely so my frustration can only match the expressions on peoples faces after they hear the news of what seems to be another train issue. they decided to send another train for us to board directly. we accomplish getting all passengers on board and our journey continues. i do finally arrive at central...at 9:25. TOTAL FAIL. the next train leaving central for home leaves at 9:42 and the next one after that doesn't leave until an hour later. so i got a gross hotdog, because i was hungry, and a coke and waited to board the train praying to god i would not encounter ANY. MORE. DELAYS.

i got NOTHING done and oh yeah it is freezing outside! (wtbb)

i still say, thank god for public transportation. it still is pretty cool.

cold reflections

2012-01-16T09:02:00.004+01:00

just so you know today is cold. it is so cold i don't even want to look at the temperature because it won't do justice to what kind of cold it really is.

taking dutch to school this morning with the trailer was brutal. that wind against my face made my petitions to the lord to provide a car much much louder.

today will be a great day to work inside. i am prepping for a worship seminar in morocco that al and i will be teaching. we leave wednesday. this is my first trip to the arab world, i am very excited.

standing in prayer

2012-01-14T11:01:00.005+01:00

we (9th hr) received an invitation to attend a prayer rally in liége belgium. nathan and i had been there before to give some exhortations and prophetic words so i kind of had an expectation as to what we might expect. but the other guys...i wondered what they might be thinking this would turn out to be.

anytime i am invited to a prayer rally my mind begins at that moment to wonder what kind of individual this is inviting me. if i have not known the person very long i may deduce that this person is either desperate for anyone to attend the rally, or they generally don't care who shows up because i mean hey, its a prayer rally! who cares if your a catholic, baptist, methodist, lutheran, or even muslim. maybe this person is just a gatherer and knows that there is power in numbers. whatever the case, at times, i am taken back by someone i barely know asking me to come to their prayer rally. like a party, i wouldn't invite just anyone. i would invite people who i think care about me or that particular individual the party might be for. that is just me though.

one of the biggest causes for this thought is that awkward setting at a prayer rally when no one actually is engaged in prayer. like if i had a ticket to see the rangers in their world series run and i am just sitting there in my chair not doing anything to show i am into the rangers and their opportunity. i want to just make a note here and say that this did NOT happen last night but has been something i feel for any prayer setting. i really dislike "warm body" prayer meetings.

there is always a challenge in me when i go to prayer meetings that haven't had a designated focus and there is quiet somber atmosphere. i begin to think to myself, "what if i shouted out something, would that freak anyone out?" or, "what if i started to jump around people, would that distract anyone?" ahhhhh, just thinking about it makes my blood start to rush! i always, i repeat ALWAYS feel that challenge. i know i am a take the spotlight, center stage, class clown kind of guy so most of the time i know it is for the sake of getting attention that i would do this. but, i promise, as soon as i find a great way to connect this absurd sequence of events with a sleeping generation or a heart that needs to be awakened type of exhortation i will do it. there are individuals who have a calling for intercession and a life devoted to a "praying without ceasing" mentality. don't hear that as one who does nothing but pray. that is stupid to think that the spirit would draw us to pray and not prophecy, or pray and not sow seeds of the gospel (even the seed of intercession) unto others.

i am ok with admitting that i struggle with prayer rallies unless i am doing something to occupy my time (like playing music, or the watch leader). so when i preach that prayer meetings are sometimes boring, i am mostly challenging myself. i know it is the lord when i go into a prayer meeting and i feel stirred to stir myself.

where am i

2011-12-29T12:54:00.010+01:00

high school is the big time, and one reason for this is because you have a locker that is like your personal apartment...obviously much, much, much smaller. i can recall on many occasions going on a break from school for christmas or spring break and many of these breaks where full of doing so much of nothing. upon my return from break there was always a reality check once i visited my locker and had to pause as to remember the combination, or even the routine of classes and their appropriate period. in retrospect i see this as a good measure of the level fun i had from the break of a strict routine. not that i had a break from routine to no routine but that i was able to switch the routine up.

this last trip to the states was much like that...

my family was able to go to dallas for a few days to visit my parents and then we ventured off to southern california to visit liz' family. while in california we went to the popular sites: disneyland, sea world, and the san diego zoo. this was such a great trip and it was very refreshing. my sister-in-law lives in dana point, which is about a 45-50 minute drive north of san diego. it was full of walks for me as she lives within walking distance to the ocean. i was able to go sit for hours seaside amongst the waves crashing against the rocks. one of the most enjoyable places for me to be is on the rocks and watching the waves crash against them. i can imagine how incredibly boring this may seem to others. i have contemplated the simplicity of this oceanic entertainment before and every time i walk away in awe of god's glorious ideas in addition to how incredibly simplistic my view of god really is. the moments are etched into my mind and are as sure as the waters cover this earth; i will never forget them.

upon my return here in belgium i experienced this very similar reality that had occurred upon return from a long break back to school. my mind raced as i scrambled to think about what i was to tell the officer at customs. as i got my luggage and began walking out of the terminal i was hurriedly trying to remember what greetings to use. i had to take the train back home and i, for the life of me, could not remember what the train process was like. even when i was on the train headed back home i completely blanked out as to the order of stops from brussels central to waterloo. i stood there looking at every stop as to make sure i didn't miss my stop. walking into my apartment i had forgotten how small it was and the fact that i cannot go down to the store and ask for something in my native tongue. isn't this weird?!?! my mind. went. blank.

all of this, i can only attribute to the amazing time i had. i truly forgot a few times that i even lived in belgium. the only regret i have is the limited amount of time to enjoy with close friends. there were many necks that didn't get hugs and hands that didn't get a high five. nevertheless the brilliance of these particular relationships is that the next time i am around them we will be enjoying each others company as though not a single second has gone by without hanging around them.

she has only just begun

2011-11-29T18:00:00.000+01:00

yesterday was a historic day; it will never happen again.

an individual who cares not for attention nor does this person require credit for accomplishments

an individual who has influenced thousands

an individual who has selflessly given, even more than what was able to give

an individual who has shown me a heart of compassion more than anyone on the face of this earth

an individual who has blessed me in unimaginable ways

an individual who could soften the hardest heart even without a word spoken

an individual who has pardoned me and others when the consequence under the law was justice

an individual who is so attuned to the holy spirit i personally have no where to hide

an individual who's love is greater than the distance that separates her from her grandkids

an individual who would shoulder me around the world

an individual who gave me my first job

an individual who makes the best t.v. trash in the world (spicy and without nuts)

an individual who will make me anything i want

an individual who has been praying for me since before i was born...and the prayers are being answered even today

an individual who will pray for you whenever you want

an individual who open up a room for you to stay if you need one

an individual who would cook you a meal or get you a cup of coffee or both even at the same time

an individual who doesn't need a pulpit to preach the good news of the lord even though one could be filled if needed sunday through saturday

an individual who has so much fruit of the spirit that she has to store some of the preserves in a jar for her toast in the mornings

an individual who has pool cleaning ability second to none

an individual who can eat cereal and sandwiches the rest of her life if it means someone else can have steak and lobster

an individual who has a voice that would make michael buble cry

an individual who the most interesting man in the world only wished was his mother

this individual is the youngest 50 yr old you will ever meet and it was her birthday yesterday. if you happen to miss it don't worry, she is so forgiving that she will consider your birthday wish today as an early one for next year. thus, canceling out the forgetfulness due to the early wish.

she is my mom and the world is a better place because of her. mother teresa doesn't even hold a flame to her. she is so great that she would willingly be your mom too. all you need is to ask.

mom i love you...but i am betting because of your amazing discretion you knew that already.

calling all single guys

2011-11-22T17:30:00.003+01:00

i remember working in the nursery when i was a teen. it changed my life and brought deeper awareness to my desire to be involved with kids as a counselor now. i love children. when my mother was a kindergarten teacher i had a wonderful time going in there periodically and hanging out with them. usually it involved laughing at their jokes and making noises with them that we all would laugh at.

when i was a teenager my mom was in charge of the nursery's on sunday mornings which meant i was able to go into the nursery and be involved with kids that were really young (3 or 4). i remember what great times i had. here is a blog post by mark driscoll who shares his experience with kids.

As a new Christian and college freshman, my first ministry was taking care of a bunch of young kids during a daytime women’s Bible study. It was the best. The kids were super fun, and on any given week I had anywhere from maybe 10 to 20 kids under the age of five for a few hours without any help. Those hours included crackers, juice, Bible stories, wrestling for the boys, and tea parties for the girls. The moms were surprised that a 19-year-old single guy would volunteer for the nursery, but I’m glad I did. And I’d encourage the same for other single men. In fact, I have nine reasons why single men should work in the church nursery.

you can read the 9 reasons here.

slavery and the gospel

2011-11-22T10:34:00.004+01:00

often times amongst the commentary sections of articles i read online i find heated debates taking place. mostly there are point of views/perspectives between two individuals who are both trying to argue their point of view via the world wide web. this is stupid, but not the point of this particular entry.

many of the arguments will resort to something that seems condoned in the bible. this is usually ammunition by the one who does not know god nor do they have a desire to seek his truth and righteousness. still this is not an excuse for the nitwit who vehemently defends his conviction to the point of crossing the line into sin.

one of many topics is that of slavery. john starke of the gospel coalition has this to say:

-In Paul's day, some 80 percent to 90 percent of the inhabitants of Rome were slaves.

-Slavery was not raced based.

-Some slaves were prisoners of war. Many others were men and women who sold themselves into slavery in order to relieve a burdensome debt.

-Slaves had certain rights under Roman law and could normally be expected to be released after seven years or by age 30.

None of this background should imply that slavery was desirable. This was still a corrupt system. Paul elsewhere instructs Christians to gain their freedom if possible (1 Cor. 7:21). And in 1 Timothy 1:10, he condemns slave-traders. Also, many Bible readers miss the implications of Paul addressing both slaves and their masters in his letters to the Ephesians and Colossians. He expects them to fellowship together in the same church as brothers and sisters in Christ. They sing together, eat together, bear each other's burdens, and, as history will tell us, suffer together when Roman persecutes Christians.

you can read the rest here

a proven rhythm

2011-11-21T17:07:00.001+01:00

the lord is just and true. "at the end of the day" i must always ask myself...is my eye envious because he is generous. the lord too loves righteousness and hates wickedness and these are ingredients for a wonderful oil of joy to flow.

joy, which is ultimately what i am looking for, will increase with a devoted love to righteous living and the complete hatred of wickedness (note: this is applied to myself). i need a reminder of this proven rhythm time and time again. an envious eye produces nothing worthy of the glorious lord that came to free me of its stronghold.

jealousy

bitterness

discouragement

disunity

these are none of what the spirit offers, nor are they the definition of true love. rather, these are all fruits of an envious eye with a belief that things are unfair (consequently, envy will not foster faith and hope; doubt and unbelief are inevitable).

children as the same image

2011-11-21T16:16:00.003+01:00

i love finding things out on how to raise my children more biblically. some things i feel good about because, of course, my conviction lines up with a certain perspective and other times i find myself re-analyzing something because i realize i should parent differently. here is a great post by mark lauterbach.

Parents, including myself, tend to miss part of the lens. We lean toward certain perspectives. We often view all problems with our kids in light of sin. We are tempted to miss redemption, and to view all solutions to sin in terms of morality and moral pressure (as in, “How many times do I have to tell you to clean up your room?”).

you can read the rest here.

oh nostalgia you slay me

2011-11-08T20:53:00.003+01:00

just got hit with a dart from mr nostalgia...

I MISS MY FRIENDS IN TEXAS TREMENDOUSLY RIGHT NOW

...that is all

fearing the divine and being naturally fearless

2011-11-07T16:30:00.009+01:00

today i had a brilliant prayer time at the cpr (commission prayer room). i have to admit however, being the caretaker of the kids, at this current time in my life, i was not so excited about transporting a toddler around brussels. partly because he is the kind of kid who NEEDS a nap EVERY day (i know i am the only parent who has a kid like that). this new venture downtown was not something that would guarantee sanity, at least i knew i would be going insane around 4pm due to a cranky child. i also am doing life without a vehicle and even though i am, most of the time, mentally prepared to handle the inconvenience i would like to remind you that i am still a "merican." there is that little voice that continues to remind me that if i lived in the states i would be an idiot if i didn't own a car. so naturally i entertain the thought that a car is absolutely essential to living. thankfully i find out every day that it is not...but that is only by the grace of god.

titus slept nearly an hour at the cpr and that seemed, up to this point, to be sufficient. we will see around an hour from now. the commitment i have made is participating in the activities 2 times a week (mondays and thursdays). i can do this, i can do this, i can do this.

back to the point...today at the cpr was very rewarding. when i woke this morning to be with the lord i read through the moments that saul had heard the voice of jesus and received his spiritual awakening. i re-read the moments ananias was charged with laying hands on saul for him to receive his eye sight again. i am certain, as i thought about it, saul's reputation preceded him greatly. saul was pursuing those who began walking after the way. he was violently opposed to this movement, which by the way, was gaining momentum due to the holy spirit and the power god was releasing in the manifestation of miracles.

so imagine, people are becoming excited; enjoying peace with each other, being built up; going on in the fear of the lord (this bit is huge) and in the comfort of the holy spirit, continuing to increase (acts 9:31). the news of saul coming to damascus would not necessarily generate a sense of rejoicing in one accord. further more, ananias was god's instrument to lay hands on the very individual who ruthlessly opposed this movement. ananias, as human as any one of us, felt great discomfort at the request of the lord. but understand this one mindset of ananias...he feared the lord more than he feared saul. i don't know how long he wrestled with this request, all we are given is that saul was blind for 3 days. ananias was not overcome by the natural authority saul had, he did not fear what could have happened. instead, he feared the lord. now get this...the fear of the lord actually gave him the courage to do what god wanted him to do. this is a profoundly different type of fear here.

it is recorded in psalm 25:14 that "the secret of the lord is for those who fear him, and he (god) will make them know his covenant." again, in psalm 31:19 "how great is thy goodness, which thou hast stored up for those who fear thee." i have no doubt in my mind a faithful and god fearing reader/doer of the word, as ananias, echoed david's sentiment in the later verse of 24 in chapter 31, "be strong, and let your heart take courage, ALL you who hope in the lord."

what a refreshment, what a testimony, what a bold truth for all who genuinely rest their hope in the lord. those who do are able, with authority, to tell their hearts to take courage. i hold to the conviction that the fear of the lord is truly the beginning of wisdom.

je veux te voire dans ma vie

2011-11-03T10:24:00.015+01:00

explanation, give it to me!!! i wish i could. every year i attend the cj i return home stirred, provoked, and inspired to plow a little deeper, dig a little harder, and sow the seed a little farther. this year is not any different.

in reality the cj is where it began for most of the team. this was our 3rd in attendance in just 4 years as a 9th hour squadron and our sphere of influence is growing only by the grace of the lord. confirming what he is saying to us, as a team, he is also demonstrating in events such as these. spontaneous songs, healings, awakened hearts and most importantly transformation into a submitted life unto his calling are all what you would have found here if you had attended.

this year we were able to have more of a direction in the look of the stage. i think this years stage design was one of the best this conference has seen. you can see in some of the photos from our facebook page that we really made an effort in giving the stage a look that would draw attention to whoever was leading worship or whoever was just on the stage.

upon leading worship we were able to lead the group in a few of the french songs that we wrote and there was a great response to these songs. allyster did a tremendous job leading the congregation in french along with laetitia. after one of our worship sets there arose a spontaneous song from the youth. you can see what it was like here:

here is a different video that allyster had filmed while on stage. we, as a band, stopped playing because the expression from the young people was so overwhelmingly marvelous that we just let them express their hearts as you can see they did in the video.

it is really starting to feel ground breaking for me personally. i have been able to witness things that seem to have made an impact. now it is starting to gain momentum and be very consistent. i truly see the lord moving amongst these people in marvelous ways.

we would not suffer defeat

2011-10-02T10:28:00.020+02:00

being in europe my thoughts gravitate towards the history of this land. one of the most significant events that took place across this landscape was world war 2. fortunately i am allowed a distance and allowed only to read, study, and imagine what took place. i can only come as close as the internet will allow me to the atrocities and fear that gripped the people who were under the nazi regime.

when we look closer at the battles and movement we are made aware, in hindsight, as to what specific key decisions ultimately determined the demise of hitlers german force. not conquering britian; failing to defend the invasion at normandy; germany's allies, japan, invading pearl harbor thus inviting the united states into the war; the demise of panzer group 4, which could not advance any further into soviet territory. as described by general erich hoepner...

we have reached our upmost limit, with physical and mental exhaustion, unbearable shortage of personnel, and lack of winter clothing.

later stating...

my 22 divisions face 43 russian divisions, none of my divisions is capable of attack or of defending against a stronger force. all my positions are endangered. no fuel, no food for the horses, the soldiers fall asleep standing, everything is frozen, the soil is frozen a meter deep, which makes digging impossible.

this was arguably the beginning of the end. it was 3 and a half years later that hitler's forces were finally defeated. it reminds me of the proverb for want of a nail:

for want of a nail a shoe was lost

for want of a shoe the horse was lost

for want of a horse the rider was lost

for want of a rider the battle was lost

for want of a battle the kingdom was lost

all for the want of a horseshoe nail

our reality dictates that there are 2 forces at play. 2 forces that are supernatural and in many circumstances dip into our natural world.

ninth hour hosted a team earlier this month from our home church of shady grove that served in the prophetic. while we (ninth hour) engage in warfare we many times feel the pressures of a resistant force that at anytime (if not balanced with a divine supernatural perspective) we could lose our ground to our dark adversary. the prophetic team went through our areas of influence and victoriously proved to point to a unlimited god with unlimited resources of love, encouragement, and goodness to the people of europe. ministering to young, ministering to old, ministering to the lost and ministering to the beloved in christ they departed leaving with us an ever more confidence in the god we serve.

god is without limit, god is abundant in resources and everlasting in refreshment. psalm 16:11 says that he will make known to us the path of life; in his presence is fullness of joy; in his right hand there are pleasures forever. the ninth hour team is forever grateful for the team that came and served in the prophetic. although we reside here in belgium, we are allied with many across the world with a united vision to see people awakened to the heart of the father towards his people.

even momma anita would not falter to the unfriendly landscape that tried to keep her in the car or in a seat.

none of the cream and all of the blueberries

2011-09-16T15:41:00.006+02:00

many times in my fathering life i encounter the uninhibited 3 year old's true feelings. at least it is only for one year ; ). it reminds me of the word of god.

this school year dutch, titus, and myself usually trek out of the house about 10 minutes til 8am. the season is now upon us where the days are short and the weather is colder (however, i am not about to start making weather complaints seeing as my main audience resides in the volcanic belly that is dallas texas). if there is one thing dutch does not care about when he is faced with a "must do" from his mother or me it is the amount of sugar coating we put on to play it up as "not that bad." it is getting much harder to get dutch out of the house to go to school. we have nearly a 1.75 mile walk each way to his school. in the mornings when the temperature is in the low 50's and the wind is blowing one of the worst things you could do is convince dutch that he should go outside. he will not shy away from telling you that it is too cold and that this was a bad idea. his celerity is not brimming with a confident swagger that my blood runs thick with upon a walk. this, in turn, transforms what should be a meager 20 minute walk (one-way) into a 30 minute campaign. my wife is a pro at cheering him on and convincing him of getting things done despite his desire to do otherwise. my attempt however, could be compared to an average 5 year olds attempt at beating bowser on level 8 of super mario bros. it just won't happen. so like dutch, i give up as well. so what do ya do?

so the revelation hit me at how i have been accustomed to making god's word into something that it is not intended to be. like my wife with dutch i can excel at putting lipstick on a pig and thinking, "mmmm, thats not so bad." the moment i try and make something say what i want it to say is the moment reality (the holy spirit) back hands me into coherency and i praise god for that. to be like my son?!?!? not being side tracked with the whistles and bells of not only a pure and righteous pursuit of god but to represent him in the same mode. to see through the "feel good" persuasion of a prosperity driven money getting gospel. don't sugar coat it for me, give it to me straight, this is going to be hard, this is going to cost me, this is going to take my whole life but, BUT, this will all be worth it! that is how i like to hear the word. i need to teach it that way.

dutch will not back down if he does not want to do it. he will let you know too. i cannot play it up and trick him into belief that this will be enjoyable and all his wildest dreams will come true (which for him would be to get hiro from the thomas the tank engine movies). dutch's 1st birthday cake was blueberries piled high covered in a home made whipped cream and he wore his disdain for that topping on his face loud and clear...he was having none of the cream and all of the blueberries.

god save the queen

2011-09-08T09:03:00.006+02:00

i have this thing in which i want to be mr documentary. so before trips i tell myself that i am going to document and film and be descriptive so that people will know what it was like through my amazing footage. well...sadly i take to it about so long into the trip and usually forget that i had such a passion before hand. i only regret it later when i want to tell my audience of 20+ that we really did do more than this, i just, was a little forgetful.

we went to a leadership summit in chertsey england which is nearly in london. if london was a clock and the m25 (the motorway that goes all the way around) is the clockbase, then chertsey will fall on 8. we drove from little 'ole waterloo. you will see in the video that we boarded a train in the car and went under the channel. i have never done this before so it felt really really cool, er, wicked as they would say in england. "thas wicked mate!" and yes it would sound like they are saying "thas" not "thats."

among many things that go on in england driving on the wrong side of the road is not the worst thing. the first night due to our urgency of time to make the first session we scarfed down our fish n chips. the sea was rough that night my friends but fortunately jon vandeput was the only one who did not make it out of the loo alive (which oddly enough is a slang derivative of the town waterloo in the london area). the portions were hefty and the price was steep. it was great to be in a place where i did not need a translator...well, except for when those aussie's started their jive ; )

it was good to hear the key speakers bruce monk and glyn barrett. you should find them in their respected area via the internet and see all that they do. i know glyn has a major ministry in manchester and has many youtube videos for his church.

here are some videos i took of my excitement on the way across...

can't you see, you belong to me

2011-08-29T04:38:00.006+02:00

it's hard to not be so sad when you leave those individuals with whom you have shared so many memories. my family and i had the amazing opportunity to return to the states and connect and reconnect with loved ones this past week and a half. my reflection on such relationships continues to press on my mind.

what would i do without these individuals?

as i sit here at 4 in the morning, suffering from jetlag just finishing a bowl of oatmeal (the only food in the pantry) and sipping on amazing nespresso coffee, i can't help but sing the police over and over again in my mind...every breath you take, yeah, i'll be watching you. nostalgia and technology make it impossible to forget the memories that keep the conversations entertaining and absolutely boundless on forging new ones.

this time was not any different in my joy upon returning and embracing my parents and friends. so many of you who are the reason i am what i am today. i constantly feel the debt and it is a good debt, if dave ramsey would allow me to describe it as such using those terms.

this time, when i prepared to return to belgium, i realized how much easier it is now becoming. my greatest hope was the bond between my two sons and my parents would grow stronger. i was praying that they would not have skipped a beat. and as good as god is today i tell you it was as if they had never been separated. my sons and my parents picked it right up where they left it on november 23rd 2010. and witnessing this, the reconnection of grandparents and grandsons made the trip back here to waterloo, belgium much, much easier.

as an individual who strongly desires the family unit to operate functionally, as a divine unit, as a kingdom of heaven unit, this brings me peace.

please, please make these kinds of relationships. the kind of relationships that you could be physically separated for months and months and upon seeing each other again it would be as if you had never even noticed the gap. just as you go to sleep and the hours that pass in darkness are only but a restful nights sleep away from the morning sun that will rise just as it has done from the beginning of your existence.

what say you?

2011-08-08T16:07:00.002+02:00

i absolutely love this:

how do you account for jesus?

how is this concert and antiquity to be explained? did some unknown creative genius take an ordinary man, jesus, and invent his deeds of power and his words of love and authority and authenticity, then present this invented jesus to a church with such deceptive power that many people were willing from the outset to die for this fictional christ? further, must we believe that all the gospel writers swallowed the invention-and in the space of several decades while many who knew the real jesus were still living? is that a more reasonable or well-founded guess than the plain assertion that a real man, jesus christ, did in fact say and do the sorts of things the biblical witnesses said he did?

you must decide for yourself. to my mind, an unknown inventor of this jesus is more incredible than the possibility of jesus' reality. so for me the question becomes: "how do we account for a man who leaves a legacy like this?

i cannot morally reckon him among the poor deluded souls who suffer from pathological delusions of grandeur. nor can i reckon him among the great con men of history, a deceiver who planned and orchestrated a worldwide movement of mission on the basis of a hoax. instead, i am constrained to acknowledge his truth. both my mind and my heart find themselves drawn to yield allegiance to this man. he has won my confidence.

j. piper

-desiring god

short foolishness with no room for cream

2011-07-15T15:32:00.006+02:00

there is a new starbucks in belgium. it is located in the central train station in downtown brussels. i have taken the boys on the train to meet up with liz on her way home from work a few times. it is good for the boys and for us to venture into our american embassy. the last time we did this i went into the cafe area to get our drinks while liz stayed on the outer part of the store. there is ALWAYS a line. this one wasn't too bad but as i was standing there waiting i noticed a tall, nicely dressed man standing to my right and i was getting the impression he was trying to cut. in my mind i was thinking, "who does this guy think he is?" i certainly was not dressed to impress and that fear of trying to be intimidated by a "business" man was creeping in my head. he sensed the tension and proceeded to tell me that he was in line before but had forgotten what his friend had wanted and so he tried to quickly return to his spot.

yeah, i wasn't born yesterday, get the heck outta here into the back of the line!!!

no, i didn't say that, i wanted to but then a sudden rush came over me..."buy his and his friends coffee." wait, what? again i felt it, "buy their drinks." i then asked the guy what his friend wanted and he told me. i said to him "well, let me buy your friends drink and yours." he bursted out in laughter, and when i say bursted that is an understatement. IT. WAS. LOUD. i thought for split second to decline the offer simply based on this obnoxious, loud laugh but i couldn't. i told him i was serious and i wanted to bless him and his friend. he said ok.

he then asked me where i was from and where i was going. i told him i lived in belgium and moved here to be a missionary. he said, "oh really." i said i wanted to train young people in the word of god. he said, "which god?" i said, "the god the bible talks about." he casually said, "ah, but they are different." i told him we could talk more when we were able to sit and enjoy our coffee.

he confessed to wanting to be a missionary when he was a kid and i responded by telling him i wanted to be a navy seal. as it turned out he was a lawyer and his friend was a mathematician. so here i was going to try and reveal the truth of jesus to two guys who would love to debate faith and justice. we didn't ever really debate but we did talk about faith and god. i told him my only intent in buying their drinks was because i wanted to show them an act of generosity in the name of jesus christ (i speculate that being a lawyer he didn't need my charity for the sake of cultural enjoyment). a seed was sown, and i felt at peace in my spirit as to where i left it.

i realize his fault, as mine on many occasion which is not the pursuit of knowledge, but the love of knowledge over everything else. sometimes i catch myself loving knowledge and even in the moments when i need to be reading scripture as the food for my soul i will venture off sometimes i start to think how great a teaching "this" could be, or "that." all in all, at the end of the day i am only as smart as the next guy who walks in the room; my knowledge is very, very, very, limited. it is hard to admit this but someone will always be more educated. that is the struggle for so many; pursuing knowledge until they literally kill themselves. i will leave you with this...for those who love knowledge so much.

1 corinthians 1:27 - ...god has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise...

i just hope i was foolish enough for jesus to shame every ounce of wisdom those men thought they had.

hb ab

2011-07-10T13:29:00.012+02:00

when i think of austin benjamin i think of a room full of delight. now imagine this room had a door. most people dare not even enter that door to the room of delight i am talking about, which reminds me of austin.

let me, as best as i can, describe what i have seen and experienced inside this room of delight which reminds me of austin...

1. those who have not seen borat...don't waste your time. now there is a character in borat who is dared to do something and this characters reaction is basically: not only will i do that but i don't even care about the consequences or who knows that i did it. austin is like this guy, except, austin cares but he still will do anything and doesn't care what people think.

2. have you ever been anticipating a moment that you had planned on watching on tv? only thing is, you were needing to record it so that you could watch it at your earliest convenience because you couldn't watch it live. there are few who will deprive themselves of seeing said moment/program live in order to watch it with you. i am not for sure if austin would do this, but i think he would if i asked him to.

3. once when i was in this room of delight that reminds me of austin, i thought if i could hire an individual to drive me around anywhere i wanted, like a personal chauffeur, that might be awesome. it wouldn't, because sometimes i like to be alone in the car. i would feel bad paying a guy to stand and wait for my mood to change. austin is the kind of guy who will shut up and let you be alone with your thoughts. i know this because i was able to stand in a room that was a delight reminding me of austin, and at the same time i was able to think of myself. AMAZING!!! i know.

those are only a few things that can describe a good man like austin who is very very very similar to a room of delight which few dare even dream of entering. but honestly, i know he doesn't mind because he has a group of friends that are very close and even in that circle of those friends he sometimes has to ask some of them to move away to belgium (like me) because the closeness is getting to delightfully close.

iranians, jesus, and durums

2011-07-06T10:02:00.008+02:00

i remember when i gained an awareness concerning muslims around the world but predominately in the middle east. as for many, it was right after the 9/11 attacks. i can recall not a disdain that was represented in so many americans but rather, well, the only way i can describe it is that feeling jesus had when he looked out on the crowd and saw the people. the scripture says he felt compassion for they were like sheep without a shepherd. shortly after i got married i lived with liz near a small market place with a palestinian as an owner, in the cabochon apartment complex. maybe you are familiar with the u.s. population of muslims, i found that most gather together in or around a cafe or small market place, sit and enjoy coffee and cigarettes. it was here, as well as starbucks, that i gained genuine relationships with syrians, palestinians, lebanese, and egyptians. no matter the country, it seemed, if you spoke arabic you had a sense of camaraderie. i realize how many could be threatened by this, i too feel as though i don't belong in this circle, as an outsider. there many a times that these fine gentlemen would venture off into political talk, but i would always steer clear of this banter. it was like when the woman at the well wanted to talk about the proper place of worship with jesus, or the pharisees wanted jesus to answer about justice, he (jesus) knew better than to engage. i, however, could not be so spiritual and respond in such a way where these gentlemen would go running to their respected places of residence and beg their families to come running to see who this jesus was. nevertheless i have had this place of softness in my heart. it seems this softness has been reinforced time and time again by meek and meaningless individuals from that religion that have bolstered this tenderness for them. don't mistake what i am saying as a form of tolerance but rather a place of sincere desire to see them know jesus as their messiah and the great "i am" as their god.

i have found my durum spot. it is a place called chez laila's and is located in a smaller part of waterloo called joli bois. it is a short bus ride from my place and honestly could be ventured to by foot but the bus is being paid for monthly so i might as well use it. i have two other durum spots i could throw a rock and hit from my living room: one place called el grecco (greek), and another turkish durum shop called chez melissa's. but there is something unique about chez laila's i wish to reveal. the couple that owns this place is iranian and their testimony of how they came to know the lord is one of those testimonies that you read about in a book, or see in a movie. it is all centered on how they left iran by walking (that is right walking!) with caravans to belgium over 20 years ago. that isn't even the point of this blog.

i went in nearly 2 weeks ago and was getting a durum with my boys. they really enjoy the french fries. i like this place because of the owners, their faith in jesus, and they have these special peppers that are really hot they can put on my durum and do every time. at this particular moment i was getting my usual (durham poulet avec samourai sans veggies) and a couple came in to sit and eat. she was pregnant and they were from the middle east and began speaking arabic to chez laila as she was writing their order down. it wasn't too busy but they had a few people and were obviously rushing to get all orders out in a timely fashion.

while waiting on my food the lord quickened to me the good samaritan parable. i was reflecting over and over in my mind the last bit in particular of the samaritan who said to the owner, whatever else you use, i will pay for it later upon my return. i wonder if he knew the manager/owner of the place to which that kind of trust could be extended. anyways the lord spoke clearly to me, "buy their meal and leave enough for a cold coke for them to wash it down with." i seriously felt that in my spirit (the bit about the coke). as i paid for my meal which was a emporter i told chez laila, "you see that couple that came in and are waiting for their meal? i want to pay for it." she asked me if i knew them because it is very very very uncommon for that sort of thing to happen. i said, "no, how much is their entire meal...coke in all?" so i gave her all that would cover it. i even gave a bit more so they could get 2 cokes each if they wanted. i know i would want one for the durum and one for the road. then i just walked out. i didn't say a word to them about the whole thing...not even mentioning the name of jesus, isa, or whatever. but, BUT, it was completely done in his name (this bit is huge in charitable acts towards everyone).

last sunday as i was at the church i attend (where laila and her husband attend as well), she rushed up to me after the service and told me about what took place at the transaction. she said they had never, ever, ever had anything like that happen to them in their life. this couple said that this was so profound and massive that they begged her to find me and they begged laila to give them my mobile number. they wanted to speak to me concerning why i did this. they were so persistent that laila had the opportunity to share her testimony with them about coming to know jesus and they are now planning on attending the church to find out about the source of this generosity. PRAISE THE LORD!!! when laila shared this news with me my heart leapt for joy. i mean

leapt

now i could remind you of how you too should be open to moments when your words are meaningless and you should listen for times to pay for peoples stuff but i am going to trust that the holy spirit has and will already quicken your faith to do the same. i will however leave you with this...please, please, think about how you too would want 2 cokes. one for the durum, and one for the road.

his name is rickey

2011-06-19T20:43:00.006+02:00

i wish i had more than words to express to my dad right now how much he means to my world. i wish i had two grandkids of his to sit on the steps at 2209 vega st and eat raisins with him. i wish we could all jump in the pool...even if it was cold, and he could give them a piggy back ride around.

i think there are some things i see in life, even our life as a family, that he doesn't see. but i know i only can see it because of his amazing love and his heart that says, "i still love you and i always will no matter what." because of that i choose to love him, honor him today, and to serve him no matter the cost.

what a great picture he has been in my life of the relationship i am meant to have with god almighty. what a tremendous picture of restoration he is that portrays the gospel in its truest form. for that, i can only say thank you dad for not allowing death and destruction to be my portion. my life, my kids life, and my grandkids will reap the fruit of your perseverance and a heart that truly resembles god's heart.

with the cruelty of youth i allowed myself to be irritated by traits in my father which i have since regarded as lovable foibles

-c.s. lewis

where were you on june 6th 1980?

2011-06-06T09:15:00.006+02:00

today is a special day. one of the most important days of my life. it's not my birthday, it's not liz's birthday, it isn't the day we got married...but you are getting warmer. it isn't my sons birthday, nor is it the day i became a solid believer and chose to be an overcomer. this day in 1980 marks the wonderful and blessed union of 2 individuals who, literally, if they had not hooked up i wouldn't be here.

inspiring

hospitable

loving

amazing

determined

discerning

prophetic

godly

unashamed

law abiding

caring

compassionate

sound in the word

picture of servanthood

lives of abandonment

selfless

giving

full of wisdom

experienced

restoring

courageous

obedient

stirred and not shaken

submissive

full of faith

those are just a few things that describe this wonderful and spectacular couple.

mom and dad thank you so much for being in the 50% that choose to stick it out. thank you for being individuals who want to break previous generational curses by choosing to walk in the power and the anointing of the word of god. my marriage, my children's marriage, and their children's marriages will be better because of your foundation.

love you more than i express

who do you say that i am

2011-06-05T09:33:00.003+02:00

a young man approached me and said he wanted prayer. i prayed for him and at the end of, what i thought was this amazing prayer, he said, "i believe i have all that i just want to do it." i think he was waiting for someone to personally tell him to go do it. he believed he carried the revelation, he believed he knew the goal but what he lacked was the unction. i simply told him just to go do it.

after we talked for a bit he still seemed a little unsure of himself. so i invited him to come with me to pray over others. we walked around the room and as i laid hands on people, he too laid his hands on people. it was one of those moments i realized i had just made a disciple of jesus christ in a matter of minutes. he was praying over people with me and i just felt at peace that he was getting it and that his life would be turned upside down.

i only got his name. he had to leave while prayer continued because his ride was leaving. i hope i see him again. but i truly feel like something was deposited in his heart NOT by me praying for him but because he joined me in praying for others.

here is the conference that we had put together for pastors. it went from thursday through saturday morning. we held our monthly youth gatherings on the friday coinciding (usually it is on a saturday) with the conference. this is that night. 9th hour led worship, jahi evans gave a powerful message that provoked many to want the revelation of jesus as the fountain for their identities.

Watch live video from Comunidade Cristã em Bruxelas on Justin.tv

how the west thinks

2011-05-31T10:07:00.003+02:00

a church without the gospel is a church without power (rom 1:16). the last paragraph reveals the motive in the recent developments of the pc(usa) decision.

"Already, a number of congregations have voted to cut ties with the PC(USA) this year. Though the PC(USA) is the largest Presbyterian denomination in the country, membership has been on the decline for decades. The denomination has around 2.7 million members, which is half the size it was a generation ago."

we see that a decline in church attendance is scary for those who are in the church business. it is hard as a pastor or board of directors who's salaries may or may not depend on the success of the organization to easily make these decisions. i had suspected that the motive for the move to allow practicing homosexual men and women to be ordained in the church was in part due to the dwindling numbers when i first read this story.

i don't even believe this is about homosexuality. i believe this move reflects a heart condition of individuals who would rather be liked and relevant than stand up for the accuracy of scripture. it could be anything polygamy, an affair revealed from the pastor, the dissension of a group of men who feel they know better than leadership; all of which have roots in self idolatry and pride.

kids say the darnedest things

2011-05-21T09:41:00.007+02:00

dutch and titus have watched a certain show that is a spin-off of cars the disney pixar movie. it is called mater's tall tales. these 5-10 minute episodes are tow mater doing crazy things which lightning mcqueen does not believe really happened. they include:

1. being a monster truck wrestler

2. being a dare-devil

3. being an "autonaut"

4. being a heavy metal singer (featured here)

and a few others that make a jab at pop culture. these ALL are very well done. disney did not cut corners at all in my opinion. dutch and titus both have watched this movie several, several, SEVERAL times.

there is one episode, as i mentioned, that mater tells the tale of when he was a heavy metal singer. his band's name is heavy metal mater. the opening of each episode always starts the same, with tow mater (tomater) saying, "if i'm lying i'm cryin." in his heavy metal mater episode he says the saying but in a heavy metal vocalist style. watch the style...

we finally got titus on video imitating heavy metal mater.

romans the reason

2011-05-18T06:53:00.004+02:00

i don't want to claim to know the answers to everyone's problem...ok maybe a little part of me wants that but the cause of the issue i think is just as important as the answer. this morning i have continued my study on romans. i am on week 2 and i am not even out of the 1st chapter, sheesh.

1:25 is very clear that "they" exchanged, not god. it was not his desire for their to be an exchange. they meaning we, his creation, exchanged the truth for a lie. we exchanged for the real gospel, which carries power and authority, for a message of inaccuracy completely void of life. it may contain power but only the power which hails the dark spiritual tyranny as something to be worshipped. a powerless message can only produce a powerless church; it's a formula that fits even the most basic of any structure. a church without power is like a business without capital or income. it will spend more that it makes eventually causing it to entertain ideas of a merge with another firm who once was a competitor. if the merge goes through the competitor now becomes an ally and will have room for implementation. new vision, mission, and influence will now be adapted into the structure consequently creating a whole new business model, which will effect the market altogether.

at the sacrifice of originality and created order the church exchanges the truth of "the word" becoming and appearing to maintain relevancy. it, however, doesn't see the debased position it takes as it pushes itself away from power and authority. the need to fill pews is a weight of frustration.

it saddens me to see the division such issues can create within the bride of christ. if it is not accepted then there is a cultural division; if it is accepted there is a division amongst the church. may we feel the pressure and weight of our decisions; may the consequences of said actions be a foresight for discussion. please, let us talk about this together so that division may not ruin us.

so whats the big deal

2011-05-16T13:24:00.002+02:00

my last memories of 29 can be summed up best by the last few hours until the clock struck midnight. went out to downtown waterloo with my best friend allyster taubeneck then came to my apartment. we then enjoyed some wine, talked, and skyped with austin trying to arrange his flight to visit us here in beglium. those are the moments that i cherish. moments when nothing is on the agenda, but being together with great people. then i fell asleep to indiana jones and the temple of doom on my laptop.

there are landmark birthday's throughout one's life and i think, based on your culture, they are pretty consistent and yet still debatable.

year 1 - this marks the first year of your life and although you don't necessarily remember, it is significant for those who love you. as jerry seinfeld notes that your first birthday and your last one in old age are quite similar. "your not quite sure whats going on," "other people have to gather your friends for you," consequently you are thinking, "these are my friends?" nonetheless this birthday is big for mom's especially.

year 5/6 - depending on when you start kindergarten. this is a landmark year because, i feel, you are understanding the greatness of friendships and sleep-overs (even though they usually end in the parent coming to get you in the middle of the night) and the outdoors. you start school and have lunches where you begin to understand the value of this event. a lunchable is the greatest thing to bring to school besides a surprise visit from your parents who may have brought mcdonalds with them. also, at this age you know and can appreciate the value of birthday's so its fun to be recognized in front of your friends.

year 12/13 - the next is the years that usher you into middle school. it is a stretch from 5/6 to 12/13 but that amount of time is necessary to prepare you for the most dramatic moments in your life at this time. even then, most are NOT prepared. things start changing and faces become all weird looking and somewhere in the mix you can throw braces in there. hair in weird places, smells, zits, incontrollable voice influx, it is a wonder how this is the moment that teens begin to really like and become attracted to the opposite sex. but these are the years to take notice of relationships and most do take advantage of the moment.

year 16 - ah yes, sweet 16. the year of freedom, so to speak. most get their license and are able to drive, unless you are poor and you have to take the home school edition in which your dad makes you read EACH page twice before he signs off on it, oh and at age 17 no less. i really had no issues with getting around because most of my friends at this point were 1-3 years older than me so transportation was not my biggest problem. most start high school or have in the last year and are now learning what it means to be at the bottom of the pack again as "fish" in a sea of sharks. these years for me where the greatest years of my life and even though i would like to go back and change things i still would love to just go back and experience them again.

year 18 - graduation is in your presence. you get to move onto a schedule that YOU choose, but you must choose wisely. at this time you must register to vote (even though i think they should raise the age requirement) and you will most likely vote for whoever lady gaga tells you to vote for. at this age if your into naughty things you don't have to ask random strangers to buy smokes for you (similar to 21 and alcohol) at gas stations. starting college is big too and becoming more popular. don't be fooled by a school that seems to be more of a party school than others...if there are college kids, parties will happen. most still don't know exactly what they want to pursue at this point of entry. even still, some will change their career choice and start something that they did not even get a degree in.

year 21 - graduating university and starting to look at the rest of your life is what is kind of taught within our culture. although i believe this trend is changing. at this age you are able to get into places that shun away the teeny bopper (i.e. bars and night spots) which may be due to the fact that in the united states you are capable to purchase something called "alcohol" (and many do). responsibility is now your friend or arch nemesis. in the years previous you have noticed it gaining strength and maybe you have been able to withstand invasion the time is now rapidly approaching when you will NOT be able to escape its grip on your life. responsibility will choke you out if you don't surrender to it.

year 30 - hopefully you have settled down a bit by now and are ready to help someone else with their life responsibilities. if not there is still time. most are finding out their passions and what they like to do as opposed to what they are forced to do. it can be a bit scary, depending on your perspective, at this moment. for me, i am not scared because i see the glass half full right now. there is a refreshing peace when one is able to reflect on their past and see the hand of god on their life. the longer the experience the greater the reflection and peace.

i will not go on here to the 40's or 50's and beyond. although i do think the next monumental years in one's life are every decade after 30's. when i reflect in greater measure over my life it is hard to not think of the initial circumstances (positive and negative). but i truly remember many events that have stuck with me, shaped me, and in some ways derailed me. these are memories i would not change. i do think about what life would be like 30's from now. it seems like it took so long to get to this point. i wonder if it will feel that way when i am 60. i do know this if i am doing the exact same thing: married to liz, emotionally connected with my sons, serving in ministry with close friends, studying god's word and journaling everything he is saying, looking forward to holidays with family, and living the life that reflects who god is, i know i will be deeply satisfied with his handiwork.

when i turn part 4

2011-05-11T10:55:00.006+02:00

september 11th 2001 holds a different memory for me. i was working for an organization called sports magic based out of orlando florida. this was a training camp for crowd entertainers. many of my closest friends were on this trip and it definitely was a dude-bro trip. the morning of the attacks one of the rookies on the squad came busting into our room and turned on the tv and said the united states is under attack. the thought of this guy coming into the veterans room the way he did was similar to kevin costner's visit to the sioux tribe for the first time in dances with wolves. we were thinking "who does this guy think he is?" well, our flight back home around 1ish that day was canceled due to what took place. we were stranded in orlando on the companies dime. because we were the favored squad of the entire camp they gave us passes to a bunch of things throughout the city and put us up in a hotel and gave us per diem. we did mourn the loss of many but lets just say our experience was a picture of the unity that america was about to embrace in the next few months.

i love taking road trips. i think i would enjoy one by myself just as well.

i hate when people argue in the comments sections via the internet. especially when it is topics of pro-life vs pro-choice and christians vs atheists. but i do love conspiracies and controversy so it is a win win for me.

my dream is to have a few orphanages in ukraine and maybe one day africa.

you have to admit that genitalia in general has gotten humanity into a lot of trouble. i will ask god if he had thought of an alternative to what we have now when i get to heaven.

i am a terrible mother.

i always try to be a know-it-all. and if i don't know it i will play devil's advocate. i know, i need to stop but it goes along with the whole loving controversy thing.

i need absolute quiet when i study the word. i can tolerate music, with no lyrics, but if it has a very syncopated drum beat, or lyrics, i will think about that more than anything else. that is why prayer rooms are hard for me in a corporate setting. although i can testify to receiving revelation during sessions. i get distracted way to easily. the same could be said for conferences where there are people i don't know worshipping with me. don't even get me started on the expressions (that i feel are good in appropriate moments) that have flags and banners. i am a people watcher.

sometimes i wonder if i was born in the wrong century.

honestly, i am scared to death of jesus' second coming. i am afraid i will miss something or won't recognize him. like i am waiting for a certain bus at a certain bus stop and i accidentally get on the wrong bus line and it is too late to get out to change it.

if i am going to read i must have an actual book in my hand to mark pages and make notes with a pen. i can't do this whole electronic book thing. not that it is stupid but that i can't make that transition. i also hate it when people tell me, "i just don't read," then i notice they have a facebook and twitter account of which they read ALL. DAY. LONG.

i love that there are certain bands that no one else likes but me (even my wife). the same could be said for certain types of music too. this might be why no one asks me to "put some music on," and this also drives me crazy. i really hate it when i have something playing and then someone will come in and change it or turn it down for something else.

when i turn part 3

2011-05-11T08:28:00.004+02:00

i can remember walking into the house liz and i would live in thinking we are moving into this house. i also remember the moment we both said we are moving out of 2010 ola lane in 2010.

i still wish i could be on staff a shady grove church sometimes

i remember when liz told me we were going to have dutch. i didn't react the way she would have hoped and i still feel bad for that.

my dad and i are so much alike. except for the fact that i will not construct a shower facility outside...yes he has one.

whenever my wife and i go to bed at the same time, most nights we will lay in bed watching seinfeld reruns. we have been doing this for years now. i love it.

when ever liz and i go to another country i beg her to allow us to make "our mark" in that country. we are doing pretty good so far across the globe.

i remember driving home from the dealership when i had bought my first car. i felt so cool, until i realized i bought a chevy cavalier.

i remember walking up to an iraqi when i went to denmark on a missions trip and the terror in my mind about the current state of the war. i remember his face as he thanked me for liberating his country. that moment shaped my view for people in that part of the world. he did not know me from adam. every other muslim i had met regardless if they were iraqi or not seemed to want to defend or excuse behavior of their leaders. not this guy, he expressed extreme gratitude.

i remember when i was in high school and hanging out late on the weekend with my friend nathaniel phillips. we were pulled over for curfew violation (we didn't get a ticket). the police officer, thinking he had busted me good, asked me if my parents knew where i was. i told him yes and he called my mom and she verified that she knew where i was. i felt like telling the cop "BOOM SUCKA!" but i didn't.

i have made up my mind to be rock and roll the rest of my life. so i am going to try.

i am so thankful that alcohol and marijuana (or any drug for that matter) didn't appeal to me when i was a teen.

i was a virgin when i married liz, but i remember thinking, "i know exactly how this is supposed to happen" on our first night. and i will never forget the moment she walked around that aisle and was coming to me, it was truly an el rey by the lassie foundation moment.

i wish i was good at poker. when all my friends get together i always decline to play. i know they are all better than me...or am i bluffing?

i hate that i don't consider others more than i should. sometimes i can be so selfish. there is a couple that lives in the same apartment building as liz and me. they go to the same church as well and speak english, but i have no desire to hang out with them. i think that is sorry, but i can't force to be his friend. i don't have the energy right now.

more to come...

when i turn part 2

2011-05-09T12:03:00.006+02:00

i blame my parents for all the good attributes in my life

i remember talking to michelle harbst and liz williams in the gym of 1829 on a wednesday night about relationships and i had no thought at that moment my wonderful lifetime bride was on the other end. good thing my a-game was on.

i want to go to kathmandu but have neither the funds nor the thought that it might be ok for me to go right now.

the espresso machine we got from liz's sister katie, is the best thing that has happened since sliced bread.

my wife can start cleanses in one day and have so much determination to stick to them...i wish i could do that.

having more than enough scares me more than not having enough.

i love waking at 530am and thinking about what the lord wants to say. this mean my night life guy is slowly dying, or i should say, he is not seen nearly as much anymore.

i love the thought that even if this whole following god thing turns into being a fraud i still will know i had peace following him anyway.

i love, after being sick and unable to taste food, the first morning when i can taste the intensity of a cup of coffee. on that note, every morning when my lips are touched by the flavor of coffee i literally feel the greatness of god on this earth ;-). i can drink hot beverages in every season...even the summer afternoons will not keep me away from a cup of coffee.

finding that cd of ambient music that can be added to my list of already extensive amounts of music brings joy to my heart. keep it comin helios, hammock, slow dancing society, brian mcbride, and the many more that i haven't named.

in high school most of my hanging buddies were in the class above me. when they left for their senior trip i missed them but remember riding in josh briscoe's le mans listening to p-diddy's remix of the police's every breath you take. that was a sweet remedy for my hearts desire.

i remember being on my knees one night in brad pratt's apartment rededicating my life to the lord. a bunch of guys were there praying over me. transformation happened but not right away.

i remember when i was 12 the family sat down for dinner and i wanted to try some of my dad's beer. he was drinking keystone light. he said ok and i tried it. trying to be able to be like him i was acting as though i liked it...it was the most disgusting thing in the world. keystone light STILL is the most disgusting thing in the world (besides my youngest sons vile poo's).

more to come...

when i turn

2011-05-09T10:44:00.007+02:00

sitting here in my apartment i am trying to think of clever words to construct a well thought out story or possibly a grand revelation i have received this week for my life 30 years in. note that it is very difficult to gather thoughts when you decided to not take your child to school and therefore he is home with you. nevertheless this post will be one of transparency...

i love stories that tell of individuals across the world having dreams and in the middle of that dream jesus christ comes to them and reveals who he is. these reports are happening more and more. it stirs me most when it happens to muslims and i can't explain why but i get stirred every time i witness a radical islamic individual come to know the lord through this process of a dream.

i am hanging on to a music dream. i remember the first time i was asked to be apart of levi smith's worship team. it changed my life forever. i also remember him talking about the difference between music as a hobby and music as a calling. i have embraced it as a calling, and hope that even if i never make the "big" stage, i have been able to get into places and reveal the love of god through music ministry. it seems to serve me well.

one day i hope to write a book. my thoughts are about a book that defends how natural the spiritual really is (or at least how god wanted the spiritual to be natural). i know this may be a long process. thanks to gary benjamin i am well on my way as of very recently. this book, i hope, will serve as a help book for professional counselors and pastors that are not professional.

i still wonder many times if i am doing what god had designed for me. call it insecurity, call it immaturity, or call it stupidity but i know i won't let go of him.

i still wonder if i had pursued a soccer career if i would be playing in top tier clubs right now. i hate that i am turning 30 and should be in the prime of my physique and can barely get out of bed some mornings cause my legs are hurting and my back aches.

i do love that in a world of technological advancement (even beyond our control). i am still not caring too much for the next latest toy or trinket. i hold dear to my journal of leather and tree. however, i do prefer the moleskine, which i guess would be considered the technological advancement of someone who enjoys writing.

often there are times in my life when i want people to recognize my intellect, wit, humor, and achievements. i will even do things in order to gain this recognition...crazy huh?

i type the word "the" like this sometimes "teh" and don't catch it (it also happens with "from" being "form").

whenever i think i may have offended someone i will not be able to go to sleep until i know that it has been made right.

right now at this very moment i hate that i cannot provide for my family the way i should when compared to all the rest of the men i know in my life.

i am not in a hurry anymore.

i could easily live with my parents the rest of my life.

i always want to be on the front line of ministry; knowing what god is doing, knowing the politics of the whole thing.

i aspire to write an ambient album that is used for meditation on the word of god.

gel pens (sanford uni-ball 207 gel pen) make my writers mind go crazy. i love them and can never have enough.

if only i could learn your language in a matter of days.

despite knowing the warnings of too much money, i still want more of it to do the things that would be fun.

i constantly struggle with the "us" versus "them" mentality and i like to correct others when they take this strategy.

i still bite my fingernails despite the health warnings.

i wish i could get rid of my "muffin top" torso. and i don't understand how my arms can stay so chiseled.

i often wonder if beards and long hair will ever be acceptable to all cultures as an acceptable business like professional appearance. then again, if it did i probably would do something else just to be counter-culture.

i still remember going to south by southwest with my best friends who let me tag along with them and having the time of my life.

i still remember wishing that an elder at my church would ask me to go to another country with them as they did with my friends, and then getting that chance with my pastor jon dunn. it still brings tears of joy to my eyes.

i remember when i kept wanting to go back into doing things for the ministry after feeling like i would get burned and burned again and liz would get frustrated because she loved me and didn't want me to get hurt again.

i remember being "the guitar tech" for my best friends' band radiant. even though i didn't know more than how to change the strings and tune the guitars. every night i would go to help them at a show i felt so important. this opportunity made me think that i could be in a band one day but i didn't want to right away because i didn't want to stop helping radiant.

i remember when my dad found out i smoked cigarette's and he said, "if you have them in this house you better throw them out or i will throw you out!"

i remember the day i got a phone call from my friend david lancashire who said he wanted to pay my salary to be able to continue working at shady grove.

i remember when i bought, my then girlfriend, liz a new dvd player and blue crush. we watched it in her living room and i felt like i did the greatest thing ever.

1996 state champs! 1998 my senior year i remember having to play center forward to help put our team 3rd in state after losing our star keeper and center forward having to play keeper to replace him. i scored two goals that i will never forget. i also remember having a break away with a guy right on me and due to our athletic shorts being so ridiculous my "package" almost was exposed due to the shorts riding up on me mid sprint. it could have been a hat trick.

more to come...

in christ's perfection he looked down to earth

2011-04-28T13:23:00.004+02:00

if someone says, "i love god," but hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love god whom he has not seen. - 1 john 4:20

if, then, you will become perfect in love, strive to fulfill this duty, in loving to love the person one sees, to love him just as you see him, with all his imperfections and weaknesses, love him as you see him when he is utterly changed, when he no longer loves you, when he perhaps turns indifferently away or turns to love someone else, love him as you see him when he betrays and denies you.

-kierkegaard

that is what you are going with?

2011-04-21T17:14:00.006+02:00

after i read an article about a church leaderships new campaign to market church as "church sucks" i didn't know what to think. i did want to comment on the article but i didn't want to be "one of those guys" who comments on public places. i realize i have in the last few weeks and i am strongly fighting the urge to do it. those people will never see me nor understand what i am saying, supportive or discouraging through a website. i hate, above most things, communication breakdown's.

this perspective of promoting reverse psychology is not the enemy of faith but does not steer one clear of moralistic deism, of which the american church is steeped in. i found the approach rather frustrating. not the whole ability to come up with something witty and market an idea but just how this particular church felt a need to use a perspective of the world to draw attention to themselves and the church. my thoughts were simply...why not use the gospel of jesus christ, no?

the desire of attention is what seems to be the root of the issue. an alternative to wanting attention might be to teach the congregation of a real perception of the church from outsiders that is not true. instruct those who have been transformed by the power of the holy spirit to go be jesus to these outsiders. this would change the ideology that we feel and are tempted to shape our church based upon what goes on in popular culture. preach jesus and the gospel (romans 1:16). words, persuasion, and gimmicks don't transform individuals (galatians 1:12).

i can remember programs that would go on in the duration of the church week that were not very popular and therefore would need to be scratched from the church machine of services. they could be revamped, altered, or discarded altogether. however, new marketing doesn't transform the people. if this is done out of fear of low attendance then your issue may not be that you need to pump more life into your church or program. quite possibly something needs to die in order for god to use it, like when he called us to die to ourselves in order to be disciples of his.

so the issue is NOT the outsiders. the issues are with the insiders. and that is ok because we can try and make things popular and cool all we want but the transforming power of the spirit is what insiders and outsiders need regardless of what you or they are doing at 10 am on sunday morning. without it you have a gathering of people who are prone to love themselves without the revelation that god loves them so they can love others.

this opened my eyes

Augustine on God's Love, Wrath, and the Cross

2011-04-21T13:30:00.000+02:00

i cannot get past this amazing gift and for the rest of my life i will pursue him who gives it

Augustine on God's Love, Wrath, and the Cross

another report from japan

2011-04-13T21:40:00.000+02:00

this is what i hope to hear more and more of...

Another Report From Japan

the god of the pacific

2011-04-10T09:01:00.005+02:00

as i am able, i find that my reading base has grown. it now stretches over to the pacific rim and although the numbers are few i know that they are people with heart and personality. with that in mind, i would like to ask if they could give an account of what might actually be going on in their world. i hear and read news stories all day long but have realized that reuters, google, huffington post, yahoo news, and any other i have left out, all fail to give me an accurate description of the landscape that i long to hear. at the moment i have befriended a young south korean woman who is doing some translating at a korean company here in belgium. i think i might ask her once a week if there is anything new in developments on that side of the world in light of the tragic events that have taken place over the last 8 weeks because i am really wanting to know.

my heart goes out to those who are without on ANY level. i have an even deeper hurt for those who have witnessed first hand nature's capability and feel trapped in their minds as to whether or not there is an entity that actually cares for them outside of themselves. i am greatly curious and so comes with that curiosity many questions that i was hoping my japanese and korean audience could respond to.

i want to know the level of dependence upon god, and whether the feeling is growing or shrinking back? i want to know about how faith has helped and in what ways has it changed the mindset that god is good despite the circumstances? most of the news received from the popular outlets is reporting the political agendas, nuclear disposals, and such but i want to know more about the people and the face of the public.

i admit i am wanting to see hope in everything, despite what the circumstances may communicate to the japanese and the rest of the world. i know the experience of it all is a world apart from where i sit today and ask for thoughts. my faith has not been rocked by the events that may have challenged even the most faithful and devout on that side of the world. however, if i can communicate anything i want those trying to make sense out of everything to know that around the world there are those who are contending in prayer for the japanese and everyone who has been affected by the events of the earthquake.

you can respond through my facebook page. and i was hoping to gather many comments from readers and post a complete blog of comments and notes.

how can i do this

2011-04-09T15:20:00.004+02:00

i guess you could say i am getting burned...

"in his (jesus) love there was no demand on any other man or on any other man's time, energy, assistance, service, love-in-return, for what christ demanded of him was only the other man's gain, and he demanded it only for the other man's sake; no one lived with himself as deeply as christ loved him."

-kierkegaard

communal acquaintances

2011-04-07T09:53:00.003+02:00

it is starting to become real. the other day as i walked around with titus in the stroller on a not to warm afternoon i came into contact with more than one individual whom i have met while going about getting settled into our home. i ran into the woman who helped with getting our internet set up while she was getting a sandwich on her lunch break, i also came across the lady who is helping with our integration and legal status here in waterloo, and while taking dutch to school on the bus there was a young woman who i have seen and talked to at the bus stop.

it is becoming even more real that english is not a barrier to knowing these people and becoming an influence. i have already begun my petitioning of the lord as to how i can impart something into their life. i owe this to the lord and his leading of us NOT living at the waterloo base, among many other reasons. i have felt troubled on some occasions because i cannot live there with my team and closest friends but the lord knows what he is doing for our influence in this city.

it has been wonderful and i hope that the light of god reveals his son thru our living in another part of the commune.

an answer in korean

2011-03-30T10:42:00.005+02:00

i technically should be studying/preparing for a particular word but i am distracted. last night at our tuesday night encounter meeting i spoke with a woman from south korea. she has been sent here by her company to translate for the branch of her company located right here in waterloo. oddly enough she told her company to place her temporary residence at a specific location because she was wanting to be close to the brussels house of prayer. she had found ninth hour on the internet and saw a house of prayer which seemed to encourage here a great deal. this is magnificent in itself.

last night we began discussing her church situation back home in south korea. she is greatly distressed due to an enormous amount of frustration at not being able to find a church home. she has seen a lot and i don't feel i have the time to share everything here. but i thought about what god had told me before i moved here and the specific people group i would be ministering too. it is amazing that i was able to minster to a korean in belgium. leave it to god to bring an opportunity for us (ninth hour) to sow a seed to an individual who is not even european. this is how god did and even now does things across the globe.

i was reminded of when paul was wanting to go to a certain region in asia minor in order to preach the gospel but, acts 16:7 states that, the spirit of jesus did not permit him. we find later that due to a redirection paul runs into lydia (in a place of prayer no doubt) who becomes the starter of a home church in the area that god had forbidden at that point to go. this is remarkable that god crosses people's paths, directs steps, and relocates individuals all for the sake of furthering his kingdom. i prayed with her for discernment upon her return to korea to locate a church that speaks to her the truth of god. we also prayed that she would find all those negative influences that discouraged her faith would suddenly be shaken off of her. i didn't tell her to start a church but i did tell her that we, as a team, are standing with her even all the way over here in europe.

god is so good to those who heed his direction, and to those who don't, unfortunately, they miss that what god is doing is for their good.

how can this be

2011-03-28T15:28:00.008+02:00

i was privileged to attend a youth retreat this past weekend for a friend of mine who is a youth minister on this side of the pond. it happened rather quickly as he invited me to speak at the retreat a little more than a month out from the actual retreat. i asked god for everything specific. the theme of the retreat was do hard things.

this was an anglican church so it was composed of mostly brits. it was quite fun interacting with unfamiliar faces and meeting new people. i needed to do this and towards the end of the retreat i found myself using phrases that they used and sort of resorting to their style of humor. it did seem quite serious when we would get down to the "meet with god" bit. a quiet hush would come over the campers when we would enter into a time of worship and prayer. this DID bother me but because of the fact that i didn't know these people i was not wanting to step on any toes. "americans" already have a way of making their presence known and leave it to me to defy the stereotype's just to prove them wrong.

the sunday morning we were to leave we had one more time of breaking away from the bigger group and i had time with 2 guys. the leaders were free to find any scripture that they felt would be good to read together. because of the nature of the individuals i felt it was necessary to read ephesians 1(especially the bit about the eyes of the heart being opened to know the calling, inheritance, and power of god towards us). as i read this over and over to them and asked these guys to tell me in their own words what they thought it meant i was shocked to realize they had little to no understanding of the value of the christian walk. it was quite frustrating to me and i felt the best thing to do was to pray. i told the boys i would start and then they would say a prayer and then i would end it.

there was quite a disconnect. i was amazed that one of the guys couldn't even get a word out. he started out saying, "god i pray..." and that was it. i thought he was thinking and contemplating but he was at a loss for words. this is the picture of what is taking place in europe. i am not wanting to "take the mick out" on him (as they would say in england) but this young man grew up IN the church. prayer should be the language he only knows better than any other language.

sadly this is the state of the church, an illiterate, and seemingly powerless body of christ. but that is just it, once they gain literacy that power is attainable.

father, my prayer for this nation is not to embarrass them, nor to shame them but for them to be shocked into the revelation of YOUR desire to move in power across this land. reshape this church, refine this generation, may their illiteracy not frame what people, secular and religious, say or how they define their existence by.

no no no before that

2011-03-18T09:54:00.004+01:00

what a great reminder today of who's foundation was laid first on this earth. in genesis 1 please read what the first four words are. if you have the truly divine scriptures (as i do) you will be reading from the new american standard (of course i am joking). however the text states, "in the beginning god..."

before the troubles of my current state. before the rough edges that cut my character and temporarily mark me in this life. before the jagged corners of my existence were able to justly condemn me...

god

was

there

1 john 4:8 tells us that god is love. before our form and all the void that influences us, god knew us and was present in our foundation. because of this he has a richer and deeper claim and a governing authority in the decision of our fate. all the while in our existence god will continue to remind us of what is good, just as he did throughout the discourse of genesis 1. he is the author of goodness; the inventor of its mechanisms and only the author knows how their concepts operate best.

before the corruption that transformed what god created as good into possibilities of evil...

god was

during eve's entertainment of what would be the demise of us and likewise in the pursuit of disobedience...

god was

and to this day long after the seed of corruption has sprouted to produce a massive quantity of evil and destruction by our choosing, and by our earthly fathers...

god was and is

rejoice today that his claim on you predates that of your sin. he has not left you without a way to find him and reclaim what he has created for you to share with him. the power of the work of jesus christ (and only jesus christ) demonstrates for us that he has chosen to purchase us back.

he is there

2011-03-17T11:10:00.001+01:00

psalm 3:4,5

i awake today because the lord has heard my cry and i could peacefully sleep and because he sustains me throughout my day.

yes, i will pray again

2011-03-15T14:04:00.004+01:00

praying for revival in the land of belgium is very much apart of what i, along with ninth hour, have been doing the last 2 years. at times it gets mundane and tiring. it seems the same words are repeated over and over and over again. it defeats me.

i am glad i do not rest my assurance in the natural because i would be long gone from this place. my hope has its aim on something that god will reveal when he is ready to reveal it. in the meantime, there are new faces every week that are finding out what god is doing and they are stirred too to seek god daily. we all have sadly witnessed what takes place when the earth decides to shift plates around geographically. a catastrophic event is sure to happen whenever there is shifting of any realm. shifting is taking place right where we stand and if you are not careful you will miss it. as opposed to dramatic change in the floor, as in an earthquake, shifting in the spiritual realm seems to be the answer to a consistent prayer. every encounter we have with a group of people gathered here there is one more who opens there mouth and proclaims that they have felt something different. every encounter we have here in our gatherings one more is finding out that they too are carrying something, a message, a token of the favor of god which cannot be contained. i rejoice with them because with every encounter they can easily observe the indisputable fact that god is doing something inside their hearts that cannot be manipulated or duplicated by man.

so...

with that revelation i will wake up tomorrow and proclaim from the rooftops what i have been proclaiming the last 2 years. it will be the same thing over and over and over.

the works of love

2011-03-09T13:53:00.006+01:00

what is it that really binds the temporal and the eternal? what is it other than love, which therefore is before everything else and remains when all else is past. but just because love is the bond of the eternal and just because the temporal and the eternal are heterogeneous, to the earthly prudence of temporality love may seem to be a burden, and therefore in the temporal world it may seem a great relief to the sensualist to cast this bond of eternity away.

...a fool's conceit hides for him how inconsolable his life is. that he 'has ceased sorrowing' we will not deny, but, nevertheless, what gain is this when salvation consists precisely in his beginning to sorrow earnestly over himself!

-kierkegaard of course

don't help me daddy

2011-03-07T20:18:00.004+01:00

dutch is growing faster than i can say laissez faire. he is wanting to do everything by his self nowadays. get dressed, put on his winter clothes, open the car door, load his motorcycle into the back of the car, and even go to the bathroom ALL BY HIS SELF. i love this and there is no objection to allow him to do things by himself but we certainly must allow an extra 30 minutes for him to accomplish his task. amongst allowing extra time we must weigh the pro's and con's of letting him wipe his own butt. i absolutely have no objection to letting HIM wipe his rear clean. i couldn't be happier to let him do this. wiping one butt is enough for me. what i do have an issue with is the amount of toilet paper he uses to accomplish such a feat. i am an echo of my own father. i can remember the moment he taught me how to take more advantage of the amount of toilet paper i use (trying to keep his money in his pocket). i used to just roll it into a ball, as dutch does now, and was only able to use it once. you should hear him he is so proud of his ability. my dad taught me the method of folding it into a square. this allows me to be able to use it at the most 3 times at least 2 times. so my conundrum is wiping his butt myself or letting him do it but knowing that the toilet paper is quickly being used at an incredible rate (my kid goes "poo" 4 times a day). so i beg you to please let me know what is a better end of the deal: to ensure that my grocery budget stays at its comfortable location or i rest, letting my son use his share of whatever he needs, and allow him to wipe his own?

the benefits of less friendships

2011-02-14T10:58:00.002+01:00

what i have entered into is the awareness of an "away" home and a "home" home. here now, my circle of friendships in waterloo is dim and very small. on any given weekend i may experience the company of my texan friends for a day or maybe even less than that. the waterloo house's company may be all that exists for that weekend outside my family. part of me feels it is necessary to check my pulse and see if i am truly alive. the contexts are extremely different. if i am not careful with which mentality to have at the moment i could get lost in a desire to experience the fellowship i once had very prevalently and be left to disappointment. being here the mentality should be, "you have friends, you just don't know them yet," and with it a chance to be me all the while start over on those character flaws i felt so strongly to terminate back home. in the meantime (which is not to say or suggest is less important or uneventful) i am able to spend massive quantitative time with my boys and beautiful wife. to my advantage in order to find quality i must go through quantity when it comes to family. perhaps this is why so many family members seem to miss a quality language with their other members due to them not wanting to spend quantitative time. my heart leaps for joy when i read a text that my wife is on the early train home for the day. i love pulling up to dutch's school and seeing his face light up to see me...then quickly i give him a banana for the ride home. i sing praises when titus and i are able to go for a quick afternoon stroll around our area after lunch. and even as the sunlight pounds my windows flooding my living room with light i begin to see that i love both quality and quantity just the same with my family.

redeeming slave girls

2011-02-01T09:46:00.003+01:00

i had to share this email i received today. it blessed me tremendously.

Greetings from Asha Nepal
How are you? Praise the Lord God and His Son Jesus Christ who has given us true salvation as well as freedom in Him from our bondages of sins. We are so much privileged to help sexually exploited women and their children. We are honored for your partnership and support. Please be praying for Madhu as she is getting married with a man in south Nepal on February 7th. Madhu was sold in brothels and had to stay there for about 10 years as sex slave. She got HIV there. We had rescued her and given her sewing training. Now she is getting married and they are planning to have a tailoring shop after they get married. The man who is getting married is aware about madhu and her past life. But he is so much happy to marry her. It is Jesus working, not us. Because of Him

Bimala and Asha Nepal family

very touching and very encouraging that redemption is taking place as you read this.

quick reflection

2010-12-27T21:55:00.004+01:00

i have been longing to begin "my project" for a while. i technically have it started but not in any order. it has been a working process for over a year now and i am excited to have a study area to begin. when we move into our new house here in belgium i will begin hastily on getting things started. i imagine not being in the waterloo house with everyone will give me plenty of time to myself to begin this thing. i am seeing myself working quite a bit when the kids are in bed and when i have some time to myself. these are the available slots for me in this season.

i can't describe the feeling i have. it's like when you know you need to be working on something but there are things that are holding you back. or maybe it isn't hurdles as much as it is not the right timing to begin something like this. i am not writing a book...yet. but i do want to tackle this discipleship curriculum that i have had on my mind for a long time. this is the time to implement what works and trash what doesn't. i have plenty of test tubes, so to speak.

i have this burning in my heart to do it and it won't go away. prayer is what i need from you now.

my soul longs for routine

2010-12-13T11:28:00.003+01:00

adjusting to this new role as mr. mom is becoming easier. i just hope that those excellent qualities my wife taught my children while she remained at home can also be consistently taught by me as well. it is something i have had to make a priority. i am able to make time for them but i am tempted to just resort to this idea that taking care of them is the same thing as me spending time with them. it is not the same thing. i think they are always looking forward to the moment i lay on the floor and allow myself to be a landing pad for their aerial attack. over and over again dutch will do the same technique and my only job is to protect my most intimate of areas. i know that finding our own place will provide a better opportunity for a steady routine. that is what i am wanting more than ever right now. dutch will be starting school in a few weeks so another change is on the horizon. the schedule lends itself to being early mornings. i am not opposed to this at all. continue to pray that liz and i are able to locate a home and a vehicle quickly. we have been beyond blessed to be able to live in a community of generosity but i do not wish to wear out our welcome.

Simeon's and Anna's

2010-12-09T15:47:00.006+01:00

The holiday season does something to you doesn't it? Specifically Christmas. I notice back in the United States most of what is now happening is that as soon as Halloween is over the Christmas decor is in full effect. I was able to reflect on this to the youth of The Christian Center during my message and reveal a frustration with how another holiday known as "Thanksgiving" is overlooked in the states. I was introduced to the pulpit as one with a Masters in Psychology. I thought nothing of it, however, many of the youth seemed intrigued and desired to question how psychology was possible. One of the students named Benjamin asked "what about the authority of the Holy Scriptures?" I knew I would fit in with this certain bunch of youth who are looking for truth amongst their studies. These young adults are in a place of wanting to know how to process truth and how to determine what to take in as God breathed. I felt strongly that through their questions they were not so much as trying to test me about what I felt as truth but rather to reveal that they too are hungry to know God on a very very deep level. Not this surface level "go to church on Sunday, read the Bible as a history book," mentality. They really want to go deep. I saw it and I feel even more challenged to correctly present the word of God as the best source for truth. So my adventure just began and already I have found some whom need discipleship of a different kind.

monday for barcelona

2010-12-03T22:02:00.005+01:00

what liz and i have come to realize is that our kids are not necessarily used to many people all at once. that is what you have to expect in the ninth hour base at avenue des gemeaux 4. dutch has acclimated pretty quickly however titus hinrik has been quite the challenge. i shall return to this subject in a moment.

we were very shocked however, to find that a week out from our move liz was to change positions in her place of employment. it was highly recommended that she interview for this position that became available the week before our move. liz and i were excited for this opportunity because it was a change of pace for her. it would require her to go to the office five days a week and allow me to be mr. mom. i would gladly give her this opportunity due to her tremendous sacrifice for our family by raising our kids, working from home, and allowing me to pursue my education as a counselor and then a career. i was excited to be able to do this in belgium but as the lord has clearly shown us, it will have to wait for the now. upon her confirming interview the thursday after we landed we found out that she was required to leave the following monday for barcelona for a business trip. this was not what she nor i were expecting as soon as we land.

i was gearing up for the 3 day excursion with my kids who were NOT completely adjusted to this time zone and community living...

first moments

2010-11-28T12:12:00.004+01:00

god is good...

this has been the most trying statement the last week. my heart and mind want to follow this statement and believe every aspect to the littlest part. sometimes i am so consumed by the last 168 hrs (7 days) that i lose focus even for a second on what the whole reason i moved here to begin with was. both excitement and fear gripped me for this endeavor. so at any one time my emotions were either on a high or in the valley of despair.

the travel was perfect. liz and i have both traveled quite a bit alone and with our kids and i know if there is an opportunity to travel without kids we will take it. however, there was no option this time. we boarded the flight on british airways and were very excited about the opportunity to be entertained by tv without having to pay. the only thought was if the kids were not doing well then it would require us to forget about salt, or robin hood and put our full attention on dutch or titus. the trip across the pond was fantastic. we made it without any "screaming incidents." they both fell asleep 5 minutes into the flight for nearly an hour and a half. granted it took me nearly 4 hours to watch robin hood i was glad that it was not because i had a screaming kid who needed me every few seconds. we arrived in london and quickly boarded the flight to brussels without missing a beat. upon our arrival in brussels national airport we were greeted with the reality that not all of our luggage made it on the our flight from heathrow. we had no way of getting in touch with anyone outside the airport to let them know and i couldn't leave my wife with our two kids and nearly 10 pieces of heavy luggage. so by the time i found out about where our luggage was it was nearly time for them to arrive on the next flight from heathrow. naturally we decided to wait for it. well, all of a sudden, nearly 1 hour and 30 minutes after landing jon vandeput comes with a security agent looking for us because he was worried about us. we kindly explained the situation to him and he was escorted back out of the baggage area. the first moments in the car on the way home from the airport were absolutely amazing. the thoughts of us doing this were real and at that moment it did not seem to be all that challenging. as my family would soon find out, our opposition was about to become greater...

jesus satisfies his bride

2010-11-10T22:12:00.003+01:00

continuing on divorce and marriage...

isaiah 54:5-6

jeremiah 3:20

ezekial 16:8

hosea 2:19-20

these verses indicate god's desire and proactive approach towards the healing of individuals with marriage as the ointment, so to speak. what we can conclude from scripture is the following:

1. marriage fills the earth with a witness of the relationship between him and his people. this is one reason why divorce and re-marriage are so serious and should not be pursued. they do not tell the accurate story of god and his people

2. marriage not only reveals his unconditional love but also his profound mercy and patience...and all of it is unconditional

3. marriage shows his goodness and fidelity. so divorce, discord, and division obscure this image

4. marriage reflects the gospel in the image of jesus christ: forgiveness, long-suffering, compassion, unconditional grace, covenant and humility

god is radical and not accommodating. our world needs to see a church that is so satisfied in christ that its marriages are not abandon for anything even something as emotional neglect. the deepest meaning of marriage is the covenant keeping faithfulness of christ to his church despite their infidelity, abuse, or emotional disconnect, he will never divorce her.

how much for this broken marriage?

2010-11-01T19:23:00.003+01:00

in matthews account of divorce 19:3-12 we have some of the harshest realities that challenge even the current direction of relationships of today. in all accounts one thing is certain, jesus is always challenging the convenient idea of happiness. i find jesus is far more concerned with our joy than our happiness. the two are different and you will quickly find the difference not when things are going as you planned them, but rather, when things are NOT going as you had planned them.

this standard frustrated even those walking closest to him. there response in verse 10 indicates a frustrated defeat. maybe they had hoped jesus would be wrong, or change his mind as many scholars suppose god does from time to time. i think this is an area where jesus' standard reflects the upmost importance, "not all men can accept this statement, but only to whom it has been given." so really jesus is suggesting what many refuse to see marriage to be...a gift from god. some have been given the gift of marriage and some, on the other hand, have not (some by their own choice and some by god's). i don't think it is hard to know whether or not you have been given this gift of marriage. what many have been suggesting in their behavior, however, is gladly accepting the gift given only to later want an "upgrade" while leaving the other "gift" on the shelf only to be sold in a garage sale. oh how the mind cons us into trading rough patches of relational despair for temporal satisfaction. if you think that this isn't true than maybe the statistics can reorganize your thoughts as it clearly indicates the percentages of those who have divorced once will likely divorce again (don't even ask about 3rd divorces). the bar is high for a reason. don't think for one second that the easy way out is god's way out. more times than not the easy way out is NEVER god's way out. especially when it comes to breaking a convenant.

two masters

2010-10-23T14:55:00.007+02:00

a mormon and mark twain were debating the issue on a man having more than one wife and the biblical view. the mormon was absolutely determined to convince twain that polygamy was divinely encouraged and is taught in the bible. he gave his strongest points and twain was still not sure of the standard. the mormon chose to challenge twain and told him to find a scripture in the bible that was actually in opposition to having more than one wife (quite common for those who want to do want they want to do without any real concern for what god says about the issue). twain went on the next week searching and researching the position of the bible. he had found something, so he returned with quite a confident demeanor. the mormon quickly jumped right back into the topic and challenged twain's ostensible confidence. mr. twain replied that he had found in scripture jesus himself challenging the position of a man having more than one wife. he pointed to matthew 6:24 and read...

no one can serve two masters; for either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other...

women make terrible gods. men make terrible gods. marriage makes a terrible god. i find marriage today has become just that...a god intended to fulfill or complete individuals. marriage can't give anyone that satisfaction. it's going to fail you every time you put something in the place of god. so when women put expectations on a man that he was never meant to fulfill, he WILL NOT MEET them. the outcome is disastrous for both, she is disappointed and he is either defeated or he is searching for someone who won't constantly hold him to such unrealistic expectations. i think if men are placing any unrealistic expectations on their women it comes in the form of inconsistent leadership. men will be afraid to lead, or set a standard and women will be confused about where the relationship is going.

marriage then is a wonderful, yet brief, blessing (matt 22:30). in everything jesus displays his standards were never meant for the assumption that this earth is our final home. i believe, just as you see in marriage, so much our culture creates will stand against what our heavenly father stands for. marriage isn't any different because if its finitude. because this perspective is so radical it creates tragedy for some who hold to unrealistic expectations for their spouse. marriage will not meet your needs, jesus will. don't make marriage a god.

a case for conflict

2010-10-21T18:54:00.004+02:00

because of the thought, research, and passion i have for this particular subject i will be splitting it up into a few different blogs. that way those who claim they are NOT readers can sit for a short period of time and yet still get something out of what i have found in the word. otherwise, these people will lose focus and feel the need to be entertained on youtube by seeing if there are any more song renditions of a robber coming into peoples houses and doing things to them so they best be hiding their kids, wives, and husbands too (we gonna find you). i feel i have already lost some of you to that search as i type this now.

god is good. and marriage which he made as the first institution (gen. 2:18-24) is just as good as he is. however, as we read in the very next chapter of god creating this institution, we find that there is what some call a "fall," or maybe you prefer a "fracture," or for the small few who have a sense of humor "what always happens when a woman enters the picture." whichever you choose to describe what takes place in chapter 3 of genesis we know that there is an awakening that creates the ability for man to find other forms of gods (with all of it having a root of self idolatry). james 4:1-3 spells it out pretty clearly as i mentioned on tuesday night, a look into the source of conflicts. and conflict is the viewable layer we find in divorce, it is the tree that produces the fruit we so despise in any individual. yet we will never ever find conflict to be a distant memory of our past. even the most loving and dedicated believer will encounter at one point and another a conflict with another individual. so to work and strive towards a conflict free relationship with a spouse is like trying to separate the air from gravity.

i leave you with this thought...

iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another

-proverbs 27:17

if the axe becomes dull and he does not sharpen its edge, then he must exert more strength. wisdom has the advantage of giving success.

-ecclesiastes 10:10

there's more to come...

the d word

2010-10-19T19:51:00.002+02:00

tonight at the gathering i am fortunate to be able to share on divorce. i have roughly 20 minutes which is waaaaaaaaay to short of a time slot on this extremely important issue in the church, and even outside the church for that matter. so in order to appease myself i will be opening up my blog for a broader and more in depth revelation that i have received. i wish i had a week to share all my thoughts and all that i have found on this issue but unfortunately i do not. so look for the notes in the coming days.

blessings

early and often

2010-10-07T22:12:00.003+02:00

teens who consistently suffer "life" lessons/consequences will find no angle of trust for a parent who is inconsistent in their rules for their teen...even if the parent's claims are for the well-being of the teen. this sounds a lot like many christians who fall away due to their claims god is inconsistent or feel his values are NOT for their well-being.

another reason parents need to establish a better picture for their kids early and often

parents, have rules that are consistent and fair. and remember that rules without consequences are worthless and confusing, which is another reason kids these days are growing to see god the same way

playing to lead

2010-10-06T19:32:00.003+02:00

today is a wonderful day in dfw history. the rangers are entering into the post season for the first time in over a decade. i am so giddy inside about this. i haven't followed as closely as i had when i was in jr. high and elementary but i think for me the simple connection is that it is headed by nolan ryan. nolan is my favorite player of the game. it is truly fitting that he is here leading it like he was attempting when he was pitching on the mound 20 yrs ago. i already consider this year a success for those players but i do have a desire for them to do what no other ranger team has.

like 6 years ago

2010-10-06T00:47:00.005+02:00

its beginning to hit me that i will be leaving for belgium in just a few short weeks. i can't believe this is real and it is happening. if i were to tell you about the detailed work of the lord i would be committing a blogger no-no (too long of a post). i am already one who does not hold to that rule as much as i should.

as of recently liz and i have found how expensive it will be just to get ourselves over there, with our kids this time. yeah it's not cheap. i think the strangest work of god is using the establishment liz and i despised for so long to be the actual instrument he has used to get us over to belgium and minister...her work place. sheesh, i think that is a blog in and of itself. maybe even a book. but here we are a few weeks out and this job of liz's is something we have now seen as an arm of the lord for our good. did you hear me right, this, this thing, this utterly disgusting and dead-end job for liz has transformed our lives by the working of the holy spirit. i don't have words to express my understanding. even when liz marched into our apartment when we first were married and told me that she was done with this job (this was like 6 yrs ago) i felt so bad because of her feelings of frustration. so all i have is my thoughts, which are not always communicated effectively out loud, and my pen and journal.

all i can say is that god is good. not because he has given me what i wanted, but because he has used what i didn't want, to make me what he wanted. man it is truly a miraculous testimony that i hope to be able to share with each and everyone of you...another day.

you need him more today

2010-10-04T19:48:00.004+02:00

matthew 26:35 - peter said to him (jesus), "even if i have to die with you, i will not deny you." all the disciples said the same thing too.

...remember what happens?

we are always quick to make such bold statements about ourselves when we haven't faced the realities of the cross just yet. it is easy to abandon the idea of our weakness and lack of faith when it hasn't been challenged by what god offers through the cross. the charge christ makes is to remember who you are and not forget the promise of the cross. that promise has implications for those who are weak, unable, and find a need for the saving power of the blood of jesus. it also has a severe consequence for those who hold to pride so much that they subconsciously refuse the cross' design.

i don't enjoy my sin but i enjoy acknowledging i am one who commits it. this provides much room for the work of the cross to transform me into his image.

come on people...acknowledge you need him today!

marked by faithfulness not vindication

2010-09-22T19:17:00.004+02:00

nothing grows a heart colder to love than lawlessness and injustice. it seems when evil prevails in spite of our prayers and supplications to god for vindication and a righteous king to take his throne on the earth we forget the promises of a faithful and patient god towards our brethren who are in need of grace and mercy. jesus' promise still remains, "the one who endures to the end, he will be saved. this gospel of the kingdom of god shall be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all the nations,..." (matthew 24:12-14).

part 3: stepping out of the goo

2010-09-17T01:29:00.003+02:00

...i have found that there is a lot of demonic activity that is being written and absorbed by our culture (james 3:14-15). not because demons and satan are fun or entertaining but because what is presented as an option by this perverted creature is a picture that to most of us seems ideal. the natural strives for the ideal, do you hear me, STRIVES for the ideal rather than the REAL. the natural will slowly replace reality to many because that is our tendency anyway, to look for the natural as truth. we have been created to search and seek but not search and seek alone but we also hold a capacity to find. we were created with an ability to find, and if you want to be technical, the ability to find our creator. so when self-criticism doesn't exist you have and then further develop a very corrupt idea of reality...at best. for correction i believe, as with everything that separates us from our creator, we acknowledge first, we...are...wrong. stopping here would be foolish rather so after admission then continue in the effort at making right what is wrong. do not misunderstand me you shall never be able to earn your salvation and justification comes only by faith in jesus christ (romans 5:1). you can't fully understand what you can do until you understand what you can't do. i don't care how many times someone preaches phil 4:13. the aspect of your ability flows ONLY from the cross alone; knowing and believing jesus conquered something pretty significant 2000+ years ago which now gives you power. power to do what? to be courageous and say to your flesh...

SHUT UP!!!

the power to say and deny and the power to claim and speak possibility is what "idealists" will say is impossible.

"one of the chief uses of religion is that it makes us remember our coming from darkness, the simple fact that we were created"

-g. k. chesterton

part 2: stepping out of the goo

2010-09-14T00:28:00.003+02:00

...it's not that i think there isn't any opposition or enough criticism or even critical analysis. i believe it is extremely evident in our nations leaders that we have plenty of criticism and opposition...i would say we have a plethora of criticism (for those who appreciate clean comedic relief). even within every facet of every societal function criticism exists into the smallest form. it seems to abound in efforts to expose heresies and hypocrisy in people. so we have plenty of it, except on one level i seem to find that we tip the scale and that level is...self. the word of god is an instrument, i believe, meant to critique every thought, every motive, and every behavior in our existence on a daily basis. whats the problem?...its got to be a daily basis. oh let us return to the god breathed text as authority over our lives and the governor of our hearts.

you might be thinking, "what about those individuals who take scripture, twist, distort, and pollute it by pulling text out to confirm half truths of their own agenda?" absolutely they exist, and they constitute those in whom i am referring who are part of the problem. how about those individuals, i would respond, who should know enough reformation has taken place in order to understand gods ablility to speak to them personally, one on one, so that instead of confirming the heretical lunacy of their pastor/leader/priest they are able to hear from god on their own and follow a true shepherd who follows christ and acknowledging his being the only way? again, we come back to this issue of self-criticism (which, for the record, is NOT the same thing as negative self-talk. i think it is pretty clear throughout scripture that god is not for destructing those whom he has created for himself).

we don't live in a culture where we are to worry about too much self-criticism. quite the contrary, we live in an age where we get what we want when we want it unbeknownst to the effects of its abuse upon our lives. think about how ridiculous it is we can, at the push of a button (ok more like 2 or 3), find out how many starbucks' are within a 5 mile radius. this is in reference to an ability we occupy to live way beyond our means...and why? because we don't critique ourselves.

let us not suppose, as i mentioned briefly before, that by self-criticism i mean we are locked in a dark room with no windows and in a fetal position, or rocking back and forth professing, "woe is me." i mean, reading the word of god, finding his truth, and admitting it needs to correct us. quite possible depression takes root not because of the circumstances alone but because you have tried for fulfillment over and over and over and over and have not found anything to sustain you like god promises his truth would. jesus said this in john 8:31-32 "...if you continue in my word...you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." when you begin to look at things outside the word that have aroma's and elements of truth of god of course it will capture your heart.

to some degree i wonder if not everything created is still god's truth. even the atheist that denies his existence was created by god, no? the decision is of a truth that has been created for them...free will. in addition, if they die without acknowledging christ as lord they then become apart of another known truth that was created by a loving god, hell. by god telling them to depart from him he is righteously hating sin as he has always done even from the beginning of time.

i close with this statement...i am not opposed to literature outside of the bible; i too hope to write a book one day...

part 1: stepping out of the goo

2010-09-09T22:13:00.003+02:00

only because i don't have a mass audience to preach will you hear the rumblings of what god is stirring in my soul

i don't really find it all that absurd that one might believe in the theory of organic evolution, or the idea of our existence merely happenstance. that is "natural" or what i might call "ideal." in opposition, i think about life on this planet and the biblical account where god has strategically placed earth where it is in order for life to even subsist. i dread the summer months had he positioned it one inch closer to the sun. likewise, imagine our plummeting temperature during our winter solstice had this wonderful land been placed slightly away from our natural heater. there is no doubt amongst all communities the earth is in a position that is so unique in all our known solar system that it holds the only element no other planet holds...humanity. my tendency to be drawn to the chance theory of my modernistic counterpart and their unique case when it tickles my curious funny bone. much has been concluded concerning life on other planets in our solar system. the distinctiveness of earth makes me wonder what the big deal is. how come earth displays such uniqueness? what makes it so great? i would "naturally" conclude nothing. which makes the "per chance" theory seem so plausible and real.

so realistically, what i find is that science can't solve this issue. because the focal point should be on humanity and not the environment/location. meaning, naturally, if you deny an influence with a higher power this will close a door to any possibility, whether desired or not, of understanding there is more to us than location. so absolutely there is no reason to wonder why a naturalist would seek organic evolution as an explanation of the origin of the earth. this is STILL the age old philosophical inquiry of man and his purpose. the truth about science, besides it NOT being the enemy of faith, is that it will give us mortal/finite/transient/perishable entities a limited glimpse of a current reality that will barely even fit into our current scope. it has no antidote for diseases, sufferings, death, or psychological abnormalities. if this seems to not be true please buy tomorrows newspaper and/or watch the evening news. things aren't necessarily getting better. modernism, which birthed much of what we find in our journals of health today, is only what we say it will be, due to empirical research on ourselves as subjects. in 150 years a different, regurgitated, heretical ideology that has was breathed from the mind of satan long ago will be reintroduced in a different pretty painted package, permeating society in depth.

the issue then is not a scientific one but a spiritual one. i like g. k. chesterton's way of putting it, "there are some people, nevertheless i am one of them, who think the most practical thing about a man is still his view of the universe." rightly put, if there were not a god there would not be an atheistic mindset to have to try and deny the truth of his existence. i find myself embracing all the more this so called "game." god's riddles and unanswered entities are far more satisfying and enjoyable to pursue than anything man has thought he has been able to answer or solidify. i know man to be finite that is all. how are we to judge what part of the story we are in when our supreme text (the bible) seems to place our redeemer's actions in the middle of his story, not at the beginning as we would have hoped, nor at the end as most epics carry out. we have no way of knowing where we are or at what point we find ourselves. so i end this segment with one question that will continue on in the next entry...

i find the real issue is not whether evolution is right or wrong but rather who is quicker to admit they are finite, and who is willing to admit they are defective outside a moment in which they have been caught in such defective behavior?

an accusation in need of grace

2010-09-01T17:08:00.004+02:00

it is absolutely amazing how god, even in his instruction to leaders and their dealings with backsliding individuals, finds a way to correct and reinstate within the accusers the amazing restoration he has designed for their lives.

take note:

1 timothy 5:21-22 (nasb)

21) i solemnly charge you in the presence of god and of christ jesus and of his chosen angels, to maintain these principles without bias, doing nothing in a spirit of partiality

22) do not lay hands upon anyone too hastily and thereby share in the responsibility for the sins of others; keep yourself free from sin

to hastily of an accusation and sentencing confirms, in others, certain entitlements. in other words, it allows accusations to not be properly nor biblically processed. there is a responsibility in leaders handling of certain individuals that even in their way of dealing with them they help correct and rebuke the sin in the accusers. This is profound in that it brings forth restoration in those accusers by no means of their own efforts. proving once again, through another type of relationship, the amazing gospel dispensation for all of those who would receive the gift of our heavenly father.

father forgive us for hastily judging, accusing, and laying hands upon individuals who are meant to reveal in us a part of our own need of your saving grace.

living and active and sharper

2010-08-31T23:47:00.004+02:00

one of the most terrifying things about reading the word of god is that it is bound to unmask the heart. i firmly believe the word of god intends on illuminating reality, "including the reality of the human heart, and such light sometimes causes pain, something humans are inherently disposed to avoid."

"if there were not so many illusions and self-deceptions, certainly everyone would admit as i do: i hardly dare to be alone with god's word."

-søren kierkegaard

hey numbers guy

2010-08-19T23:32:00.003+02:00

wisdom says: leave success ratings to god, and live your christianity as a religion of faithfulness rather than an idolatry of achievement

-j.i.packer

how do you know

2010-08-11T17:42:00.005+02:00

the young man said to him, "all of these things i have kept; what am i still lacking?"

matthew 19:20

as i read this today i thought to myself, how does the young man know he is lacking? jesus hasn't even given any instruction that would cause him to question his personal motive. jesus actually spells out the answer for him to which the young man genuinely felt he has accomplished these things. my rationale would tell me that if the answer to my question of eternal life were things i had already been practicing i would have left it at that, no? does it seem strange that the young man was not at peace, in his heart, with the efforts thus far for eternal life? simply put...his spirit told him he was lacking. somehow in some way he knew he was aware he still lacked something else. i wonder if the young man actually believed in the goodness of the god he felt like he had obeyed his entire life. that might be where jesus wanted to press on him...his unawakened heart to the lovingkindness of the lord. it seems apparent in his lifestyle that his attempts to achieve eternal life are through the empire he builds on earth. maybe he thinks god will take notice of his amazing capability to acquire such financial gain and resources and feels god would certainly not be able to do without him. he gives his heart of understanding away in two areas:

1. when jesus corrects his (young ruler) position on what is good

- if he really knew god, and not of him, he would have known of god's abounding in lovingkindness and the design for those in need of that divine love

2. he cannot sell his possessions

- his grief, in verse 22, is a noticeable mark of an event in his life he cannot let go of

- one grieves because something has happened (loss, trauma, etc)

- the young man sees his possessions as a greater loss than his eternal life (this in itself will grieve any individual, especially one seeking truth)

- the young man's grief will lead him to a choice that he will inevitably have to make

i believe this is the place god wants us all. are you going to admit what you want will not sustain, in order for him (god) to give you what he wants you to have. we come to that crossroad, sometimes daily, sometimes not as much. nevertheless, god uses the crossroad to show the value of the choice, his for us and ours for him.

keep pursuing the truth and when you feel grieved over something ask god for strength to choose what he would want you to choose for growth and maturity.

can you pay for your sin?

2010-08-05T23:11:00.003+02:00

so if one chooses not to believe that jesus paid the bill for their sin. is the inevitable reality that comes, a bill unto which that person pays it in hell?

just a thought as i read about the heidelberg catechism.

confusion to the cross

2010-07-20T18:00:00.006+02:00

matthew 16:1-

the pharisees and sadducees came up, and testing jesus, they asked him to show them a sign from heaven

...jesus is that sign (hebrews 1:1-3). he is the man in which they seem confused. my thought is that god is not the author of confusion but rather uses it for his glory. god creates, sin distorts/perverts/confuses, and god then begins his perfection process of what has been altered. the mind is attacked as our adversary continues to go around and seek one whom he may devour (1 peter 5:8). once the mind has been infiltrated, which is the case for all of us, access to the heart is easily attainable. what brought this about was the fracture that the universe suffered as a result of the fall...meaning my sin, and yours. this made and continues to make confusion possible. even the the thinking of godly things has the possibility to be corrupt due to the nature of who we are (romans 1). this, in part, explains the confusion of the pharisees to be not led by god to see his part in perfecting what had been damaged but instead maintaining and promoting confusion by asking jesus to show a sign. in other words "work your magic to prove yourself true," asking jesus to do something outside the character, and more importantly the will, of god to prove he is from god and valid. this proves to be an irrational request for god. it's like asking, "can god create a rock so big he cannot lift it?" on the one hand if he can create a rock so big he can't lift it he is not all-powerful; if he cannot create a rock so big he cannot lift it he is not all-powerful. my response is...dumb. a dumb question. so how does god answer a dumb question? i thought about what must have been going through jesus' head as he heard this request. c.s. lewis has this to say about such a scenario, "can a mortal ask questions which god finds unanswerable? quite easily, I should think. all nonsense questions are unanswerable." how is the clay to ask the potter why did you make me as this (isaiah 45:9)? so what brings about such a question? surely a sign from god does nothing but confuse further an individual who has no basis or intent of wanting to be set free from any confusion to begin with. take notice of our empathetic and compassionate high priest, who must endure at some point in his life a fraction of confusion in order to answer the way he did in verses 2-4. the pharisees are worshippers of themselves to the extreme measure. take notice of the individuals, namely jesus' disciples, who are in no other position as the pharisees as we find them also to be confused. jesus calls out their confusion as he reminds them of the miraculous works that have already been seen. the disciples are reminded and yet do not seem to fall away into a further confused state, as the pharisees, but are drawn closer to jesus even by their confusion as to who christ might really be. he reminds them that it is the aim of those who are worshippers of themselves (pharisees) to sustain corruption by questioning those who draw close to god in order to find out what he (god) says about their (disciples) confusion.

2 cor. 5:17

if anyone is in christ, he (that one in christ) is a new creature

matthew 16:24

to be in christ is first and foremost, denying yourself. taking your cross, and carrying it, which in itself, at times, seems to be confusing, no? and follow him (jesus). jesus' death doesn't remove the confusion of following him, on the contrary it enhances the value of following him.

so i say be glad you have confusion at times. this confusion is your cross which motivates you to put to death all that leads you away from christ. follow him, confusion births questions and the hope is that we would bring those to him and let him reveal himself in his due time to answer those questions. he will at times remind you of his work which he has done, and at other times he will orchestrate new wonders right before your eyes. sometimes these will reveal inside you even more questions, this is good as you continue to look to god for answers.

why i need older people

2010-07-06T19:39:00.003+02:00

there are times in my life when i wish i had the mentorship of an older individual to confirm what i am thinking. to listen to my ideas, to admonish my undisciplined activity, to encourage the train of thought, and to show and teach me responsibility. i love talking about the church, theology, philosophy, and righteously debating issues with those who share the faith. it gets complicated with those who DON'T share the faith.

right at this moment i know i have people who, if they had to, would move their schedules around so we could talk periodically about the mentioned things. right now i am craving objective "older" person dialogue. the key being objective. i have a lot of things that are going through my head that i want to discuss with a wiser being but yet not as wise as god.

shell shocked

2010-06-23T22:42:00.002+02:00

what sort of things do you think work?

what sort of things need to change?

what sort of things are, quite frankly, doing more harm than good?

what things can make a difference if consistently applied?

most importantly...to what are these questions referring? i believe in checking behaviors and re-checking them to maybe find where something will have a damaging effect, if not at least an undesirable one. i believe i see from this angle much more than not. i view my life thru this lens. because of this i feel as though it helps me bear fruit, as john put it, in keeping with repentance. it does this by quickly showing me that i will in fact choose myself all the time unless i get a second opinion, or better yet the word of god.

i think being this way enables me to take a road of skepticism i have never ventured before. i have shared my thoughts on this before, just not on this medium. to see something and wait for its completion, then wait for reaction, then wait for the reaction to the reaction all the while observing without displaying the slightest emotion as to take a side is a unique attribute. do i posses it? i think so but who am i to make that judgement?

i am thinking of what can only be described as a shell shocked church and their lack of application to this principle. this is the church that has one thing in mind...converts. this is to point to the tremendous growth (if it comes). this is the church with no plan for people after a true decision has been made to follow christ. this is the church that wants to make jesus cool for the masses of which whom already believe that he (jesus) is irrelevant to society at large. everything becomes very cute once the motto has become "lets get you saved, lets get you coming," but, again, with no real plan on transforming the heart. this church sets me off. i feel sometimes i am surrounded by this plasticity, living in the bible belt, that lends itself to religious compromise at the expense of what jesus came to die for. anyone with me?

an evening with metal

2010-06-03T18:46:00.003+02:00

you may or may not recall moments when i was on staff at shady grove church. during those moments i had the opportunity to develop friendships with a small population known only as the metal heads. the majority of their existence in 1829 was in the years we had our service in the old building. one or two of them kept coming around for a little while but slowly they drifted out of the wednesday night scene. why or why not is not the point of this entry and quite frankly we could debate all day on why people fall out of church or how to trick up programs to make them more enjoyable for numbers sake and longevity. i honestly, think about those guys every now and then and think about what seeds i sowed that are bearing fruit now. it is the whole shoulda coulda woulda syndrome. i think a lot of our connection stemmed from the fact that i, for a season, felt obligated to relate to a particular crowd in 1829 that i simply did not want to relate to. i didn't want to listen to rap to fit in, i didn't want to play basketball, i didn't want to make lame jokes to amuse them. kind of like throwing anything up in the air hoping it will stick and that nothing will fall back down for me to have to dodge. when this "metal head" crew showed up there was a connection that presented a legitimate challenge for me in my "talents." i welcomed it and can recall a few times getting burned out, not because of them but because of me and my over indulgence in duty. but thru it all i loved that crew because it represented a new chapter in 1829 that i didn't remember seeing before, at least before i was on staff. but with the closing of the era for the metal heads years ago i currently find my thoughts concerning them in a state similar to mr oscar shindler towards the end of the movie of shindlers list...i could have done more. so when i check my phone messages yesterday afternoon after work i wasn't expecting to hear one of them defeated, broken, and desperately seeking an ear to talk to. i ceased the moment and took advantage, only this time, i thought it wise to think about what things i didn't do with them years ago and what i could do now with this opportunity. i called him and told him i would come to his house pick him up and bring him back to my house. my intent was to allow him whatever he needed. this means if he wanted to talk, he could talk; if he didn't want to talk, we wouldn't; if he wanted to swim, we would swim; if he wanted to eat food, we would eat the amazing food my wife made last night (another blog entry is needed for that fabulous feast she cooked up). i thought it best to not make him do anything. i sensed that quite possibly at this particular point and time in his life, being made to do things he didn't want to do, was all that was going on in his life. so, simplistically thinking, i felt that even in our conversation i would let him talk, let him lead, let him guide, let him voice any frustration concerning any issue. in doing this, i would give him the validation he needed...

that he matters

regardless of what he has done or has not done.

my overwhelming sense is that when people are not affirmed or accepted they will do things to bring acceptance to their life, we all have done it. these things we do are advantageous in some ways and detrimental to our emotional health in others. but thru them we find validation for who we are and so sometimes it's easy to find comfort in intimate encounters physically with others. likewise, heroine has a way of relieving pressure that has not been relieved in relationships...which is where i believe god has intended. these examples are obviously disadvantageous to our well-being, any way you slice it. so any behavior, good or bad, black or white, brings notification. no such thing as bad pr, right? one of the problems you may find is that as a whole, society will more than likely respond with greater depth to those things that are very disadvantageous for the well-being of an individual. it's hard to pinpoint the good and truly commend others consistently. it's natural, a cop never pulls you over and tells you he thinks you are doing great for going the speed limit, or that he loved that you made a complete stop at the stop sign back there. no, we pay particular attention to when an individual does something wrong. you never call a meeting to discuss the great direction of the company or to discuss the smooth flowing legislation of a particular protocol. they are never the focal point...that is the fractured icon's we are. this, i feel, is what has plagued my metal head friend who was in a state of desperation. my response has to be very careful because of the rejection this kid has already experienced for only god knows how long. my desires were all about me, not him:

unconditional regard

esteeming him
giving him extreme amounts of worth even without knowing the situation
showing respect for his needs not because he did or didn't earn or deserve it but because he is a human being
i wanted to only observe him...and when you are observing, you are not talking or thinking of a response

compassion

i wanted sympathy for him, i wanted sorrow for his misfortune. however, i didn't want him to have to see me trying to feel those things
the smallest cue could trigger rejection, especially if they have never been taught how to have an adjusted personality but have, instead, lived maladjusted their whole life
it can be said like this: if a child doesn't engage in any activity w/ something you provide, and you provide something else and state something like, "maybe you would like to play/do something else." as an "adjusted" child they may hear options, which are good, but as a maladjusted child what is heard is their desire to not engage is disappointing to that person who is providing. this is communicated as rejection.
i cannot have compassion without a strong desire to alleviate the suffering
i cannot have a strong desire to alleviate the suffering without a truly deep feeling of sympathy and sorrow for the misfortune

compassion = action to alleviate suffering = sympathetic and sorrowful

at the end of the night i hoped he was able to find one person he could talk to and could listen to him. i don't even feel he wanted me to give him direction or tell him what to do. he wanted me to hear him explain what he was going thru and that he missed god. i hope i was able to validate him in his experience and be a representation of a god who loves him to the point of death.

be apart of something that will do something to help someone somewhere

2010-05-31T02:15:00.003+02:00

some of you know i love to help people. especially those who may not seem to be able to help themselves. i am in love with the thought of growing up in the south and seeing myself during the united states' most troubled moments of racial tension. i pray that if i grew up during the heated and tense moments of the civil rights movement i would have been an individual who stood for the freedoms of black people and other minorities. i think of the atrocities that occurred, i think of the heros that made today possible, and i wish i would have been able to provide further assistance. i had one of those moments in belgium this last trip. most of you know my wife and i took our youngest son titus across the atlantic to visit our good friends and ministry partners of ninth hour this last month. we learned still yet of what god desires of us in our journey thru his wonderful world we call life. attached is a song that captivates me in such a way that i feel time travel is possible. i travel back in time and right everything that went wrong. i correct all the mistakes that we now reap the consequences of such actions. the song is entitled emancipation and i know i have shared of its brilliance before. it captures all that i wish to be able to write and record in music someday. upon this latest trip to belgium i was able to minister inside an apartment that was meant for teaching prostitutes and those forced against their will to work in the sex industry in antwerp. all i accomplished was the assembly of a cabinet that will be used for storage. it was cheap, somewhat easy to assemble (minus the language problem), and it was from ikea. yet upon completion i found myself yearning for more and a desire that was comparable to that feeling i get when i think of "civil rights activist zach." i longed for the freedom of those bound against their will and even those who are fooled into thinking this is what they want, but you know that if they were presented with another "way" they would gladly accept.

it was burned in me

it was engraved in me

and i find that upon further research i too can be apart of something that will do something to help someone somewhere. i found this organization called payoke and upon reading i found them describing their immediate effort was to provide emancipation for those used in trafficking for sex. and would you believe it they are located right in antwerp, only an hours drive from brussels. this continues to ring inside my head. i can't let it go. i feel as though my services to offer, considering my educational background, provide me with an enormous amount of potential. i believe god has expanded my horizons.

look out november...emancipation is on its way.

in reference to the mouth

2010-04-29T17:54:00.003+02:00

i wouldn't say i am scared of the dentist but i certainly am not excited and don't lose sleep like i would if it were, say christmas eve. i really don't have any horror stories about the dentist. i remember having to have 7 teeth pulled one time when i was in jr. high. this was to prepare for braces. i remember friends who would always talk about how the dentist/orthodontist screwed them up and how their teeth are messed up forever now. i hear the stories of the dentist like a car mechanic who seems to make things up in order for you to buy something that seems reasonable for you mouth. i have never had those problems. i go to a place in las colinas, his name is dr. henegar. i rarely see him personally, actually. i think there are some small things that might change the feel of going to the dentist, as i am sure many fear the dentist, if there were ethics that could be broached.

1. the breath situation

i am always self-conscious about the odor projecting from the orifice that is being examined (in reference to the mouth). i can't help but feel that the protective mask so many hygienists use is not for any other reason but to protect their noses upon the first whiff. this is because i see some hygienists wear one and some don't. i too feel some what protected from them in the event of their morning latte and bagel desiring to make another appearance. i don't know if anyone worries as much as i do about this. are there any solutions to comfort the fear? i think one great solution is to have a good laugh about it. maybe talk about what the other person might be smelling if in fact odor seems to make the eye twitch a little, which is all to noticeable. i tend to reassure my hygienists that i did in fact brush profusely in order to eradicate any odor. this makes me feel better. it helps that my hygienist seems to have been doing this line of work for years so i am sure out of all those people she has seen in her history my breath is most likely not in the top 10 of the smelliest.

2. the waiting situation

seriously, magazines and t.v.'s are ok but lets make sure that just because the office is full of women that an option might be given to a man to not have to sit thru 1 hour of regis and kelly. i don't really care about your cd with your wife, nor do i imagine that it is good anyway. i don't care about which celebrity that has recently been voted off dancing with the stars can be on your show and dance with hot guys or girls, so please, please can we change the channel.

3. the chairs

i haven't done a whole lot of research but i would think that with all this advancement in technology there would be in some catalogue somewhere an enhanced chair for the comfort of the patient. i am not very comfortable in the chair which combined with the overhead light makes me feel like i am in some alien ship on a table being probed for understanding of my body. i could not be anymore uncomfortable even if i was completely naked. the arm rests are a step in the right direction but still yet the support for the back and arse is lacking.

4. mirrors

maybe the majority of individuals would rather not see the monstrosity that is happening within the framework of their mouth but i for one want to know what is going on. i think of the dentist as a cop. the cop as we all know is the instrument of the law that is actively showing people what they are doing wrong. the dentist is in my mouth scraping, drilling, flossing, cleaning, washing, poking, and i have no clue as to what is taking place. so if he is consistent with my perception, and policing my mouth, i think i have somewhat of a need to know what i am doing wrong. notice i said "need" and not "right." we won't get into why if feel right should not take precedent over need. bottom line...i wanna know whats goin on buddy!

5. informed consent

i think it should be part of the duty of any hygienist to inform said patient of particles that might be societal disgusts. in other words, if i got a booger hanging from my left nostril swinging from hair to hair like tarzan on his way to rescue jane, i want to know so i don't go further humiliating myself in society. at the moment the chair begins to fall back, so that ALL is in view, the hygienist should thereby be deputized as a "good friend," who looks with compassion upon her/his patients flaws that are very capable of being remedied. so just break the ice and let them know, as in observation 1 with the breath, that they are actually encouraged to not just pull out unwanted particles on the teeth but anything else that might be within the reach of that little poker thinga-ma-jig.

i have made my dentist aware of all these, or at least the hygienist. things are a lot smoother upon each visit. and i know she is not freaked out because i see the same one over and over and have never been suspicious of her trying to dump me onto the recently graduated intern who is looking for anyone to prove she has what it takes to last years in this business.

motivational fear

2010-04-27T22:14:00.005+02:00

i am freaking out, on the inside. the nce (national counselor examination) is a huge exam i must take that is given by the state of texas in order to become eligible for a license to counsel. i received my confirmation number on friday night and lay in bed thinking about how this was going to be possible. i mean passing. i hear from the most supportive people in my life that i will "do great," and "don't worry." i think about how divine many of my advances have truly been. i won't go into detail here but lets just say some strings have been pulled in order to get me at this position. or that is the way i see it anyway. i think about my study habits and how i have been removed from the education system for 6 months now. i think about at what level is my dependence on god to provide supernatural intellect realistically not practical. i believe he provides and that he sustains and that he orders one's steps but i don't think about how the intensity of my laziness influences to whatever degree my outcome. i wonder at what level i am being lazy. am i being lazy at all? does this make sense to anyone else? you feel that perhaps you have studied and think to yourself, "i know this!" but then there is that small voice that says "it's gonna to take supernatural interference to pull ya outta this one" i fear, bottom line, i fear. i fear that i will not pass and will have to take it again. i fear what perception others might have if i can't gain a passing grade. i fear what people might think if they know i want to be an effective counselor and yet according to the state, i am anything but an effective counselor. i struggle to make an allowance for the possibility of failure. my mind races to think of what i could do if i fail the test. i do not enjoy retail. i repeat...i do NOT enjoy retail. in the long run i am moving to belgium, so consequently, does it really matter? for my personality, it matters to the fullest extent.

i remember buying my miniature moleskin for the purpose of writing down great quotes, philosophical ideas, scriptures with life-changing implication, and small thoughts that would alter the course of humanity. i can remember one of the entries which came after a session with an individual who admitted to being surrounded with fearful thoughts. i was wondering if there was any usage of fear and if in fact it had any qualities of being good. i remember finding out that fear is used to motivate and yet when you try and partner with it you will find yourself alone most of the time. fear of failure has the ability to drive me to study to be prepared in this particular situation and yet if i were to partner with fear too long i might find that negative prophecy will dictate my thoughts. one of the quotes related, i can remember, hearing from FDR, "the only thing to fear is fear itself." i believe fear has its purpose in a proper context. fear as a secondary emotion can really do some great things to motivate people to accomplish goals and increase vision (the good from the bad mentality). however, let me issue the encouragement to anyone thinking fear is great to motivate others. it is not. fear is able to motivate only the individual who finds themselves seeking change. in other words, fear tactics are not really benefitting anyone. i will say this as an example: heaven is not a place for those who fear hell. so preachers who use it are not benefitting anyone but only revealing the depths of their own soul...fear as their ally.

determined for death

2010-04-20T17:37:00.009+02:00

liz and i set out on a weekend of camping at robbers cave in oklahoma this past weekend. i am sure liz will blog about this sometime in the near future. i can't tell you how manly i felt. i can't tell you how excited i was to go into an unknown place without any previous knowledge of how to do the "camping thing." i can't tell you how excited i was to know the only familiar entity was my wife with me. well, i guess i knew how to start a fire. that is one of those things boys learn how to do when they are young. we sent out a message on facebook to anyone who had some camping gear we may be able to borrow, seeing as i we don't have any. some great people of our church cory and rhonda woods responded and supplied us with enough to start our own town if we wanted.

i packed that little subaru to its brim. i mean sleeping bags, pots, pans, firewood, tent, lanterns, propane tanks, and most importantly phone and ipod chargers. this weekend was going to be AMAZING! that seemed to be the phrase echoing through my mind the whole time as i loaded. friday afternoon 330 was launch time.

i had hoped to be able to leave and still arrive at the camp site with day light. i can always picture doing things in the dark and thinking i never really was able to do anything in the dark. well, we were not able to arrive at robbers cave until close to 10pm. as you can guess...no light. i tried to keep the head lights from the car on the actual campsite til we could set the tent up but the way the road was situated only a little light actually hit the site. the roads to drive were higher than the grounds. i started a fire as soon as possible so this might bring in some light for our viewing pleasure. my mind was set: get the fire going, get the tent up, get the chairs out and set them by the fire, enjoy ourselves by the fire, stay out late and then finally go back to the tent and truly return to natural activity. this was MY plan. the tent we had graciously received had never been assembled by our hands. i honestly, was banking on liz's expertise more so than mine. she grew up in alaska with that outdoor-sy mentality. with no light to actually to see anything the first assembly of the lowrie's tent congregation was not happening that night. suffice to say there was no tent revival. out of no where liz shoots out, "well, lets lay the tarp down and put the sleeping bags on them and sleep outside." i had not even thought of this being a possibility. i didn't want to sleep outside, i wanted to sleep inside a tent. liz was very tired, and i was rapidly approaching that point of give up. you know when you have been working on something and then your fatigue sets in and you reach a point in the mind that this has been far enough and even if you were to attempt any more, you would not achieve what ever it is you are shooting for. that was it for me as well. the excitement let down and then it hit me...i am laying on a tarp in the middle of oklahoma underneath what could be clouds to let down rain at any given moment. i thought this will be ok i guess...

all thru the night i heard noises. raccoons, birds, frogs, and semi's from the not to far off distant road were all periodically entering into the ole drum of the ear. i knew the morning light would wake us and i was praying to god it wasn't the oklahoma rain. my biggest fear upon waking was really to see campers lined up behind liz and i taking photos because we were sleeping outside and not in a tent. i quickly felt the urgency to dispose of the evidence that two individuals slept outside. i regret doing so because liz wanted a picture of our adventure to share with the world. never the less we set up the tent and surprisingly enough it took not even 20 minutes. after the completion of the tent we made breakfast on a propane stove. we mixed turkey sausage, eggs, and cheese. it was very, very, very good. it coupled nicely with our cowboy/camping coffee. as we sat there eyes glazed towards the river less than 20 feet away i realized how awesome it really is to be able to sit down and not have immediate responsibilities. we took a walk in one direction from the site for about 20 min. came back, took a nap, and then started on a hike in the other direction. little did we know our trip's life was determined for death.

as liz and i started our stroll in the opposite direction of the earlier morning hike it began to drizzle. it was nothing to cry about and was barely noticeable. however, it was consistent and lasted for nearly two hours. liz and i talked politics, callings, counseling, and i shared with her some revelation the lord gave me earlier in the week about eagerness and examination. i won't go into detail on the specifics. before we realized it we were headed back in a somewhat harder rainfall. we thought we might want to check the tent to see if there had been water damage. there was just some spots were water was leaking in but not enough for us to begin construction on a log cabin. well the rain was NOT letting up. it wasn't a hard, torrential downpour but it was not being a good host to the native land of oklahoma either. we set a time limit on the rain. it was leaking in more and more. 5 o'clock was the deadline, if had not let up by 5 then we were going to pack it up and head home. at this time it was around 345 and not even as soon as we had set that time limit a drop lands squarely on top of the sleeping bag. that was it, we both had had it. we devised a plan on clean up and effectively succeeded in clean up in a mere 20 minutes.

with everything packed and the little subaru on its way back towards the exit/entrance of the park i though we might just check and see if they have a cabin to rent. they only had a hotel lodge = yuck!!! despite their efforts of getting us to stay by knocking off $30 dollars, we really didn't want to stay in a room with a microwave and mini fridge. we left and decided to head home leisurely. it was a great trip back. i can recall many moments where i made liz laugh and things she said made me laugh hysterically. we stopped at a goodwill because i felt it was a gold mine but the only benefactor of that stop was our son dutch who got 4 shirts. we then stopped at pizza joint in some random town which had music blaring on the speakers inside. it would seem we had stumbled onto christian night at mazzios. they played all christian music, most of which i had never heard. the music was showering cheese and i thought we had enough cheese on our pizza so we got out of there and started back home only to arrive around 930ish. i was promised by my wife that we will indeed go again sans the children. but it also prompted a desire in me to invite friends to attend the next one too.

i will go camping again, oh yes, i will go again and i will stay longer than 24 hours at this next campsite. this i vow...nature has not had its last laugh.

3:10 to fatherhood

2010-03-11T18:32:00.003+01:00

upon watching 3:10 to yuma i found a chord was struck in my heart that left my pillow drenched in tears and my heart searching for consolation. this chord was the chord of desire for my son's to see me as great in their life. this chord was struck and echoed loudly inside my life, at its current state, and thoughts of the future relationship that only time would tell. as the tears fell my heart was ignited by a different fire that seemed unfamiliar to my previous burning experiences. and this was my thought:

i want my sons to want me. i desire them to appreciate me. i desire to be the answer to the question of strongest influence in their life. when the question posed as to who their role model/hero is, i would hope that their answer would, uninhibitedly, without a shadow of doubt, be me. i can't even imagine waking up tomorrow and one of my sons not. death and physical separation scares me and thinking about how i have one more day with them prompts my praise to the ever lasting father. i can't even imagine waking up 10 years from now and just the same, emotionally dead, unengaged w/ my boys. i fear that as much as i fear natural death or separation from them. dutch could not tell you what an emotional connection would be or how to achieve it. he only knows how to manifest behavior to inform me when he is not getting a connection. the realization to its form and appearance comes with age and yet, the longing and desire seems to increase, and still yet, fulfillment comes in different forms and avenues. he keeps me guessing. he keeps me watching and looking to see if he is in need is a better way to say it. one of the scenes in the movie has the lead character, dan evans, in a situation where he could potentially be bought out of the situation. his response to the $200 buy off is, "you know, this whole ride...it's been egging on me. that's what the government gave me for my leg - $198.36 and the funny thing is that...when you think about it, which i have been lately, is they weren't paying me to walk away, they were paying me so they could walk away."

i sit back and contemplate how many fathers actually pay attention to their kids so their kids can walk away feeling satisfied. or do the fathers pay attention so they can walk away feeling satisfied. just 5 minutes here and there seems to suffice the fathers belief that they have properly vested enough into their child. how gravely the wake up call will be 10 years time when they have emotionally been dead to their child causing a vast separation that seems hopeless in repair.

how divine god must really be in his search for his son's to see him as great! and his errors are not as our earthly father's consistently promise...he is always reaching to connect to us for our sakes.

03/04

2010-03-04T23:19:00.003+01:00

{03/04/04}

look at the truth of our own mistakes bringing our knees to the cross in this entry i found from my past.

i feel i have opened the door to certain things and in this the enemy has moved in and allowed more "things" to take over my life. i feel james 4:4-10 discusses my conclusion. lord cleanse my hands and purify my heart so i may be humbled before you. miserable i feel, miserable and weak do i feel. and i want this feeling to humiliate me.

i am not sure what the "thing" was but in reality it makes no difference. the issue was with the heart being lured into idolatry. the passage in james is the firm declaration of the jealousy of god. i love this as it starts in vs. 4 calling me an adulteress. then hitting me with the awareness of god's broken heart of jealousy towards my actions and doing what he does best to draw us in to him.

{03/04/09}

this was in part of a message i was working on concerning purity.

romans 6:19
before christ we used our bodily members/agents to walk in unrighteousness. now, because of the death and resurrection we now use those members to pursue righteousness.
sin management mode
controlling sin - "i won't do that anymore," or "i will abstain from that"
sin is put to death by beholding christ more and more
paul is saying instead of using the members of the body to try and manage sin, chase righteousness with those very members.

i continue to be amazed at the place god has brought me through the cleansing power of his cross. and the emphasis continues to be on what he has done.

03/02/05

2010-03-02T16:13:00.003+01:00

i was able to dig out some of my journal entries from when i started journaling. this one was on this day in '05:

i wanna sing a new song oh lord. a song of a new hope. a song of new revelation. a song of new destiny for this generation. a song of desperation to grow in our faith and confidence in you the unfailing god. so i praise you oh lord. i give you honor and a word beyond recognition. i pray your face and name would be known beyond the recognition of who we know you to be (meaning a deeper revelation of him). more than what we have known. more than what we have tasted, more than what we have seen. a song of new glory. the some anointing grace but in a new way. lord prepare me oh lord for this song of glorification to you.

awaken me oh god to your peace and give me a hope that this glory in which we sing about would fall through the heavens and hit us like a violent wave of the ocean hits the land. let us not be able to contain it and let it be so intoxicating to where we choose to jump in and be soaked by your presence.
oh lord break me
oh lord break me
oh lord break me
oh lord break me
oh lord break me
oh lord break me

heavy stuff even for me now at this point. i can't really remember what it was i was going thru or was praying about but none the less i know god was doing something.

wrath 2

2010-03-01T19:07:00.002+01:00

i think we limit our understanding of god and his awesome power when we cloak him with the anthropomorphic language we commonly use for him. we get this from seeing responses of others and even in the church these attributes are all to often not different from the pagan societies we are quick to slander. the tendency is to look at human attributes and because man is the closest creation to god's likeness we accredit what man accomplishes in his emotions to the likeness of god. this is a problem. because we are a fallen race and although an image of our creator a broken and fractured icon at best.

but when scripture speaks of god anthropomorphically, it does not imply that the limitations and imperfections which belong to the personal characteristics of us sinful creatures belong also to the corresponding qualities in our holy creator; rather, it takes for granted that they do not

so this explains that god's responses and actions are not the same motives and findings you might find in many of the actions amongst the created man. it's not foolish, immoral, impulsive retribution as you would find amongst your peers. it is always a right and a necessary response or reaction to moral evil, thus god's anger is only present when righteously warranted. i pose this question as j. i. packer states, would a god who took as much pleasure in evil as he did in good be a good god? god's wrath is always judicial and therefore a righteous judge administering justice. which is what we ferociously pray for?

wrath 1

2010-02-28T22:42:00.002+01:00

i have always wanted to be able to explain the wrath of god in ways that made sense to unbelievers and believers alike. in the times we live, when one speaks of god, it has been my experience that there is so much reaction that is quite different from the next. you have many camps of beliefs in a god just not the one i am referring to. there are some who really could care less because their view of god is that he does not exist...or at least i think they want to believe he does not exist but truly in their heart they know he does. there are some who believe in god and hold to the gospel according to oprah. this is the thought that all roads lead to your heavenly creator and no one path is more righteous than the next. there are some who believe in god but when it comes to issues that are familiar with the fallen state of humanity they could not believe a god who would have an adverse affect to sin. in other words, they choose to not see god as a "hater," but rather a lover of all things even the very immorality they so choose to indulge. then there are some who are quite and completely different than what we hear about in the mainstream media and they are the fundamentalists who build compounds, foster many children through many wives and are unwavering believers in god's eventual wrath that is meant to annihilate the existence of man...except for them of course. but for me, i believe it is real, i believe there is and will be judgement, i believe also that god's incarnation made atonement and even though the debt cannot be cleared, it has been paid for. so what should be said for the wrath of god?

"to an age which has unashamedly sold itself to the gods of greed, pride, sex and self-will, the church mumbles on about god's kindness but says virtually nothing about his judgement."

i know the church has been destined to be many things in the communities in which they are represented. that being said, it is funny to find many changing their very identity to reflect that of the community. if leadership desires monetary status planting a church in a financially respected district seems practical. likewise, a desire for a thriving spanish speaking community will not prove to be advantageous if it seeks to establish the congregation in anchorage alaska. this convinces me that despite my desire for the church to be one what i view as one comes in another form. i have no desire to be apart of a brazilian church. so i will trust the leaders of the brazilian congregations will hear from god for their church and what they do at this particular juncture does not concern me. but even though the image of the church changes on the outside, (whether that is viewed as righteous or not is not what i find important here in this post) i do believe that the teaching of the all powerful god in the inside remains constant for the entire body of christ. that means from the conception in acts 2 til now, the principles of god and all his attributes DO NOT CHANGE for his bride.

i guess the two characteristics or the attributes i would like to discuss are god's anger, wrath, and fury and that of his love and tenderness. some might say the two are not mutually exclusive. i would whole heartedly agree. but as it is what i have seen of the church, i find that it is not equally represented, therefore giving me the suggestion that they ARE in fact different. so when the already confused individual who has endured tribulation his whole life is presented with god as an option, the imagery of the choice is chocolate or brussels sprouts. who in their right mind would choose brussels sprouts? however you read the bible to understand who god is you might find it interesting that a study of the concordance will show that there are more references to god's wrath and anger than there are to his love and tenderness. "the bible labors the point that just as god is good to those who trust him, so he is terrible to those who do not."

dumb animals

2010-02-12T18:55:00.011+01:00

the art of hospitality may seem simplistic. sadly, however, it is not. the common mistake so many handily make is not on the extension side but rather on the receiving side. as a recipient of gracious hospitality on this wonderful island of guadeloupe i have observed not that the ambassadors of the church are extremely humble, gracious, and unselfish. trust me they are all of those qualities. but rather what steps i must take to further strengthen the relationship. it would be just like an american from the united states to expect this type of hospitality. and maybe there are some who feel they do not deserve such gracious service. maybe yet still there are some who believe they are in no way going to allow someone to carry their bags for them, open car doors, provide all the meals, and drive them wherever they want when ever they want. hospitality is culturally bound. in the united states, men may open the door for women...maybe. there is a degree of respect in the united states for difference in gender which provokes one to be hospitable and serve others. even still in europe, the cultures are very similar but i have noticed in observance of a guests arrival and the proper procedures upon dinner, or eating of any meal, is to wait and stand upon arrival of said guest. maybe you don't do these things, or if your european and they seem unfamiliar, it is not because it doesn't happen it is because your understanding of hospitality is limited to your experience and external teaching. i am not different in this educational process. i too don't follow all of the cultural norms and etiquette as close or as much as i should towards my fellow man. so the challenge i am presented with in this country is very real.

previously in trips of invitation, or being a guest of honor, the way i am treated is very very very wonderful. i could say about every place i have been, "this is the most hospitable country i have ever traveled!" i am forced, upon conversation with my common friends, to reveal how i was received and treated and i truly and honestly could not say that is was different than other times i have traveled. i do not want to say it was better there, or it was better in this place, or that. gods design of hospitality was not mean to be a one sided avenue. there is a response that must be given. in what form i am not sure of but in my most recent experience i believe it requires my attention to how my comment or response to hospitality will change the dynamic of the relationship. i know an example is needed here.

those that are hosting me in this church speak french...i do not, yet. what i have noticed is that if i mention i like something, or mention i would like to go to a location we might notice an immediate detour for that location. this is the urgency and desire of service that these people have on their hearts. is it gifting, or is it trained? i mention a good wine that i favored and the very next day i would find it gift wrapped for me to take home. one evening volcanic ash covered the ground quite similar to the snow fall i had missed in texas. as we approached the building to the church for the service you could anticipate an individual with an umbrella ready to usher us in without one spot of ash on our person.

it spoke to me. it yelled at me. it upper cut me in the face. the moment i thought this service was not real and would give way to true human character of self seeking i was awestruck with another exhibition of humility. the most endearing lesson i have ever learned. these people followed there orders given without question, or if they questioned they petitioned it to god...and not the pastor. look at yourself. look at your service. i am well aware of faults of my leaders and i am well aware of what i would like things to look like or how i think they should run. to have a shepherd who you follow without question is not to deny your ability, on the contrary, you will not be anybody significant without a shepherd to guide you. to question your leader reveals a great deal of distrust and insecurity in your own heart in the god you claim to serve. we all have an issue with submission. and i mean we all do. i know leaders mislead, take advantage, misguide, and give horrible counsel quite regularly. especially in this wonderfully blessed nation we live in we find that what we value as freedom actually gives credentials for a great deal of misguided leadership an opportunity to flourish and further create a hard heart amongst other selfish people. this creates dissension inside the church which has root in every congregation and feeds the philosophy of independence. it's message resounds from every corner. if you want to be anybody you must do it on your own. this is not the kingdom i so hope to be apart. we all like sheep have gone astray. and if i have learned anything about sheep in my study i have learned that sheep are dumb animals who need guiding.

the lord is my shepherd, i shall not want.

he makes me lie down in green pastures;

he leads me beside quiet waters.

he restores my soul;

he guides me in the path of righteousness

for his name's sake

faith challenged by my 2 year old

2010-01-24T04:56:00.002+01:00

moments with dutch are becoming better and better. every now and then he will exert this charge of energy that he has never exhibited before. i am amazed at some of the things he is capable of doing on his own. he is really good at identifying all kinds of trucks, from trash trucks to tankers. his vocabulary is expanding rapidly and it is becoming so much easier to communicate with him. i wish they came out of the womb able to communicate effectively. i mean, at least at a 2 year old level that would be just as good and i would be satisfied. i do think it is a strategy or a plan designed by the great developer of mankind that babies are incapable of conveying what it is they want. it requires the parents to invest not just hands, money, or time, but ears, eyes, and patience, which are among the most underrated attributes amongst parents in their rearing of children. i am certainly not the cream of the crop. i owe most, if not all, to my wonderful wife. liz has invested much and selflessly given all the while maintaining control over her frustration at a child who will not just shut up and go to sleep already (note: that is my description of what is going on and NOT endorsed by liz).

i secretly have my vested interest in my children. there are certain things i will not hold back in revealing to them. this conviction is a direct response of the understanding of the continual fallen state if the hebrews. reading the older testament i see the failure in the parents to teach and instruct their young in the ways of the lord. this will not be the case amongst my family. the most common argument against this approach to parenting is understood in the modern culture and it is commonly expressed or manifested in the form of idolatry. the parent in this model allows the child to develop their own understanding of the world which is formed from their selfishness. the god-given responsibility of the parent is to steward the child in a direction which brings out convictions upon the child that are current with the original state of the created order. yes, this original state of the created order will be impossible to attain this side of the grave, however, the god of this design has not changed despite his creation's choices. the pursuit of the god of this created order has a very strict definition. bottom line, i am not god, you are not god, so to allow a sinful and selfish soul to pursue a worldview and or life however they see fit is NOT an approach that will, in the end, prove to be beneficial for that child.

that said i have an amazing and challenging experience to share with you. i had recently purchased some jeans from urban outfitters which i did not originally try on. i got home only to realize i have thunder thighs and would not feel comfortable with everyone able to see all of my business. as much as i am proud of my god who created me, i don't believe it is a good witness for me. you can do it all you want, it doesn't bother me for you to wear jeans that are fastened to your flesh. for me it proves to be too uncomfortable. i then made the decision that i needed to return them to the store, or just exchange them for a bigger pair around the waist. tonight, was the perfect night. i would get off work around 7, run home grab the jeans, and go to dallas. at work i thought to myself that it would be cool to bring dutch along. i mean, we are not going to be out late and we would be home in time for his bedtime. i had texted liz to have him ready for me to just swing by and pick him up. the moment i got home from work and opened the door his greeting words were, "go dallas with daddy." liz told me he had been saying it all night after she told him i wanted to go with him. ahhhhhh, it melted my heart. we ventured out to dallas and upon arrival at mockingbird station i knew we would have to park in the parking garage. we parked and got out and made our way onto the elevator. now, dutch always wants liz or i to carry him when we get on moving things like this. i had no problem with holding him, there were about 10 strangers in the elevator with us so this was understood that i wanted him close. so we are in the elevator and of course everyone is absolutely quiet, when all of a sudden dutch opens his mouth and says rather loudly, "praise jesus!" my eyes got a little big as i knew arabic people, which we had with us in the elevator, are not commonly believers in yeshua, at least not in the praising him sense. at this moment i felt my faith challenged by my 2 year old son. i then felt a sense of pride rise up in me as i looked at him and said amen. i walked away not really thinking anything of it. i am sitting here now, however, thinking about how proud he made me at that moment.

if you are like me then you really do want your level of faith to be greatly surpassed by your offspring. i think inside of me the greatest comfort of my existence will be to see my son walking in such a way where he is completely oblivious to the desensitizing of the flesh and that his faith is not sobered by our idolatrous culture. i want him constantly living with the hope of the gospel on the forefront of his mind while portraying a life of grace to every individual he encounters. wow, what a moment, i hope it is not the last i know with this little giant man of god.

oh she is, oh she is

2009-12-15T16:18:00.004+01:00

i am married to an incredible woman. i have seen and experienced so much my interpretation is limited on this forum. i would like to share some thoughts on woman and her ability, as i have seen through my wife and not her only but the amazing women i consider friends. it is quite obvious man is different. created differently, therefore, acting differently throughout his life. likewise, he interprets things differently and responds differently. i believe that man, through his creation, can help or hinder those features of his woman that are meant to grow her into what god has intended. so then it means he has an influence in his wife's created order to help her see god the way she needs to and help her to understand how god sees her the way she needs to. undeniably his woman has formulated an opinion about many things and has established a worldview prior to their meeting and joining. the development, much like physiological development, does not stop at any certain age or occurrence. so by this i mean that despite her supposition she still is able to continue growing her current assumptions of life and likewise, change her current assumption of life. this is what i would think of when i think of god's redemptive purpose in marriage, for both parties.

with that said, let me share a thought about woman that her husband, or man, may influence but has no ability to gain through any influence of his wife. that is the idea of nourishment. i can only explain it by telling you of the amazing character and opinion of life that still remains even after her complete giving of herself in ways that man would otherwise resort to hopelessness. my recent experience looks like this:

1.) her desire for another life

this alone changes the dynamic of family in such a way that in many ways and in many unconscious opinions is not tolerable. the man thinks of the negative aspects and the struggles that come with another life involved in the already hectic and taxing existence. not that man does not desire babies or creating life, but rather, i believe he has a limited desire compared to that of his wife's. it is huge because those with children can attest on some level that the woman's desire trumps mans fear and pessimism. i don't believe man hates children and if you read this and think i am saying that, than your missing the point. i love my children and would not trade my previous environment for the current one. but i would only be able to actually say this and live this if i had my wife with me. this is what i believe is the divine nature of god working to influence my understanding of my need for my wife in ways that are not tangible or affordable by any monetary means.

2.) pregnancy

this encompasses tolerance, pain, agony, fear, and incredible discomfort. all the while, instilling hope, courage, power, and reinforcing her ability to be what god had created her to be. this gives god an incredible amount of glory and honor. this might explain, in some form, why it is so long. obviously the baby needs time to grow and develop within the womb but if god had wanted it to be created instantly than he could have done this with just one spoken word. length suggests more than just development. it possess all things needed to encourage the woman in her ability to nourish. this is why man possibly will never get nourishment the way his wife does. will he possess the capability to nourish? yes he will, but this is extremely taxing on his mental capacity.

3. the birthing

i really don't need to share to much about this aspect. childbirth is very hard on a woman's body and rightfully so. there is nothing like it for a man i can imagine. ok maybe a kidney stone passing thru but lets be honest, man has no desire for a kidney stone like a woman contains for a child to be born. what i think is so fascinating about the design of a woman is that the word says she will bare a child in pain. it is not a secret and she knows it is coming and can fully expect that every time she has a child she will experience pain. yet, for some reason, she still desires a child and after the whole process of pregnancy, childbirth, and late night feedings, she will yet forget it all in an instant at the sight of her baby. it is like her mind switches to a different mode, or she has been flashed with one of those gadgets like in that movie, men in black to erase her memory of the incredible amount of pain this little thing has put her through. it is truly amazing and can only be attributed to divine order. the word says she will experience pain and yet desire her husband. as if to suggest there is a part of her that feels a mandate to procreate and pursue her husband despite the pain it will possibly bring. phenomenal!

4.) child rearing

the late night feedings, the sore nipples, limited communication, and the tangible expenditures are just a few of the many expectations in child rearing. how a woman is able to endure and yet maintain a somewhat calm demeanor is beyond my understanding. i am not naive and i believe there is a bigger role for the husband in this part of the child's existence that contributes to the sanity of the mother. but there is obviously another level of operation that a woman can attain that is beyond my comprehension. the word talks about man's punishment in the fall dealing with the things he works towards. i mean that in his lifetime, all that he is trying to develop, there will be somewhat of a obstacle in his ability to produce. this is consistent in all things not just in provision of food, and growing crops. i have never worked a field in my life and think that there are many like me who have never even plowed a field. it is not talking about farmers but rather what man strives to obtain, in all entities. so when man wants love, he works at it and endures obstacles that may prevent his object from receiving his love and likewise from him getting love. when he wants any business to grow he works at it; late hours, money, time, and sacrifice of personal pleasure in order to find success. this has an influence in his ability to nourish his children. whereas it comes at such an incredibly natural and easy response for a woman, man struggles to nourish his kids, love his wife, and maintain all the other things that correlate with life. i think this is where a lot of men draw from when their wife suggests having another baby. they begin to think about their own personal struggles and then the struggles that are present with child rearing. this introduces a significant need a husband has for the wife, not just a woman, but a wife.

this is a recent revelation of the woman i married. i then can see it in the other women i know. i think it is so amazing how something that is important for my body, like sleep, will change my demeanor in such a drastic way if i don't get enough. for my wife, it seems, she could stay up all night with little titus and wake the next morning without a hesitation in her step. i know she would feel it. but for me, if i miss 3 hours in the middle of the night the whole world will hear about it the next day. she is truly amazing to be able to wake in an instant from a dead sleep, attend to her child's needs, and then return to bed only getting a few hours before she must wake for her daily duties. shame on me for my laziness, and shame on me for not loving her because of her character, and divine attributes. shame on me for allowing vanity and deceitful entities as charm and beauty to be the at the forefront of my ability to love my wife the way god as mandated husbands to love their wife. not that i don't think she is beautiful on the outside...oh she is, oh she is.

again, yeah

2009-12-08T16:37:00.003+01:00

i was putting my son to bed and we were about to say our prayers and express gratitude to jesus and it hit me that this will be one of the last nights i have with my son were it will be the two of us. it will be one of the last nights i will tuck him in as my only one and brush his hair from his face and kiss his cheek. he will obviously be my son forever but i was struck with a sense of sadness and joy that i am able to have the opportunity to carry him up the stairs, put him in his jammies, grip him ferociously has he tries to scramble away from me once he has no clothes on, and stare him in the eyes as we go down the list of people he wants to bless and confess with his mouth that he loves. he is truly a piece of art from the most high god. as i leaned in to his face and kissed his cheek my facial hair brushed his neck and he began to giggle. he said to me the words i will never forget as long as i live "again, yeah!" of course i could not resist. it hits me even now with tears, as i right this, the amount of joy i find in just looking at him and thinking about how great it is to be his father knowing he is already a "man of god."

it hit me right before sleep last night. you know that feeling you get before the big day of something that is going to happen? a shot of adrenaline goes through you and you then can't let your mind rest, you know that feeling; like christmas eve, or the night before a big trip? well as i lay in bed i began to think heavily about my next son and his character, his personality, what will make him cry, and then how am i going to be able to comfort him and give him the sense of warmth and security he will need to embrace the world around him. how am i going to be able to contain myself? i am a crier and i will cry. i know it, just like when dutch came. i can't wait to wake from the most uncomfortable hospital bed/couch and walk over to his little sleeping cube and look into his eyes. those are the moments i can honestly say i reflect dutch's same enjoyment in something truly pleasurable, i will close my eyes, think of god's amazing and loving gifts and say to my spirit...again, yeah!

(DISCONNECT)

2009-12-01T17:33:00.007+01:00

the condition i find you in as i read and hear you as we dialogue is a condition that reflects a distorted personal view of how god sees you. this distortion of how god sees you then distorts your view of yourself, which inevitably distorts how you will see others and interpret how they see you. you have written poems and said things that echo great desire. these words bare your soul, which sounds as if it is on a search. this distorted view is then used as the map that leads you in the wrong direction to a very real destination that your soul is not really longing to see. hurt, pain, loneliness, rejection, separation, desertion, aloneness, incompletion, and contemptment are all arrows pointing to a fracture of the every day man.

where do we disconnect from each other? if you and i are the same, bearers of that same fracture of the every day man, where do we separate from each other? all of the descriptors above are found in the make up of you and me on any given day but we still differ in that you are there and i am here? what is the disconnect? we disconnect in our current perspective of how we see god and how he sees us. it is clear in your narrative that your view of how god sees you is distorted. you and i both are born with a broken way of seeing things. can you be honest and say that you see god as a protector, provider, good, loving, caring, and a giver of good things? i don't believe that you do, you know how i can tell? your description of yourself: alone, rejected by those you value, emptiness, loneliness and isolation. all of these indicate your current perspective. you truly do not feel god's empathetic concern for your incompletion and longing. scripture clearly contradicts what you are feeling and telling me right now, which tells me something else, you are not reading scripture in a way to get to know god and how he feels about you. is more scripture reading the answer? probably not. but what is the answer is a clear understanding of who god really is and how he sees you. this will help how you see you and synonymously how you see the world despite the broken lenses you contain and use as a filter for everything.

analytical soil

2009-11-12T13:49:00.004+01:00

thinking of many things to say about this trip. i was blown away by the magnitude of acceptance. i really have thought a lot of how europeans would accept the fact that some americans, more importantly texans, would come over to belgium and save it. well maybe not those exact words because who are we kidding here, texans aren't going to save anyone but themselves, right? i was thinking about this and it was important to me not to have any "dude with a tude" type of mentality to think i had what europe needs. i know i am not going to BRING jesus to belgium, because he is already there. i believe awareness is the key. this is, actually, what our focus was this trip. as i was returning home i was concentrating on the report brought back to the states. it means everything to our future. i want to be the spy who brings back the good report of the land about to be invaded. jeff serio said it right that it will be similar to plowing concrete but whatever analogy you want to use something is ready and needing to happen or break or whatever. so allow me to be one of the spies who brings the report of the harvest in europe.

1. it's ready

while ministering in the conference the team and i were able to pretty much prophecy over everyone in our workshops. even with a dismissal (the workshop was technically over) the young minds and hearts were there and still engaged. this tells me something. one of the many observations made was of the young person who wanted to cry, sing out, laugh, or pray, but was noticeably judging the effect of such an action. it makes me wonder if there has been a legitimate scolding from spiritual authority or if this is just the natural occurrence of a generation who has not been feeding their soul it's "proper" nourishment. it's hard to admit this for me, seeing as i like to find the root issue in dysfunction, but it doesn't matter. and i think the adversary would enjoy those investing their time in the harvest of europe to run in circles trying to find out which came first the chicken or the egg! but the truth is that work is needed, and laborers are few. where are the laborers in the land now? they are there. or the one's that made the first wave are there still but are strangely aimless. i am not sure why, and i am definitely not judging their work. they laid a seed bed that will be harvested by future harvesters. maybe that is ninth hour, maybe that is you, maybe that is someone in the future, i am not certain at this point. there is a remnant and the desire is there, or the desire to blossom and bring to fruition is there and the harvest is unable to continue in its growth because like a rose pedal it must be cut and pruned in order to grow again in greater proportion. that is how i view the current state in europe or more specifically belgium.

2. it's cancerous

as insensitive as that word may be it provides the shocking idea of the flow of these small cells i would like to refer to as the remaining remnant. even within the conference, i noticed the cancerous possibility of a group of young people who could mobilize their efforts to gain divine momentum. make no mistake, there are those in europe who are hungry and are praying. possibly what they have been praying and seeking god for is what ninth hour comes to bring. it would be very arrogant for me to really say that, but to believe it in my heart and mind is another story. i was approached by a few, who had heard, that there was a house of prayer being started in brussels and they had expressed much interest in helping and being apart. these individuals were not just teenagers but young and old alike. talk about exciting! i see it starting as awkward 2 hour intimate prayer and worship meetings with individuals who are only linked by a common desire to see god move in belgium. growing from this, i envision individual experiences that are hardly containable to our little prayer gathering.

3. it's undefinable

i mean this in the strictest sense that there is a deep, deep drive to pursue the harvest, yet all strategies remain divinely appointed. while we had meetings with key figures the common question was "how are you going to do this?" i wonder if others who have since left and been successful have been able to mark key strategies and define it as absolute. i wouldn't think anyone would have the guts to say, if successful, that they are were they are because they had some great ideas or it was because of them. i hope my point is getting across. ninth hour's hunger is there. i hunger for what i am unable to see at this point in belgium and beyond but i am sure for anything to happen it must start with "no-bodies" and end just the same. i think this particular "undefinable" characteristic is synonymous with the generations represented. this is what is so amazing about how god has moved so richly for the generations at our church and this deep seeded passion has not left those members of ninth hour. nathan received a word from the lord on the way to belgium concerning this generational involvement. it was concerning what joel had said about the old men dreaming dreams and the young men with vision. i am paraphrasing but it went like this...the old men dream dreams, and without the old men dreaming those dreams the young men CANNOT carry vision, and our purpose is to provide service and vision to those in the land of belgium who have longed and dreamed for revolution, we will lose the vision if we don't serve the older generation's dreams. it was great because our meetings all contained men AND women who are well established in their faith in god and are so ready for this to happen and are so ready to support us as we come to serve those things they have had on their hearts for a very long time. i believe ultimately god desires and WILL appoint those who are not in it to make an impression for their name. you can try and build huge crusades and monumental conferences while getting amazing speakers but i don't think that is for belgium. a contrite and humble heart is a better approach.

i am not desiring to make a model and dissect it to gain a marketing tool for success. most, if not everything, will happen i believe as suddenly as "a sound like a rushing wind" passing through our midst. change will happen, change will occur and if i am to be the one to help push this along then great (however, my heart is anxious to do so) but if not then lord may it come and may it come quickly.

cj 2009

2009-11-04T13:46:00.006+01:00

my desires were simple...make an impact that will not part at the doors but be a plant that produces fruit. i hope, in my thinking and understanding, that this fruit would be manifested and ready quickly. realistically, or ideally, when a plant has been surrounded by weeds for so long and the choking of truth has been so prevalent, the labor is intense. i'm determined, however, and my heart had quickly gained a burden it needed to release within the few days we (nathan, jon v., al) had been able to minister at this gathering of young people. the set up of all the equipment was no less important in our desire to touch this generation and grab a hold of them. one major drawback was that our wives were not present with us this year and all three of them have a keen eye for decor. i really missed my wife liz on this trip and knew as i lay in bed praying for her every night that she was not meant to minister in another environment than i. i always knew this but oh, how the mind needs constant reminders of the wonders of god's direction through small little gaps in the every day flow of things.

my anticipation was that i would meet many on their level, at their experiences with life at the cj. i was hoping that every single young person would gain a life changing experience. my teaching reflected this hope.

day 1:

nathan and our good friend matt lankenau, from the ei in berlin taught in the workshop. their teachings focused on an awakened heart. i knew this is exactly what god was speaking to me as well as stirring it in me before i set foot on the land. in my perspective, being awakened, or not being awakened, is not a sin. however, there is a natural consequence to not having a focus on god's heart and what the spirit is saying...because it constantly is, or doing...because it constantly is. i think the natural inclination is that of satisfaction of our soul's longing. we, as a generation and culture, are neck deep and saturated in alternative cures and fulfillments. because of our saturation a change from the inside out is required. we couldn't, even in our own strength combat the principalities and darkness in the first place without the same spirit that was present in jesus and raised him from the dead.

day 2:

al and i spoke and my key point was a change that educated us to drink from the living well of god's unchanging love so that our purpose, identity, and joy will be able to respond well, whether our life's circumstances are going great or not. before i spoke, the day earlier, i had struck up a conversation with a young teen (16/17) about where she was from and what she wanted to get from the conference. we began discussing the gospel and i asked her how many of her friends serve jesus as she does. she could not name one. shocking yet real. i noticed a problem with her legs as she came in and sat down. this issue forces her to walk with crutches to brace herself. i asked her if anyone has prayed over her, and when the last time she prayed over herself. she answered back that it has been years. she couldn't even remember. she told me that she had surgery on her legs and that the doctors messed up and it resulted in this lifelong trauma. needless to say i was crushed. i had no idea what to say or ask, so i said, "why do you think god has not healed you yet?" she responded, "i don't have enough faith." i was heartbroken and knew that the enemy had fed her this lie to distract her from god's undivided love for her. i told her that was a lie and that god wanted her healed. i encouraged her that even though we may not see change on the outside, god most definitely is doing something, it just may be on the inside. she teared up and then confessed to bitterness and anger at the doctors. she also confessed to unforgiveness and bitterness towards god for not doing anything about it. i know god is far my concerned with the condition of her heart, but how do you reveal that to someone in such a condition without coming off as insensitive? this is the condition of millions of young people alike, across europe. individuals who are harboring a cold, bitter, and unforgiving heart, who are far more satisfied with the "slavery in egypt" than the "liberation of the cross" through sanctification in the promised land. meanwhile, i knew god was doing something on the inside of her as we had the whole team and those in our workshop lay hands on her and pray. the next day at the night service, her countenance was far greater. i walked up to her on the front row before the service began and could tell immediately by the divine joy, represented by a smile bigger than the theory of relativity, that god was doing his work in her heart. i asked her how she felt in her legs, she had almost completely forgotten about her physical ailment. her issues with her legs were not a hindrance in her worship to her god. he will bring glory to his name through the healing in her heart, and the healing in her legs. praise god for his transformation that is not limited to, or manifested only in physical healing. this was confirmation of the word god had given me in our workshop teachings about god's interest in being the satisfaction of our soul's craving. make no mistake, our soul longs and craves. without an understanding of what or why our soul's long and that the fulfillment is only in their creator our souls will continue to ache and we will search for gratification. sadly, we choose to quench the craving by focusing or honing in on seasonal gratification that lasts only a little while. the living water of christ is such that it provides refreshment and satisfaction for the longing of the soul, for a lifetime.

siloam towers

2009-10-22T19:47:00.004+02:00

as i dive into the call to repent (luke 13) i am struck with the idea that circumstances are not but consequences (good or bad) of the actions of humanity influencing the world in which we ALL live.

humans and go(o)d things

2009-10-06T17:15:00.012+02:00

i have taken in some opinions and i am trying to process them out in a concise manner that is consistent with what i think the bible is teaching its readers. on one hand i hear the argument, when something goes wrong, "your faith should not be determined by your circumstances." has anyone heard this? i have my whole life. a close relative that dies, a spouse who finds love in another's arms, an accident that proves to be life-altering, these all are followed by some form of a christian approach of counsel for the victim of said tragedies to not put their faith in god based on their circumstances. i believe this idea to my core; stand firm to apply it in my trials and tribulations. however, for the sake of thought, i have heard an idea from an individual who wondered about when things go right. when things are all going great, or an amazing incident takes place in your favor is it not appropriate to state or hold to the same belief that your faith should not change with your circumstances? does it make god or prove him to be more faithful if things go your way?

i think i could make the case for an exception to the rule in the event that things work towards your favor.

god is good alone - luke 18:19

god causes things to work for good - romans 8:28

every good thing is from heaven - james 1:7

these are some of the scriptures that would reinforce the notion that you could make an exception, for god's doing, to declare that faith could be determined by circumstances. but the only problem is dealing with creation. we are not individuals who are able to hold onto absolutes reasonably. i had mentioned the case with homosexuality in one of the previous posts and the still remaining controversy with many, who are very well educated, as to what is the determinant of homosexuality? genetic or choice? an absolute in this scenario is never going to be found. why? humans are the researchers; humans are the validators. how about the notion that god doesn't reveal everything about your life to you. not so he can withhold but rather so he can protect you from yourself (the end result is proven to be very valuable). i would like to think that even in the midst of a great bonus at work, and on the other hand losing a very desired position or job would not allow your faith to fluctuate in the least. paul says it very well in 2 timothy 2:13, that even if we are faithless, he (god) remains faithful. why? he (god) cannot deny himself. eternally sound, eternally right, eternally good, and eternally faithful without wavering; god is and was the only absolute to stand on. regardless of the circumstances that may or may not have occurred because of the fallen world and our sinful nature.

quite possibly god uses inconsistencies to rouse a curiosity. only to later reveal himself as creator of truth. when we cease to search, and we retain our unmitigated view we don't adopt an unconditional love/regard as divine as our maker's. what happens in its stead is a spirit of pride which stunts the growth of our understanding giving birth to idolatry. for example, as a result, we witness a great deal of discrimination towards individuals who are up to their necks in perversion and become the object of disgust instead of objects of unconditional love. all due to those who hold to the absolute. "learning to distinguish when ideas are actually incompatible versus when they are only incompatible in appearance but possibly harmonious at a deeper level is a difficult but essential reasoning skill for the christian thinker" (psychology and christianity, 257).

humans have a way of pressing their opinion or perspective. my dad's way is usually on a saturday morning family breakfast, or a simple text message in the middle of a work day. like today, for example, he texted me that i have a great deal of baseball cards in his attic that could be put on ebay for sale. when you find yourself alone with my papa he will most likely throw a curve ball of a revelation he got during a quiet time in his week. i am no different. this blog proves to be a sufficient medium for me. the recent quandary has led to my thinking of how we, as a church, present faith and its affects. i believe humans like revealing good things that have happened to gain approval or applause from their audience. believe me when something amazing happens liz is the first to know how good it makes me feel. can this be dangerous though? especially when it involves faith. x and y happened it makes me feel good, it must have been from god, right? or, a and b happened it makes me feel miserable it must not have been from god, right? (the idea that only bad came from god and good came from our doing can also appropriately be placed inside our thinking) or better yet, neither had anything to do with god in any shape or form. must we, as a church be careful in how we present ourselves to others when we experience something life changing? only because we, as people, tend to not remain faithful. a misunderstanding of how faith was involved in the circumstance, or a bad communication on how faith was influencing the circumstance could very well determine one's idea or perception of the level of faith based on the circumstance. "if i would have had enough faith" a and b would not have happened; "because i had enough faith" x and y happened. this is horrifically inconsistent with scripture. as paul states in philippians 4:11, "...for i have learned to be content in whatever circumstances i am." the amplified bible further states in the same passage, (phil. 4:12) "i have learned in any and all circumstances the secret of facing every situation...having sufficiency and enough to spare or going without and being in want." when things are rough and we share with others (the church) things are rough, it should get people to feel the same feeling. whatever feeling you get when things are rough. denying that feeling is not a good practice for a community who articulates their desire to create an atmosphere of warmth and honesty. likewise, when one feels the need to celebrate let us (the church) all share in the feeling of excitement and express however one may feel when they are excited. let us present our faith in a way that it doesn't change with our circumstance but that our faith changes our circumstance. after all, we find ourselves in troubled situations most likely due, although not entirely, to decisions we wish we could have back so to make the better choice. i am pretty sure anyone who preaches that god is around to keep you from bad things and only let you have good things is an individual who has never read the bible. at least the one i read (nas). does this change god's demeanor? no, he is good, and everything he gives is for his glory and our good to in return give him glory. ultimately we all contain idolatrous behavior. this behavior manifests itself in many forms and at many different times. the test is when you find something going right and somehow god is not given credit for it. however, when things fail miserably god is the receiver of our frustration and blame.

in conclusion we (humanity) cannot handle absolutes, as i have pointed out above. faith is done a severe injustice when it is placed inside a category of human certainty.

the woman who touches the fringe of jesus' garment was healed as jesus so gladly and willingly desired in luke 8:48.

"daughter your faith has made you well; go in peace."

the garment would not have been touched if she didn't have the faith. would she have pressed into the crowded group and been healed if she contained only hope? maybe. but in my experience hope doesn't get you past the door to go and meet with jesus and fight or press against the crowds. hope certainly does not give you an assurance that jesus is even your mediator who is able to make possible what has been for so long impossible. faith, on the other hand, is not only hope but an assurance of what you hoped to happen coming about. by this we change your circumstance regardless of its improbability. where did the woman gain this type of faith? it was not her who saved her but rather the healing power of god, right? it was not her who said "if only i could touch," as if she had the ability to set forth in motion such a healing. if you read in luke what had taken place prior to him coming into the town you might find how she gained such a faith. jesus, healing the man with a demon in the graveyard, set in motion her faith over hope. the faith came from an act of god therefore giving her confirmation of this wonderful jesus. so god, instituted it and god, ordained this faith in this woman which is how he will gain glory from anything or anyone in every circumstance. praise god that we are not meant to muster enough faith to see salvation, progressive sanctification, or even his glorious presence displayed on this earth. but, these no doubt help in our belief and our faith, right? maybe this happens to give you and give me an assurance that no matter who challenges the bible's legitimacy and text...god is faithful, true and just in all he does. that is where my faith shall rest, in his goodness, in his justice, and in his unwavering truth.

metasystemic

2009-09-29T16:53:00.005+02:00

i am growing in experience in the therapeutic chair. i am NOT an expert and probably will never be an expert...i said probably (if you know me then you know there is still a great chance i think i will one day be an expert). but over the last few months i have desired to develop an approach that is consistent with scripture in the counseling room. despite what you (critics) think about one's approach to counseling, i have concluded that the mind that explores intelligence is a mind that gives glory to god in the highest form. i have made it important to my worldview to include, without sounding as new-agy as possible, the flow of body, mind, and soul as agents for the glorification of god's name. and so we are clear, i am talking about the god who is triunal in his nature and contains jesus as his son form. those who wish to lecture or initiate their ideology on life and exclude components, or dismiss them as non-essential to giving glory to god are further proof of the hypocrite they so quickly judge. so, in saying that, there is not one element of the three that is or should be less disciplined. they are all important for instruction, discipline, and reproof. the approaches i am aware of at this time are those that all share the same aim...giving god his glory. but the initial instruction on how to give god that said glory is where the approaches differ.

the levels model seems, in criticism, to place science at an ungodly level over the bible. however, the revelations of empirical research reveal a great deal of information that we simply do not receive from the bible. example, homosexuality and its nature. is it a genetic disposition or is it a choice, has always been the conundrum surrounding even the most faithful of the faith-filled.

the next one is a christian counseling point of view. this basically sees what modern psychology has done and says "yeah we know there is something there and so we should write a model that reflects christianity." meanwhile disputing all the humanistic foundations for modern psychology by revealing the writings of augustine, calvin, and those whom have been believers and cared for the soul long before freud and jung were around.

the integrations model is the approach that brings science and the bible together. it's basic premise is that science further reveals the truth and nature of the all powerful god. it is probably the most common method or approach used today in the faith based counseling circles.

the last one i am aware of at this point is the biblical based counseling method. most of which i find in my worldview comes from this approach. god's word uncovers the root of all issues that plague mankind on this earth. one of the criticisms of this method is that a great deal of these counselors are very neglectful of education outside the bible. they do not hold to the fact that you can create a counseling model that resembles a christian counseling approach that only reflects what humanists are saying with christian lingo. some may be familiar to the model known as nouthetic counseling developed by jay adams. this is the group described by those inside the biblical counseling model.

all that to say i am working towards a model that would find its text to be relevant to those who go to church every sunday, every day, or those who hate the church with a great passion. it is a great struggle to interpret to those individuals who do not grasp the bible, nor want to, the truth of their creator without using words from a bible. hopefully i will be able to write it out clearly on this medium once it is finalized. right now i am calling it word-action-faith model. again using language that communicates truth without using words from the bible is my biggest hurdle. but as tony romo once said "if this is the worst thing that will happen...i am doing ok."

(DISCONNECT)

2009-09-22T20:21:00.003+02:00

a mother who is faced with the challenges of raising two girls, who are not even in her presence continuously to even make a difference, finds herself in a competition with their father...for their (girls) affection. divorced and desiring companionship she seeks comfort in the arms of a different man in her current setting. the desire to lean on someone has divided her attention, leaving an empty tank of emotion and affection for her growing offspring. her eldest, 12, is facing the brutal reality of true sacrificial love at such an early age. she is taking in every bit of the sacrifice her mother is NOT willing to make. she applies this to every relationship and regurgitates the need consistently, based on what she has been exposed to already. her future and her understanding of true love all hinges on how she will walk through the next few years of absorption. the younger daughter, 10, seems to passively take in and grasp unwittingly what marriage means to her. she WILL manifest her understanding of sacrificial love later in life. however, i fear the consequences of her previous 2 years of experience will have a profound effect on what is deemed healthy and what is deemed unheathly, as she may not fully retain an idea of health. she is better suited to be salvaged at this point. more so than her sister. unchecked, however, and she will find her experiences and responses quite similar to her elder sister's, which are very unpleasant. the eldest is either afraid, deeply hurt, or frustrated, and yet maybe all of the above. this contributes a great deal to her inability to show affection for her younger sister. instead anger, bitterness, frustration, all make a comfortable home inside her heart. this does, inevitably, reveal more than i would bet she originally was willing to communicate.

kc and the shady grove band

2009-09-08T19:10:00.003+02:00

i was able to spend this past weekend with some good friends in kansas city. it began as an invitation from allyster taubeneck and grew to a list of many. as one might expect that list slimmed down as time grew nearer to the departure. i won't blame any one thing for this sudden change in members of the road trip that would have been heard around the world. so never the less austin, daniel svoboda, allyster, and i trekked north on what should have been an 8 hr ride.

the trips calculated total cost had been set by the core leadership team which was allyster and steven parra. this was set at $120 per person. this price would include all expenditures acquired whilst on the road. well, we were blessed to have the johnson's (brian & wendy) open their home to us. this dropped the price tremendously. we then had the issue of vehicle. none of the members had really wanted to take their own car because of many reasons. thankfully, hannah baker willingly allowed us to take her car cutting our expenditures for a rental car. thank you hannah and austin for not allowing her to talk you out of it.

the trip began on friday morning. allyster was originally supposed to travel with us but had a family engagement, that was priority, so he was out for the ride to kc, but was able to endure it back. steven parra was originally supposed to ride with us to kc but had to work so he opted to fly later on friday and meet us there.

apparently dallas to kc is an 8 hr drive...no one really told us that, and if they had we still wouldn't have cared. it took us a stunning 10 hours...no let me rephrase that we wanted to go at whatever rate we wanted so it lasted 10 hours. stops were limited, i think. i really don't know how many times we stopped but it honestly wasn't that many and we drove nearly 80 the whole way.

we planned on attending and observing some of the activity of the kc ihop and of course the city. all of which was phenomenal and i really think i could live in kansas city...on the missouri side of course. the whole scene of the ihop is pretty interesting to say the least. there are nearly 500 people on staff and the 24/7 prayer room is a blog on its own. but some of my observations from the weekend are what i will post in this blog.

i am a guy who loves seclusion when i study. just ask my wife who ends up watching our kid for the day when i need to do some studying. i also get distracted easily and this technological society that permeates ever state in our union is not making it any easier on me to accomplish deep thought. the ihop is not a contributing factor to my ability to be intimate with jesus. now, i bet if i were in that environment for months on end eventually i would adjust. however, to accomplish this feat over a weekend is insurmountable. there is movement constantly in the facilities. people are constantly moving to and fro and it is very noticeable. the lights are on all the time because i assume many are reading and writing. in addition to movement, there are musicians who are singing songs all the time. this means words that i want to hear and pay attention to. when i am reading a deep passage or am contemplating a deep though it is very hard to process what i am thinking along with what i am hearing. so for me, the house of prayer model in kansas city would not be very conducive to receiving a word from the lord in the manner i find to be effective. the corporate settings are great and wonderful, but are also prone to have many people moving and walking aimlessly around. but i love the people, they are all nice and warm. that, i guess, is the feeling of a community that is constantly and genuinely seeking a god who is passionate for his people.

i truly believe there is a place and time to spend privately with god and receive and be refreshed by him. i also think that part of the mandate is to go out, or reach the community on some level that reveals a god who is just as passionate for those who are NOT apart of a community. others might call this missions. i didn't spend enough time dialoguing with the young man, but an individual named adam joined us momentarily on our travels. he is a guy who has served directly under mike bickle for some time. we had enjoyed a delicious bbq meal and he indulged me in some of the vision of ihop. one of the things i wasn't convinced of was the pressing mission of the gospel to pagans. i didn't get the idea that ihop had a mandate to minister to the local poor. again, however, i spent one weekend in kc so my immediate perception is that they don't have a strategic reach to those whom jesus had talked about in luke 4:18-19 when he was quoting isaiah. this has been the critique on most house of prayer models. what i did like about how adam put it was that the body has different functioning parts. i guess for me, i long to be arms AND legs AND mouth AND ears. maybe that is more of a deficit in my life than anything else. to me it is one thing to speak, preach, and sing about it, and another to actually administer it. i guess the issue is what have you made number one in your life over christ.

i hate to view the stats on young adults ages 18-29 activity in the local church. it saddens me to hear of so many who are serving strongly in their teens to fall off the face of the earth in their post high school years. the ihop does not lack a healthy young adult population. they are certainly grabbing a hold of individuals and instilling in them something i couldn't explain. i am jealous for this, and i wish my own church had this capability. not that i am thinking ihop is better. i think the statistic adam gave me on demographics revealed that nearly 25% of the ihop population was 65 years or older. this is still a big number considering the activity that goes on in the services. another individual i talked to, rebecca, told me that there are certain programs and teachings they have for said generation. i, personally enjoy an older generations involvement in the church community and feel there is a need for them. i do also think that older individuals have a legitimate fear that they will not be valued if a younger generation happens to grow in number. i am still trying to process which is the lesser of two evils. let me explain. on one hand you need the older generation because of their wisdom and experience. a great deal of understanding comes from the grey hair ; ). but on the other hand i foresee a stronger role of dominance. i believe to some extent there will be less of a release of expression for a vibrant younger generation to pursue vision. naturally, when one approaches later stages in life there is a normal reflection of the past and whether or not things were done right or wrong. this is not limited to a biblical worldview. it will, in turn, most definitely influence leadership style, which means a less risky and more conservative way of finding answers and getting things done. the ihop seems to be a little freer and not as direct. they seem to throw out agenda's and worship leaders are then leaders of the congregation and not limited to talented individuals with an instrument who only sing songs. i don't think this approach is very attractive to the older generation. structure, order, an idea of where things are going is the preferred approach i have picked up on when observing the older generation service styles. are either of them wrong? i don't know. i do know what i like and dislike. i can definitely see how young people would really thrive in the environment and temperature that mike bickle and other leadership has set for that church. i do think some of the individuals are escaping something that is unhealthy and retards their spiritual growth or maturation.

overall the city was magnificent. i had the best company and the best experience i could of had for the amount of time to get it.

divorce the post-modern movement

2009-09-01T19:16:00.011+02:00

"what one generation tolerates the next one will embrace." this is such a reality amongst us, inside and outside the church. the post-modern movement gives no appreciation to the modern movement that preceded it. because there is no appreciation, and only a desire for difference, my generation will reap the consequences of the full embrace of no structure and compromised principles. instead, most influential in the church today is a new concept of grace and a new doctrine of god's love. we have grown very intelligent in our construction of new bibles, theologies, and have so cleverly redefined jesus to fit our comfortability. this is the picture of the church in our post-modernistic culture.

this filth has infiltrated our person. this filth has infiltrated our governments. this filth has infiltrated our relationships. this filth has infiltrated our churches, and sadly, it has even infiltrated our homes. polluting everything that has a possibility of life. this pervasive mindset does not seek and destroy instantaneously but rather in a slow drawn out function it will drain the life of it's host. this mindset, at its root, is labeled...idolatry.

i attribute idolatry to pride. and the earliest example i have to offer is that of eve in the garden. when satan tempts her she is tempted only by the wisdom in which this "new way" has to offer. something different than the order god had in mind, something god had warned them about. this fracture has made a home in each and every heart of every man/woman that has walked the face of this earth. even in our most infant state there is evidence of this in humans. man has, and always will, seek to be the center of existence. consciously, or subconsciously, it makes no difference.

i have been asked, by a long time friend, to give my perspective on divorce. i would like to claim the title of one who holds dearly to the teaching's of christ and guidance of the holy spirit for the revelation of truth. so in saying that, my opinion is grounded on what i believe the truth of the scripture unfolds. because i have only been married for 5 years, or having never actually walked through a divorce, nor experiencing a traumatic event in my marriage does not disqualify the education i have received nor the insight i have gained through studying scripture and listening to what the holy spirit has said concerning this sensitive issue for many.

divorce...is wrong on all fronts.

"yes, but zach, my husband/wife cheated,"

"zach, you don't understand, my husband abused me physically and emotionally, it was not safe for me to be in that environment any longer."

i agree there are some cases in which one could make for a marriage to be labeled as unhealthy. i certainly do not advocate that one place themselves in harms way and tolerate it. but the simple truth of the word of god is that it has not been an option god has ordained from beginning. out of the hardness of OUR hearts it has been made permissible. permissible by whom? scripture says that it has been permissible by moses, or in other words...man. what god has joined together let NO MAN tear apart.

on many aspects i believe we like to see how close we can get to the fire without getting burned. what i mean by this is that we concentrate on the boundaries to NOT cross, and focus our entire lives on hoping, praying, trying with all our might to not cross those specific boundaries into dysfunction. this is the wrong focal point. instead, the focus needs to be on the health and functional entities that make a marriage work. because truth be told, when those little things, notes, flowers, surprises, etc, and other subtleties cease to spring forth, for whatever reason, the deterioration of the marriage commences. no one wakes up one day and decides to not be married to their spouse. that just doesn't happen. it is a process of falling away, just like the process of walking into relationship occurred. the lack of pursuit of deeper intimacy will inevitably produce the most shallow pool of intimacy and consequently drain whatever is left to nothing.

2 cor 6:14-16

there should be no partnership between lawlessness and righteousness

1. righteousness fulfills the claims of god's authority in our lives

-those who submit know what their authority looks like, and what it doesn't look like

2. one knows he is righteous because he is walking under submission to gods authority

3. christ conquered what we could not, therefore making us what we could not...righteous

4. you WILL submit to someone...god or yourself (see the first 3 paragraphs above)

there will be no fellowship with light and darkness

1. god's light, like the sun, is never quenched and always is revealing

2. darkness will always be a sanctuary for secrets and hiding things...anything

there will be no harmony with a believer and an unbeliever

1. christ had an influence of not just physical healing but mental healing and answers to life's toughest questions (luke 6:18)

2. people who walk in unbelief will influence others to be unbelievers; those who walk in faith, hope, and love will also influence as such

what agreement has the temple of god with the temple of idols

1. temple being the habitation of god and his ability to influence

2. don't compromise with attributes to god

-worship can be an idol

-missions can be an idol

-preachers can be idols

this is what i would encourage most to look at before they engage in any relationship that could go to THAT level. you know what level i am talking about. also remember that just because you go to the same church, hang with the same friends, and are friends on facebook does not mean you are EQUALLY yoked.

i like that the picture we are given in eph. 5.

christ=husband

church=wife

in this context think of all the times that christ has asked you to follow him, do this, listen for that, walk here, don't do that, or submit to him/her...and you DIDN'T. did christ ever divorce you as his wife? did he say was going to have to think about it? i will let you answer that one in your head. how many countless times have we abused our husband and lord? how many times have we cheated on him and prostituted ourselves for another pleasure? you can leave a comment if you can accurately account. our post-modern philosophy, which we all have adopted to some extent into our belief system, tells us we not only should be happy all the time, but we DESERVE happiness all the time. and anything that is contrary to this is false reality. so instead of individuals saying, "i need to work on this marriage, because of the person i want to become," we are saying "this marriage can't be what god wants for me because i am not really happy in this marriage and god doesn't want me to be unhappy, i should get out." god never intended for divorce to be because by his very nature he is a giver, not a remover. divorce removes us from the possibility of real, genuine love to grow and mature us.

i have more in thought as to how the family would be healthy if the man would just be what he is supposed to be, but, because of length, i am going to stop here. i hate reading blogs all day. this may be one of those. comment if you like. i have more thoughts but should hold them...for now.

oh you seemingly secular truth

2009-09-01T17:23:00.003+02:00

i love the odwalla brand drinks wording on their bottles. on the most recent drink i read that the vitamin c will help, now watch this, a healthy immune system. not one that is lacking but rather one that is already in a healthy stature. this is extremely profound. i, most often, find my desperation of need when something is most definitely wrong but at that very moment, vitamin c is not much help. it is benefit to those immune system's that are already functioning effectively. so i guess the moral is...don't wait til something is wrong, boost when you aren't in need.

just a little observation.